Do you believe in the saying: “You are who you hang out with”?

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

Objective

Many times we have good friends that may not be the best influence. How do we handle this type of situation in our daily lives? Is this an opportunity for us to reach out and lead by example? How do you approach a friend who may not be leading the best life and try to help them? Matthew Kelly says in Rediscovering Catholicism that, “a true friendship is when the other person encourages you to be all you can be, challenges you to become the-best-version-of-yourself, and vice versa (p. 134.) We want to be around people that help us get to heaven. We want to be around people that support our marriage and help us make the choices God would want us to make. If we have a friend that is not the best influence, often if we live by example, it may help the other person make betters choices. If you are at a restaurant and your friend orders the grilled chicken with a salad, you are more apt to order something healthy rather than a big cheeseburger. Just as your friend might make better choices if he sees you being honest at work or you being loving to your wife. Matthew Kelly states that, “Goodness is contagious. The problem is so is evil” (p. 135.) If we surround ourselves around those who want to be better people, we will become better. However we need to choose our friends wisely because if we are surrounded by those who do not care how they act, it is very easy to go down that path. That is why, as Matthew Kelly’s father told him, “If you have five true friends in your lifetime, you will have lived a life infinitely blessed” (p. 133.)

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be led astray:

“ Bad company corrupts good morals.”

2. Proverbs 18:24

Some friends bring ruin on us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraphs 1934-1938

1934 Created in the image of the one God and equally endowed with rational souls, all men have the same nature and the same origin…. All therefore enjoy an equal dignity. 1935 The equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it: Every form of social or cultural discrimination in fundamental personal rights on the grounds of sex, race, colour, social conditions, language or religion, must be curbed and eradicated as incompatible with God’s design. 1937 These differences belong to God’s plan, who wills that each receive what he needs from others, and that those endowed with particular ‘talents’ share the benefits with those who need them… 1938 There exist also sinful inequalities that affect millions of men and women. These are in open contradiction of the Gospel: Their equal dignity as persons demands that we strive for fairer and more humane conditions…

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have any friends that do not help you become the-best-version-of-yourself?

2. If so, what do you do when you are around these friends?

3. Are you comfortable around these friends?

Recommended Resources

1. Rediscovering Catholicism By Matthew Kelly

Accountability

1. Take a look at some of your friends this week and think if they are making you a better person.

Author(s)

Mark Oliva

Changes to the Mass per the Roman Missal

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

Have you been “going through the motions” at Mass by repeating prayers and responses that you know by heart and have become automatic? Well, the Mass is changing. Why, and what are the changes? What is the Roman Missal? When will the changes take place? How will I know the new words to say during Mass and how does this “new translation” affect us? This is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to experience the Mass in a much deeper way.

Objective

· Understand the background for the changes, what they are, and how they can help us get a deeper meaning out of Mass.

· Learn how the Mass now more closely follows the readings in the bible.

· Embrace this as an opportunity to teach our children what the Mass is all about:

Bible Readings

1. 2 Timothy 4:22

The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with all of you.

2. Philippians 4:23

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

3. Isaiah 6:3

One cried out to the other: “Holy, holy, holy* is the LORD of hosts! All the earth is filled with his glory!”

4. Isaiah 53:11-12

Because of his anguish he shall see the light; because of his knowledge he shall be content; My servant, the just one, shall justify the many, their iniquity he shall bear.

Therefore I will give him his portion among the many, and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, Because he surrendered himself to death, was counted among the transgressors, Bore the sins of many, and interceded for the transgressors.

5. Matthew 8:8

The centurion said in reply, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed:”

6. Luke 7:6-7

And Jesus went with them, but when he was only a short distance from the house, the centurion sent friends to tell him, “Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 167

“I believe” (Apostles’ Creed) is the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer, principally during Baptism. “We believe” (Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed) is the faith of the Church confessed by the bishops assembled in council or more generally by the liturgical assembly of believers. “I believe” is also the Church, our mother, responding to God by faith as she teaches us to say both “I believe” and “We believe”.

2. Paragraph 1345

As early as the second century we have the witness of St. Justin Martyr for the basic lines of the order of the Eucharistic celebration. They have stayed the same until our own day for all the great liturgical families. St. Justin wrote to the pagan emperor Antoninus Pius (138-161) around the year 155, explaining what Christians did:

On the day we call the day of the sun, all who dwell in the city or country gather in the same place. The memoirs of the apostles and the writings of the prophets are read, as much as time permits.

When the reader has finished, he who presides over those gathered admonishes and challenges them to imitate these beautiful things.

Then we all rise together and offer prayers* for ourselves . . .and for all others, wherever they may be, so that we may be found righteous by our life and actions, and faithful to the commandments, so as to obtain eternal salvation.

When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.

Then someone brings bread and a cup of water and wine mixed together to him who presides over the brethren.

He takes them and offers praise and glory to the Father of the universe, through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and for a considerable time he gives thanks (in Greek: eucharistian) that we have been judged worthy of these gifts.

When he has concluded the prayers and thanksgivings, all present give voice to an acclamation by saying: ‘Amen.’

When he who presides has given thanks and the people have responded, those whom we call deacons give to those present the “eucharisted” bread, wine and water and take them to those who are absent.

Small Group Questions

1. Where can I find out more about these changes?

2. How can I use this as an opportunity to enhance my experience in Mass?

3. In what ways can I teach my children about the meaning of these changes?

Recommended Resources

http://old.usccb.org/romanmissal/ -various resources for the Roman Missal from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops
http://www.loyolapress.com/roman-missal-changes-webinar.htm – series of three videos on the changes.
http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal – contains power point presentation, internet links, print and other resources.
http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal/print-resources/bulletin-inserts – Bulletin Inserts
http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/CT040910_romanmissal.pdf – Catholic Telegraph article on the changes
http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/frequently_asked_questions_cinti.pdf – answers to frequently asked questions

Accountability

1. Commit to spending time this week (30 minutes) this week to learn more about these changes.

2. Spend a few minutes before or after church talking with your kids about the Mass, its new prayers and responses.

Author(s)

John Tekulve and Michael Copfer

Included Resources

The Archdiocese of Cincinnati website has a wealth of resources and links

Booklet – “A Guide to The New Translation of The Mass” by Dr. Edward Sri, Ascension Press

CD – A Walk Through The New Mass Translation, Dr. Edward Sri, Lighthouse Catholic Media

The essence and structure of the Mass is not changing but many of the prayers and responses to liturgy have been newly translated to English from the Latin text. The Mass was originally celebrated in Latin but this changed with the Second Vatican Council in the 1960’s when prayers and liturgy were translated into the vernacular (common) language of different countries. The official Latin text is contained in a book called the Roman Missal. This is what was translated. It was done quickly using a general meaning of the text rather than providing a more close word for word translation. The paraphrasing resulted in the loss of spiritual meanings and theoretical concepts that were not always as clear as they could be. In 2001, the Vatican called for a more precise translation which will be effective November 27^th2011, which is the first Sunday of Advent, and the beginning of the Church’s new liturgical year.

Overall, the new language more fully conveys rich biblical images and allusions. The revised translation as a whole uses a more heightened style of English in order to express greater reverence and humility when praying to God in Mass. The style emphasizes God’s goodness, power and glory so we understand that we are encountering the presence of him in the sacred liturgy of the Mass.

Some of the changes are as follows:

Priest’s Greeting: “The Lord be with you”. Our response will now be “And with your spirit”

Readings above: 2 Timothy 4:22 and Philippians 4:23.

The new translation better reflects the Latin text of the biblical language. The old translation of this greeting gave the impression that our response was intended to be a personal greeting or reciprocal goodwill. There is much more to this response. When a man is ordained a priest, the Holy Spirit comes upon him in a unique way, enabling him to perform the sacred rites of the Mass and consecrate the Eucharist. By responding “And with your spirit” we acknowledge the Holy Spirit is working through the priest during the sacred liturgy. We are experiencing Jesus who is the head of the community gathered for Mass and it is his Spirit who is the primary actor in the liturgy, regardless of who the priest may be.

Nicene Creed: “We believe” is now “I believe”.

The new translation unites us with the rest of the Catholic world in using the singular. After Vatican II, English was the only Western Language that translated the opening Latin word of the Creed (Credo) with the plural. The singular “I” makes the Creed more personal and challenges each individual to interiorize the faith. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “I believe” expresses “the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer (no.167).

This is what we do when we renew our baptismal promises during the Easter season or when we attend a baptism. The priest asks if we believe in the various statements of faith in the Creed: “Do you believe in God the Father Almighty…..?” Do you believe in the Holy Spirit…..? Each individual answers saying “I do”. It is fitting that we will regularly make a similar personal act of faith by using the singular “I believe” whenever the Creed is recited in the Mass.

The Sanctus:

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord, God of power and might” is now “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts”

Reading above: Isaiah 6:3.

The opening line of the Sanctus is taken from the angels’ worship of God in heaven. In the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah was given a vision of the angels praising God, crying out “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts” (Isaiah 6:3). The word “hosts” here refers to the army of angels in heaven. When we recite “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts” in the Mass, therefore, we are joining the angels in heaven, and echoing their very words of worship.

This new translation more clearly underscores the infinite breadth of God’s power. All things in heaven and on earth are under his dominion—including the angels.

Words of Institution

“For all” is now “For many”.

Reading above: Isaiah 53:11-12.

The previous translation referred to Jesus’ blood having redemptive value “for all”. The new translation replaces this with “for many”. This revision remains closer to Jesus’ actual words in the Gospel (Matthew 26:28) and is also more harmonious with the Latin text.

Some have raised concerns that the words “for many” limits the universal scope of Jesus’s saving mission and that he did not die for everyone—-that he offered his blood on Calvary not “for all” but for a select group of people, “for many”.

The new translation points to the reality that while Jesus died for all, not everyone chooses to accept this gift. Each individual must choose to welcome the gift of salvation and live according to that grace, so that they may be among “the many”.

Jesus’s language at the Last Supper about his blood being poured out “for many” recalls that there are the three times “the many” is mentioned in Isaiah 53:11-12. In this prophecy, Isaiah foretold that God would one day send his servant who would make himself “an offering for sin” bearing the sin of “many” and making “many” righteous.

Ecci Angus Dei

“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you” is now “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof”.

Readings above: Matthew 8:8 and Luke 7:6-7

These new words reflect the humility and trust of the Roman centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant who is at his house, paralyzed and in distress. As a Gentile, outside of God’s covenant, and a Roman officer in charge of soldiers who were oppressing God’s people, this centurion humbly acknowledges, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof”. He expresses a great faith that surpassed many others in the gospels and amazes even Jesus himself: he believes Jesus can heal from afar, simply by speaking his word. “But only say the word, and my servant shall be healed”. Jesus praises the man for his faith.

At this moment in mass, like the centurion, we recognize our unworthiness to have Jesus come sacramentally under the “roof” of our souls in Holy Communion. But just at the centurion believed Jesus was able to heal his servant, we also trust that Jesus can heal us when we receive the Eucharist.

Reinventing Date Night

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
– Aristotle, Greek Philosopher (384 – 322 BC)

Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a marriage relationship from getting stale. Keeping the butterflies of early romance from quickly fluttering away after marriage is a desire shared by both the husband and wife. So how do guys just like you, keep their marriages from slipping into familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment – Date Night!

Objective

The objective is for the Fathers Team member to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship by focusing on “Date Night” with their wife.
As background, most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. However, marriage studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists & therapists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy.
Fun date night ideas are a great way to help blossom a marriage by doing things you both enjoy. There are so many places to go and things to do – so, go play! Fun date ideas are the best way to get closer as a couple. Your wife wants to see your creative, playful side and when you put your own thoughts and effort into it, you’ll be surprised how well she will respond to your romantic date idea simply because the date idea came from you. And don’t be shy, if you are aiming to surprise your wife, don’t be afraid to ask her preferences so you can create fun date ideas that both of you will enjoy.

The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant together or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking a hot air balloon ride together or riding horseback through a vineyard, then having a secluded wine & cheese picnic.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

2. Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Small Group Questions

1. What is the best “date night” that you have had with your wife so far?

2. What was the novelty in the “date night” that excited her?

3. Review the list of 100 Great Date nights, which one will you try with your wife in the next week?

Accountability

1. Share your plans for the “first date” this week with your small team (from the 100 Great Date Nights list or other)

2. Share with your small team next week how the date night went, what was the novelty in it for you and your wife?

3. Plan out the next 10 date nights with your wife, and then go on the dates! Share with the small team after 90 days.

Included Resources

100 Fun Date Night Ideas & Activities

“mix and match” to make your date night a unique novel experience

1. Go get pampered or have massages together at a local day spa

2. Go schooner sailing at sunset

3. Take a Segway Tour through out a park

4. Reserve a spot on a yacht party cruise

5. Try your hand at indoor rock climbing

6. Go on a kayaking adventure tour – sight see from a kayak or canoe

7. Take an archery class together

8. Try skydiving, take lessons or try a tandem jump

9. Go on a harbor excursion – watch marine life or go whale or dolphin watching

10. Take a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride thru the city

11. Day adventure to any beautiful garden-park or arboretum, together

12. Enjoy a secluded beach and swim and/or enjoy the sun, together

13. Take a winery tour, or vineyard/winery tour on horseback if possible

14. Rent canoe, kayak or paddle boat and have a floating picnic on a lake

15. Go river rafting or inter tubing on a creek, river or lake

16. Go camping together

17. Become restaurant critics, find the most romantic restaurant by trying ones you haven’t

18. Go to the zoo and/or aquarium

19. See a play at the local suburb theater or at the High School

20. Hang out at a high-class cocktail lounge or restaurant, request a song from a piano man

21. Book an experience activity such as driving a real race car together

22. Take a Hot Air Balloon ride

23. Go Para-sailing together

24. Make your own wine, beer or root beer together

25. Take your dog(s) to the local dog park

26. Go fishing, or teach each other how to fish

27. Take a romantic walking tour of your city – pretend to be a tourist for a day

28. Spend the day with binoculars and a camera and go bird watching

29. Visit a U-Pick farm and pick fruit together, make sure you feed each other the samples!

30. Go Ice Skating together, and then warm up together!

31. Go to a baseball game, football game or Basketball game.

32. Tour new homes together

33. Learn to scuba dive together

34. Go on a haunted ghost tour together

35. See a local jazz band, concert, or orchestra in Cincinnati

36. Make it a romantic mission to ride a Ferris wheel together, kissing each other at the top!

37. Take a romantic afternoon walk or picnic at a park together

38. Go on a hiking trip together

39. Go to your local bookstore to pick out a surprise book for each other

40. Take turns reading a book to each other

41. Relive and go to the first place you ever went out together

42. Go shopping for new clothes, pick out clothes for each other

43. Go to a local gym to exercise together or to join together

44. Go tanning at a salon together and then go get pedicures

45. Spring time walk to pick wildflowers together

46. Go on an afternoon sightseeing drive and explore places you haven’t seen before

47. Spend the morning going to local garage sales to go treasure hunting

48. Visit an old cemetery

49. A date to have ice-cream together, make sure you feed each other a few bites

50. Window shop at local antique shops

51. Go moonlight bowling

52. A date to a karaoke bar for some singing (or watch others sing)

53. A roller-blade or roller skating date

54. A date to take pictures of each other

55. Go to a supermarket to pick out a meal and then back home to cook it, together

56. A date to wash and wax your cars together, make sure you spray each other with the hose!

57. Spend an evening to write poems for each other

58. A date to roast marshmallows over a campfire or fire pit in the back yard

59. Park near the airport to watch planes take off – feel the thunder of the planes –dream of your next trip together

60. Go to a park and star watch together

61. Bake cookies, make popcorn and watch a scary movie at midnight

62. A date to wash each other’s hair and then give back rubs to each other

63. Have a shaving cream fight and pillow fight

64. Go dancing or take dancing lessons together

65. Take a scenic drive in a rented convertible, or your own sports car

66. Schedule a dinner cruise on a train or boat

67. Take a charter fishing trip or whale watching tour

68. Go skiing or hang out around the snow, at the lodge

69. Visit a town or city you’ve never been to

70. Play a round at a fancy golf course

71. Take a helicopter or airplane site seeing tour together

72. Go visit the art gallery or art museum together

73. Go to the beach and build a sand castle together

74. Rent a limo and drive nowhere in particular

75. Visit the planetarium or Museum Center

76. Play in the water at the Beach Water park

77. Learn a new game at a casino

78. Visit a wax museum or find the historical landmarks in your area

79. Play arcade games together or play games on your home console

80. Patio/deck picnic

81. Watch a meteor shower in the evening, with wine and snacks

82. Go on a ferry boat ride to nowhere in particular

83. Go to a classic car show

84. Play miniature golf

85. See a Broadway show together

86. Take a helicopter ride together

87. Go to a high school or college sports event

88. Go to a Roller Derby event

89. Visit a dog or horse race track, together

90. Play laser tag or paint ball tag

91. Go target shooting or go to a shooting range together

92. Make it a mission to ride as many roller coasters you can find

93. Go on a hay ride in the fall during the evening; remember to bring a blanket to snuggle under!

94. Watch the sunset. Just pick a scenic spot, grab a bottle of wine (or your favorite beverage) and enjoy!

95. Reminisce Together – Share journals, pictures, letters, home videos, etc.

96. Bake Dessert Together – cake decorating, banana split, sundae, berry or chocolate smoothies

97. Build a snowman or snowwomen together, then warm up with hot chocolate and a blanket

98. Ride go-carts or “bump m” cars at the carnival

99. Visit the pumpkin farm or Christmas Tree Farm and talk a long slow walk in the nearby woods

100. (Fill in your favorite Date Night Idea Here )

Family Relationships

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

Do you have a family member who you haven’t talked to in a long time? Perhaps a brother, sister, aunt or uncle that you just can’t seem to get along with or that long standing grudge you don’t even recall the cause of? How do we as fathers find the opportunity to reach out and show love for the people around us who make up our family?

Objective

Family is more than just your wife and children. You began with your parents and perhaps some siblings. Along the way you became close or at least associated with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. Then you marry and pick up an even wider circle of family members. This ever expanding circle of family we gather along life’s path can be difficult to manage, conflicts along the way are inevitable.

· How do we as fathers become role models for our children, and perhaps our extended family?

· Is there a damaged relationship you can try, AGAIN, to reach out to mend?

· Has someone moved away for work or school that might need a friendly contact?

· Are you able to be a voice of reason at family gatherings if conflict arises?

· When’s the last time your family had a reunion besides just attending a funeral?

· As Christians how do we set a Christ-like example of how to deal with loved ones around us?

Bible Readings

1. 1 Timothy 5:1-8 (Pay attention to 8 the most

5:1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. 3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

2. Isaiah 49 15-16

15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. 16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

3. Luke 12:13-21

13 6 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me.” 14 He replied to him, “Friend, who appointed me as your judge and arbitrator?” 15 Then he said to the crowd, “Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.” 16 Then he told them a parable. “There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest. 17 He asked himself, ‘What shall I do, for I do not have space to store my harvest?’ 18 And he said, ‘This is what I shall do: I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones. There I shall store all my grain and other goods 19 and I shall say to myself, “Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink, be merry!” 20 But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’ 21 Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for himself but is not rich in what matters to God.” 7

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

2. Paragraph 2215

Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”

3. Paragraph 2206

The relationships within the family bring an affinity of feelings, affections and interests, arising above all from the members’ respect for one another. The family is a privileged community called to achieve a “sharing of thought and common deliberation by the spouses as well as their eager cooperation as parents in the children’s upbringing.”

4. Paragraph 2208

The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor. There are many families who are at times incapable of providing this help. It devolves then on other persons, other families, and, in a subsidiary way, society to provide for their needs: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have family relationships that are in need of repair?

2. Do you have a family member that you have lost touch with because our lives are just too busy?

3. Who in your family, perhaps your wife, your sister or brother, sets the example of how to maintain a large and healthy family circle? What can you learn from them and how can you help or foster that example?

4. How many conflicts in the family are over money or possessions? See the reading above from Luke and discuss how possessions effect our relationships.

5. Is it possible that you treat your family members worse than you treat your friends?

6. Do you have family reunions? How large? How often? Who arranges that?

Recommended Resources

1. Family Feuds: Fixing the rift
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1002242,00.html

2. Repairing relationships: Family relationship challenge:
http://www.parentsconnect.com/questions/family-relationships-boot-camp-repair-relationship.jhtml

3. No One’s Family Is Normal
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/friends-family/inlaws-extended-family/normal-family

Accountability

1. What family relationship can you set a goal to repair?

2. How can you begin to set the example of how keep family relationships and traditions core to your families core values?

Author(s)

Dan Lape

Stages of Fatherhood: Changes of the 8’s – Age 0-8, 8-16, 16-24

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

We recognize stages of marriage; here we will examine the stages of Fatherhood. From birth to 8 years old – you are the most important man in your child’s life, from 9-16 your relationship will wane and the mom may play the dominant role (especially with girls), from 17-24 – you will wonder where the kids went. Join us to understand how to cope with these stages.

Objective

Our objective in this discussion is to better recognize and deal with the various stages of lives that our children are going through so we can better respond as a parent/father to help them develop and to give us a chance, as fathers, to enhance and preserve our relationship with our children.

Parenting an infant/toddler

· “The challenge for first-time dads is learning how to be patient and to be a server. Infants and toddlers feel like their world revolves around them and it does — they need to be taken care of and can’t do things on their own.”

· Prioritize. People tell you a baby will change your life but until it actually happens to you, it’s hard to comprehend the time and investment but also the joy.

· Keep your sense of humor. A dad who laughs when his son wakes him up 50 times a night, accidentally sprays him in face with urine, and poops in the tub will be a happier dad.

· Being an involved dad means changing diapers, feeding and disciplining from the beginning. That kind of dad will also remain more involved when his child is a teen.

· Support mom. She’s overwhelmed. Make time for each other.

· Play with your child. Dads tend to be less verbal and more hands-on, and research suggests that’s important for children.

· Take an interest in whatever your child is interested in: If you have a daughter who loves to dress up, do some make-believe with her, have a tea party.

· Read to your child starting at a very young age. Cuddle when you read: Touch is huge in terms of attachment — hug, kiss, hold hands.

Parenting school-age kids

· “These are formative years, the time when a child develops trust issues, social interaction, overall personality. The challenge is to be consistent, provide security, establish routines. Older dads regret they didn’t spend enough time with their children. Fathers mistakenly feel that their most important task as a father is to work and earn money.” Kids will ask 500,000 questions before they are 15 years old. That’s a lot of opportunities to teach about life.

· Spend time alone with your kids.

· Laugh with your kids. Enjoy the child within yourself.

· Teach independence, confidence, competition and self-reliance.

· Teach an appreciation for the outdoors and respect for nature.

· Keep promises. Dads are role-models for strength and accountability in the family.

· Never use sarcasm and ridicule to discipline. Be fair and consistent.

· Use words and tone of voice wisely. Teach children to respect you, not fear you.

· Be consistent. Don’t laugh at bad behavior and then punish the same behavior later.

· Role model love. Love the children’s mother and demonstrate it. Children raised in loving environments fare better in all aspects of life.

Parenting Teens

· “There are tremendous pressures on teens that were not there in the previous generations. At times the adolescent seems to have it all together and then five minutes later does something impulsive and unbelievably childish. The teenage years are a time when children are practicing how to be an adult. Remember that their friends are their world.”

· One of the foremost challenges for fathers is to keep pace with a changing society that increasingly blends traditional parental roles of provider and nurturer. A father can offer his girls the opportunity to learn that men can treat women with respect/dignity. He can show his sons that he can be an athlete, businessman, scientist who is also a feeling person.

· Listen more than talk, and try to listen to their friends too.

· Talk to them about their goals and encourage them to live their dreams.

· If you are not good at something for which they need help, help them find someone who is.

· Attend some if not all of their events — especially if they are performing or playing a sport.

· Have one-on-one time with each of your children even if it only 10 minutes a couple of times per week. Play and laugh as well as have the difficult conversations.

Parenting an adult child

· “Fathers often forget that their offspring actually is an adult. Parents tend to lapse into old patterns that renew the parent-child dichotomy rather than enlisting the adult-to-adult transactions that are so empowering. This is exacerbated by the fact that the child also forgets that he/she is an adult. It is a very common dynamic that adult children, when in the presence of their parents, actually regress to a former stage of development.”

· Remember that most adult children do not need parenting per se. They need to be in the presence of mature adults who can be wisdom figures. Remember that your child is a budding individual who will learn from trial and error. Do not expect your 20-year-old adult child to carry the knowledge and wisdom of your 50-year-old self.

· Remember the choices we may think of as “mistakes” are really part of the learning curve. Help your offspring accept this and accept their choices (which may carry harsh consequences) as learning opportunities.

· Listen to your adult children and have compassion for what they are undergoing. Try to remember what it was like for you at whatever stage of their life they are in before jumping in with advice-giving.

· Create some clear boundaries with yourself so you can be emotionally supporting without feeling you must rescue your children from the lessons they may be in the middle of learning. This will be most empowering for your children, and this will require great patience on your part.

· Learn to let go of the outcome. If you are involved in your adult child’s life in such a way that you try to orchestrate any outcome, you are probably guilty of projecting your own wants/needs/desires onto your children. Although it seems loving, it may circumvent their independence and personal journey. Each of us must find our own way.

· Many adults are returning “home” as they are unable to find work or otherwise are unable to fully support themselves or their families. In such situations many parents have legitimate and pressing questions on how to “be” with their adults kids. In these situations it is helpful for communication about expectations be forthcoming — clear yet flexible.

· If you get stuck in wanting to “fix” things for your children, try this: Take a quiet breath and then ask in a loving and inquisitive tone: What are you going to do? This pre-empts the idea that the parent is responsible for finding a way out of the quagmire. (Note that this works in other relationships as well.)

Bible Readings

1. Deuteronomy 11:19 ESV

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

2. Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

Small Group Questions

1. Where are your children in the stage of their life/your relationship?

2. Have you considered what you can do to leverage today’s lesson to improve your relationship with your child?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.daytondailynews.com/lifestyle/negotiating-the-stages-of-fatherhood-772163.html

Accountability

1. This would be a good week to talk to your spouse about this lesson – what is your plan?

Author

Rich Delcore

Respect (my wife and) your mother

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

As a child’s independence is developed, mothers are often treated poorly by their offspring. This can be particularly difficult for moms. How do we, as fathers, act to support our wives during this time?

Objective

Each of us goes through a period in our teen years where we begin to establish our independence as an individual. This development of our independence often includes us abruptly distancing ourselves from those we have been very dependant on, most of all, our mothers. Talking back, ignoring, and ultimately condescension of our mothers provide a “safe test” of our ability to be independent, because mothers always “take us back.” We, as husbands and fathers, need to stay involved in this mother-child relationship. We need to let our child know that before their mother was their mother, she was our girlfriend, then our bride. We need to create a family environment that lets the child know that we love and support their mother, and expect them to do the same. With our wives, we must delicately manage the child’s growth and independence, while avoiding a breakdown in relationships.

Bible Readings

1. Sirach 3

Children, pay heed to a father’s right; do so that you may live. For the LORD sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons. He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother. He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the LORD who brings comfort to his mother. He who fears the LORD honors his father, and serves his parents as rulers. In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you; For a father’s blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother’s curse uproots the growing plant.

2. Luke 27-35

He came in the Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and blessed God, saying: “Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel.” The child’s father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2217

As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. “Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Small Group Questions

1. How do you deal with issues of “respect” in your family?

2. Have you discussed with your wife how you will handle disrespect from children?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/teaching-children-respect.html

2. http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/2008/04/12/10-tips-on-teaching-respect-to-children-you-cant-get-it-if-you-dont-give-it/

3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T ….find out what it means to me! Aretha Franklin

Accountability

1. Talk to your wife about how you are or will handle respect issues. One parent handing out punishment and then asking the other for support after the fact can be challenging.

2. Demonstrate to your children that you and your wife are a “team.”

3. Referring to your wife as your “girlfriend” or “bride” changes the perspective of children being disrespectful of your wife….try it.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney / Kevin McDonough

Included Resources

http://www.teach-nology.com/tutorials/teaching/respect/

Respect- How to teach it and how to show it

by Steve McChesney

One of the most important things you can teach your child is respect.

Keep in mind that respect is not the same as obedience. Children might obey because they are afraid. If they respect you, they will obey because they know you want what’s best for them.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, they know what it feels like and begin to understand how important it is.

Keep in mind the saying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Respect is an attitude. Being respectful helps a child succeed in life. If children don’t have respect for peers, authority, or themselves, it’s almost impossible for them to succeed.

A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities, and a respectful child gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it’s unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child?

Be honest – If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.

Be positive – Don’t embarrass, insult or make fun of your child. Compliment them.

Be Trusting – Let your child make choices and take responsibility.

Be fair – Listen to your child’s side of the story before reaching a conclusion.

Be polite – Use “please” and “thank you”. Knock before entering your child’s room.

Be reliable – Keep promises. Show your child that you mean what you say.

Be a good listener – Give your child your full attention.

Children learn from everything we say and do. Make sure that you are modeling respectful behavior. Some of things you can do are:

Obey laws – Follow rules. Be caring – Show concern for people, animals and the environment.

Avoid poor role models – When you see examples of disrespect, discuss them. (more)

Pornography – The Drug of the New Millennium

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

Imagine a drug so powerful it can destroy a family simply by distorting a man’s perception of his wife. Picture an addiction so lethal it has the potential to render an entire generation incapable of forming lasting marriages – Pornography, the drug of the new millennium.

Objective

The Objective is present the church’s position on pornography as stated in the Catechism. This position is backed-up by modern scientific studies, which says that it is enslaving people similar to drugs and ruining marriages.

Bible Readings

1. Mathew 5: 27-29

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna.

2. Wisdom 15:1-6

But thou, our God, art kind and true, patient, and ruling all things in mercy. For even if we sin we are thine, knowing thy power; but we will not sin, because we know that we are accounted thine. For to know thee is complete righteousness, and to know thy power is the root of immortality. For neither has the evil intent of human art misled us, nor the fruitless toil of painters, a figure stained with varied colors, whose appearance arouses yearning in fools, so that they desire the lifeless form of a dead image. Lovers of evil things and fit for such objects of hope are those who either make or desire or worship them.

3. Mathew 5:28

Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2354

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials

2. Paragraph 2396

Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.

3. Paragraph 2211

The political community has a duty to honor the family, to assist it, and to ensure especially: …- the protection of security and health, especially with respect to dangers like drugs, pornography, alcoholism, etc.

4. Paragraph 2525

Christian purity requires a purification of the social climate. It requires of the communications media that their presentations show concern for respect and restraint. Purity of heart brings freedom from widespread eroticism and avoids entertainment inclined to voyeurism and illusion.

Small Group Questions

1. Do you read books or magazines or watch movies or visit websites that you would not tell your wife about? How about your holy mother in Heaven?

2. What happens when “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” follows you home?

3. Is pornography an issue with you?

4. Have you ever overcome a battle against pornography; if yes, how did you deal with it?

Accountability

1. Rid your home and computer of any pornographic material.

2. Pray a Rosary and/or Chaplet of Divine Mercy for yourself and/or others battling pornography.

Author(s)

Michael Copfer

Included Resources:

“Getting Serious About Pornography”, National Review Online, 3/31/2010: http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/229439/getting-serious-about-pornography/anonymous

· An estimated 40 million people use this drug on a regular basis.

· Neurological data suggest its effects on the brain are strikingly similar to those of synthetic drugs

· Two authorities on the neurochemistry of addiction, Harvey Milkman and Stanley Sunderwirth, claim it is the ability of this drug to influence all three pleasure systems in the brain — arousal, satiation, and fantasy — that makes it “the pièce de résistance among the addictions.”

· According to Dr. Victor Cline, a nationally renowned clinical psychologist who specializes in sexual addiction, pornography addiction is a process that undergoes four phases:

(1) First, addiction, resulting from early and repeated exposure accompanied by masturbation.

(2) Second, escalation, during which the addict requires more frequent porn exposure to achieve the same “highs” and may learn to prefer porn to sexual intercourse.

(3) Third, desensitization, during which the addict views as normal what was once considered repulsive or immoral.

(4) And finally, the acting-out phase, during which the addict runs an increased risk of making the leap from screen to real life.

· A 2004 study published in Social Science Quarterly found that Internet users who had had an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more likely to have used online porn than Internet users who had not had an affair.

· A 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, during which surveyed lawyers claimed that “an obsessive interest in Internet pornography” was a significant factor in 56 percent of their divorce cases the prior year.

· Porn use creates the impression that aberrant sexual practices are more common than they really are, and that promiscuous behavior is normal.

· Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, used MRI scans to analyze the brain activity of men viewing pornography. She found that after viewing porn, men looked at women more as objects than as human beings.

“The Weight of Smut”, Mary Eberstadt, First Things, June/July 2010

http://www.firstthings.com/article/2010/05/the-weight-of-smut

· “sexual obesity”: the widespread gorging on pornographic imagery

· The term sexual obesity comes from Mary Ann Layden, a psychiatrist who runs the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania. She sees the victims of Internet-pornography consumption in her practice, day in and day out.

· Results: Young people who have been exposed to pornography are:

o more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners,

o more likely to have had more than one sexual partner in the last three months,

o more likely to have used alcohol or other substances at their last sexual encounter,

o more likely to have scored higher on a “sexual permissiveness” test

o more likely to have tried risky forms of sex

o more likely to engage in forced sex

o more likely to be sexual offenders.

· In 2004, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University reported that 65 percent of boys ages 16 and 17 reported having friends who regularly download Internet pornography

· Economists Kirk Doran and Joseph Price are examining data from the General Social Survey (GSS) to assess the negative impact of pornography on other aspects of marriage. They report that, among individuals who have ever been married, those who say they’ve seen an X-rated movie in the last year are 25 percent more likely to be divorced and 13 percent less likely to identify themselves as “very happy” with life in general.

· See article for more information

“Pornography’s Impact on Marriage & The Family”, by Jill Manning M.S., Presented to Subcommittee US Senate 11/9/2005

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Testimony/Pornographys-Impact-on-Marriage-amp-The-Family

Since the advent of the Internet, the pornography industry has profited from an unprecedented proximity to the home, work and school environments. Consequently, couples, families, and individuals of all ages are being impacted by pornography in new and often devastating ways.
Although many parents work diligently to protect their family from sexually explicit material, research funded by Congress has shown Internet pornography to be “very intrusive.” Additionally, we know that a variety of fraudulent, illegal and unethical practices are used to attract new customers and eroticize attitudes that undermine public health and safety. This profit-driven assault jeopardizes the well-being of our youth and violates the privacy of those who wish not to be exposed.
Leading experts in the field of sexual addictions contend on-line sexual activity is “a hidden public health hazard exploding, in part because very few are recognizing it as such or taking it seriously.”

Research reveals many systemic effects of Internet pornography that are undermining an already vulnerable culture of marriage and family. Even more disturbing is the fact that the first Internet generations have not reached full-maturity, so the upper-limits of this impact have yet to be realized. Furthermore, the numerous negative effects research point to are extremely difficult, if not impossible, for individual citizens or families to combat on their own.

This testimony is not rooted in anecdotal accounts or personal views, but rather in findings from studies published in peer-reviewed research journals. I have submitted a review of this research to the Committee, and request that it be included in the record.

The marital relationship is a logical point of impact to examine because it is the foundational family unit and a sexual union easily destabilized by sexual influences outside the marital contract. Moreover, research indicates the majority of Internet users are married and the majority seeking help for problematic sexual behavior online are married, heterosexual males. The research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:

1. Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce,

2. Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction,

3. Infidelity

4. Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices,

5. Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing,

6. An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behavior.

These trends reflect a cluster of symptoms that undermine the foundation upon which successful marriages and families are established.

While the marital bond may be the most vulnerable relationship to Internet pornography, children and adolescents are the most vulnerable audience. When a child lives in a home where an adult is consuming pornography, he or she encounters the following four risks:

1. Decreased parental time and attention

2. Increased risk of encountering pornographic material

3. Increased risk of parental separation and divorce and

4. Increased risk of parental job loss and financial strain

When a child or adolescent is directly exposed the following effects have been documented:

1. Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses,

2. Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s over the lifespan,

3. The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and the objectification of humans.

4. The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects;

5. Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior,

6. Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.

7. And, overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity).

Because the United States is ranked among the top producers and consumers of pornography globally, the federal government has a unique opportunity to take a lead in addressing this issue and the related harm. This leadership could unfold in a variety of ways. For example, through:

· Educating the public about the risks of pornography consumption,

· Supporting research that examines aspects of Internet pornography currently unknown,

· Allocating resources to enforce laws already in place, and lastly,

· Legally implement technological solutions that separate Internet content, allowing consumers to choose the type of legal content they wish to have access to.

In closing, I am convinced Internet pornography is grooming young generations of Americans in such a way that their chances of enjoying healthy and enduring relationships are handicapped. I hope this committee will carefully consider measures to reduce the harm associated with Internet pornography.

For the full research submitted for the record: http://s3.amazonaws.com/thf_media/2010/pdf/ManningTST.pdf

“What’s Wrong with Pornography, by Ross S. Olson MD

http://www.rossolson.org/pornography/whats_wrong_with.html

How is pornography destructive? Sexual images are extremely persistent. Men who started with pornography as young boys often can remember in great detail the images that got them started and continue to be affected by them. But the major danger is that the intensity of the material tends to escalate because after a while the mild stuff is no longer as stimulating. The images become associated with masturbation and it is the nature of orgiastic activity that it produces a desire for repetition.

When sex is kept within the context of marriage, this habit-forming tendency helps cement the commitment and motivate a couple to work out the inevitable problems that go with human relationships. But sexual stimulation with pornography, because it is devoid of human interaction, is intensely selfish and becomes quickly jaded. Thus the fantasies need to become more explicit, more bizarre and more blended with violence to achieve the same level of excitement. Finally, images alone are not enough and the desire to act out the fantasies becomes powerful. Since the focus has been consistently on selfish pleasure and the pictures seen as objects, the transition is sometimes frighteningly easy.

So pornography makes monsters of susceptible people, mostly men who started as boys. Rapists, child molesters and serial killers uniformly are addicted to pornography. To say that some who use pornography do not reach this extreme is beside the point. For some, it “only” makes sexual fulfillment in marriage difficult if not impossible. This is because the patterns are so hard to change and the pornography user finds the mate inferior to his fantasies. There is a parallel here with alcohol. Some people do not have a problem with it, but their use may inadvertently lead others to use, abuse and ultimately be destroyed. With pornography, the danger is so dramatic, why play around with it?

My Career and Me

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

How does my career define me? Am I happy with my career? Looking for change or reaffirmation? Do I have the right balance of work & family?

Objective

Who is the same job as they were five years ago? Who will be in the same job in five years from now? There are no more 35 year jobs anymore. We are in a different economy than our father’s. Today’s career is mobile and dynamic.

We all need plans (1, 3 & 5 year plans). We need to be always transitioning to the next phase of our career. Every day, we are constructing our exit ramps. Networking is key in a “small” city like Cincinnati.

As a provider for our family, we have a responsibility to provide through a working career both contingency and growth. However, we have to achieve that with humility and balance.

Bible Readings

1. Jeremiah 29:11-14

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you-oracle of the LORD-plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me—oracle of the LORD and I will change your lot; I will gather you together from all the nations and all the places to which I have banished you-oracle of the LORD-and bring you back to the place from which I have exiled you.

2. Proverbs 24:27

Prepare your outside work, Make it fit for yourself in the field; And afterward build your house.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraphs 2427-2429

2427 Human work proceeds directly from persons created in the image of God and called to prolong the work of creation by subduing the earth, both with and for one another.210 Hence work is a duty: “If any one will not work, let him not eat.”211 Work honors the Creator’s gifts and the talents received from him. It can also be redemptive. By enduring the hardship of work212 in union with Jesus, the carpenter of Nazareth and the one crucified on Calvary, man collaborates in a certain fashion with the Son of God in his redemptive work. He shows himself to be a disciple of Christ by carrying the cross, daily, in the work he is called to accomplish. Work can be a means of sanctification and a way of animating earthly realities with the Spirit of Christ.

2428 In work, the person exercises and fulfills in part the potential inscribed in his nature. The primordial value of labor stems from man himself, its author and its beneficiary. Work is for man, not man for work.

Everyone should be able to draw from work the means of providing for his life and that of his family, and of serving the human community.

2429 Everyone has the right of economic initiative; everyone should make legitimate use of his talents to contribute to the abundance that will benefit all and to harvest the just fruits of his labor. He should seek to observe regulations issued by legitimate authority for the sake of the common good.

Small Group Questions

1. Have you had a career change in recent years? How did it affect your family?

2. Does your current job align with long term plans?

Recommended Resources

1. “What Color is My Parachute?” by Dick Bolles

2. “Dream Manager” by Matthew Kelly

3. http://www.adultmentor.com

4. Balancing Work and Family
http://umaine.edu/publications/4186e/

Accountability

1. Go through “Dream Manager” activity or similar program.

2. Discuss goals with wife and family.

Author(s)

Walt Moll & Anthony Your

Included Resources

Work-life balance: Tips to reclaim control
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/work-life-balance/WL00056

There was a time when the boundaries between work and home were fairly clear. Today, however, work is likely to invade your personal life — and maintaining work-life balance is no simple task. Still, work-life balance isn’t out of reach. Start by evaluating your relationship to work. Then apply specific strategies to help you strike a healthier balance.

Married to your work? Consider the cost

It can be tempting to rack up hours at work, especially if you’re trying to earn a promotion or manage an ever-increasing workload. Sometimes overtime may even be required. If you’re spending most of your time working, though, your home life will take a hit. Consider the consequences of poor work-life balance:

· Fatigue. When you’re tired, your ability to work productively and think clearly may suffer — which could take a toll on your professional reputation or lead to dangerous or costly mistakes.

· Lost time with friends and loved ones. If you’re working too much, you may miss important family events or milestones. This can leave you feeling left out and may harm relationships with your loved ones. It’s also difficult to nurture friendships if you’re always working.

· Increased expectations. If you regularly work extra hours, you may be given more responsibility. This may lead to only more concerns and challenges.

Strike a better work-life balance

As long as you’re working, juggling the demands of career and personal life will probably be an ongoing challenge. Use these ideas to help you find the work-life balance that’s best for you:

· Track your time. Track everything you do for one week, including work-related and personal activities. Decide what’s necessary and what satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don’t enjoy or can’t handle — or share your concerns and possible solutions with your employer or others.

· Take advantage of your options. Ask your employer about flex hours, a compressed workweek, job sharing, telecommuting or other scheduling flexibility. The more control you have over your hours, the less stressed you’re likely to be.

· Learn to say no. Whether it’s a co-worker asking you to spearhead an extra project or your child’s teacher asking you to manage the class play, remember that it’s OK to respectfully say no. When you quit doing the things you do only out of guilt or a false sense of obligation, you’ll make more room in your life for the activities that are meaningful to you and bring you joy.

· Leave work at work. With the technology to connect to anyone at any time from virtually anywhere, there may be no boundary between work and home — unless you create it. Make a conscious decision to separate work time from personal time. When you’re with your family, for instance, turn off your cell phone and put away your laptop computer.

· Manage your time. Organize household tasks efficiently, such as running errands in batches or doing a load of laundry every day, rather than saving it all for your day off. Put family events on a weekly family calendar and keep a daily to-do list. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. Limit time-consuming misunderstandings by communicating clearly and listening carefully. Take notes if necessary.

· Bolster your support system. At work, join forces with co-workers who can cover for you — and vice versa — when family conflicts arise. At home, enlist trusted friends and loved ones to pitch in with child care or household responsibilities when you need to work overtime or travel.

· Nurture yourself. Eat healthy foods, include physical activity in your daily routine and get enough sleep. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as practicing yoga or reading. Better yet, discover activities you can do with your partner, family or friends — such as hiking, dancing or taking cooking classes.

Sharing your Growing Faith with Long Time Friends

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

How do you share your blossoming faith with old friends who “knew you when…”? Do you slide back into the old routine when you’re with them or do you proudly proclaim your faith? What if they challenge you? Are you equipped to answer them in a way that will encourage them to consider the faith without repelling them from the Church?

Objective

You can feel your faith growing. You even enjoy discussing faith in the right company such as Church functions, Father’s Team, conversations with people who you know agree with you, and maybe even in arguments with people who are clearly opposed to your beliefs and very easy to disagree with. But how do you integrate faith into your friendships? How about with friends or family who have left the Catholic Church? Growing faith can create a feeling of contradiction when you are placed in situations and with people that used to be familiar and comfortable. Now you may find that some of those situations do not support your faith and what you have grown to believe. Discerning how to use the gifts your faith has brought and how to integrate this into your relationships can be challenging. The objective of this topic is to uncover some useful ways share your faith and draw your friends closer to God.

Bible Readings

1. Mat.4:19

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men

2. Mk.16:15

Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel

3. Jn.15:16

Ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit (See also Mat.24:14)

4. Isa.6:8

Whom shall I send? Here am I; send me

5. Lk.9:2

(Jesus) sent them to preach…the Kingdom of God

6. Jn.20:21

As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 905

Lay people also fulfill their prophetic mission by evangelization, “that is, the proclamation of Christ by word and the testimony of life.” For lay people, “this evangelization . . . acquires a specific property and peculiar efficacy because it is accomplished in the ordinary circumstances of the world.”

2. Paragraph 2044

The fidelity of the baptized is a primordial condition for the proclamation of the Gospel and for the Church’s mission in the world. In order that the message of salvation can show the power of its truth and radiance before men, it must be authenticated by the witness of the life of Christians. “The witness of a Christian life and good works done in a supernatural spirit have great power to draw men to the faith and to God.”

Small Group Questions

1. Have people noticed a change in you? Have you had the courage to tell them about you faith? About father’s team, etc.

Recommended Resources

2. http://shop.mycatholicfaith.org/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=122

3. http://www.stpatparish.org/evangelization/practicalways.pdf

4. http://www.aquinasandmore.com/catholic-books/How-Not-To-Share-Your-Faith/sku/1830/affiliate/catholicpage4375/t/3

Accountability

1. Tell at least 2 friends about Father’s team.

Author(s)

Chris Runte & Tony Heekin

No Regrets – 10 Ways to Make Time for Your Children

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Anthony Your

Summary

Live every day if it were your last! How do you as a Father balance your faith, family and work in this hurried world, every day? Learn how Father’s just like you are living a daily life of no regrets: making more memories with their family, deepening their faith and coming home from work on time!

Objective

Help the Fathers to understand “How to Live a life of no regrets with your family” by learning how to spend more time with their children and family. It is suggested for the presenting small group, to focus the larger group time by sharing your team’s personal “live a life of no regrets” experiences/examples on how you each have made a “step change” in your life to spend more time with family and your children.

Bible Readings

1. Psalm 112

“His children will be mighty in the land”

2. Romans 8:28

“We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2223

“Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you regularly come home on time from work to your family and children?

2. Are your children’s birthdays, recitals, soccer games, plays, etc. on your work calendar?

3. Do you schedule breakfast dates with your daughter/son?

Recommended Resources

1. Robert Rogers – http://www.mightyintheland.com

2. Mary Beth Bonacci – Catholic Herald – Living Life with “no regrets” http://www.catholicherald.com/stories/Living-with-no-regrets,12859?content_source=&category_id=13&search_filter=&event_mode=&event_ts_from=&list_type=&order_by=&order_sort=&content_class=&sub_type=stories&town_id=

Accountability

1. This week would be a good time to define “what is quality time with your family?”

2. Have you allowed any person or circumstance at work to rob you of your joy? Why?

3. Have you done your 100% best with your family, faith and job this week?

Author(s)

Reid Rooney / Kevin McDonough

Included Resources

Robert Rogers: 10 ways to live a life with no regrets with your family.

1. Sign-up for some organized activity together-chess club, a sports league, church groups, and so on as your free time activity that way, you can use the structure of the activity to help you spend time with your child.

2. Put birthdays, a recital, soccer games, plays, etc. on your work calendar. Tell co-workers that you wouldn’t miss those events for the world, and ask them to help remind you.

3. Create regular rituals to connect with your kids with phone calls from the office, special “daddy” time when you walk in the door, or other weekly events that keep you in touch.

4. Discuss your priorities with your boss. Be candid with him or her about times when you need to flex your schedule for family events. Make it clear that you are dedicated to doing your best at work, but that family is also very important to you. Suggest your own “win-win” solutions or ask for his ideas to help reach a workable balance.

5. Create a “Next Year’s Vacation” planning session with your children by having them share with your pictures/places of where they want to go and how they want to spend time with Dad on vacation!

6. Create a family devotional time. This is a time set aside during a time where all members of the family are required to be there. Then you as a father take the lead in sharing important things with your family. Read passages in Holy Scripture and pray together; share thoughts on certain historical events (Memorial Day) and what they should mean to us; talk about current events; peer pressure the kids are facing or how to look forward to an uncertain future with confidence.

7. As the Father, make the weekend Saturday or Sunday breakfast and have your kids help out as appropriate. Talk as you all prepare the meal about what was their “favorite thing” that happened in their life during the week.

8. Car Time. When traveling to the next sporting or activity event, instead of listening to the radio, try spending time with your kids by discussing with them: 1) What was the best part of today?; 2) What was your favorite thing that happened to you this week; 3) Tell me about something really cool that you saw today/this week?

9. Have a Breakfast time with Daddy with your children individually. No agenda’s just go out to breakfast and spend time with your child 1 on 1. Do you know their favorite song, favorite teacher, who they think is the coolest kid @ school, who are the coolest parents, etc?

10. Support your company’s “Take your children to work day”. If your company does not have it, consider starting one. Many Cincinnati based companies like P&G, Kroger, and Macy’s have established “Take your children to work” programs.

10 tips to make more time with your Children

Parents and their children are spending less time interacting with each other. As a result, many children are getting less personal love and attention than their parents did. American Demographics reported that parents today spend roughly 40 percent less time with their children than did parents a generation ago. To help families stay connected, below is a list of helpful family time tips. Keep in mind, quantity and quality time is important when choosing activities. So build memories around exciting events by keeping your family time creative and enjoyable. Print out the following tips as daily reminders.

1. Eat together & listen to each other

Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinnertime. Yet the communication and unity built during this set-ting is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together allows the opportunity to talk about each other’s lives. This is a time for parents to listen, as well as to give advice and encouragement. Attentive listening conveys a message that a person is really interested in another. It also imparts a sense of worth and helps develop trust. Therefore, listening is a critical link in successful parenting.

2. Read often

It’s important for parents to read to their children. The latest research indicates that reading to your children cultivates an interest for knowledge and stimulates language development. It also increases their attention spans and helps them become more curious. Look for books that your child would enjoy reading. After reading, ask questions about the content.

3. Do chores together

Part of what goes on in the home is the development of teamwork. Functional family life depends on the contribution of everyone. Assigning chores is the most productive way of teaching responsibility and accountability to your children. Doing chores with your child will help foster good communication skills.

4. Help with schoolwork

A great way to spend quality time with children and light a fire of learning is to help children with their schoolwork. A parent’s eagerness to help will cause a child to become more interested in school thus improving his or her grades. Regular trips to the library for school projects are an inexpensive and enjoyable way to spend time with children. Helping should begin with an understanding that children are responsible for homework. Parents are there to help their child get organized and to encourage them when they get stuck.

5. Start a hobby or project

Choose a fun activity that your child is interested in. Activities like cooking, crafts, fishing or biking will make great hobbies that can open the door to exciting family time. Once a child learns a new recipe or is able to cast a lure accurately, let him or her take the lead with your supervision.

6. Play games

New technology has made video games more prevalent. As a result, many children are spending long hours in front of the TV playing computer programs. Parents should find creative ways to spark an interest in family-oriented contests such as board games or card games. This will give parents additional time to talk and nurture their relationship.

7. Plan a family outing

Sometimes getting out of the house is important. Hop in the family car and go for a drive. Prepare a picnic lunch and visit a local park. Take time to play catch or ride a bike. A stroll in the woods will help parents interact with their children. Also, a visit to the zoo or museum will spark a child’s enthusiasm and lead to lengthy discussions.

8. Encourage athletic activities

It is vital for children to exercise. Sports not only strengthen the body, but also build character and determination. Whether it’s a father pitching a baseball to a son or a mother and daughter nature walking, finding time for athletic events is important for a child’s emotional and physical development. This is a great opportunity for a family to interact.

9. Create a Family Time calendar

Since many parents have hectic schedules, time with children often becomes a low priority whether intended or not. Post a calendar on the refrigerator and have parents and children pencil in special events. Knowing when you’re going to meet may also help you think of creative activities. Commit to keeping this schedule free from interruptions.

10. Pray together & attend a house of worship

Nothing is more special than taking a few minutes each day to pray with a child before bedtime. By explaining the purpose behind prayer, children will learn the importance of faith as the foundation for the family. Also, when parents go to religious services, they instill in their children a reverence for God.