Category Archives: Syllabus 2013-2014

How to commit to giving God 10 Minutes a day

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Summary

We are each called as Catholic Men to a deepening relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. A daily habit of committing 10 minutes for prayer should be an attainable goal for each of us to strive for.

Objective

Can Catholic daily prayers change your life? Absolutely! You can develop
a fuller relationship with God and live a better life through prayer. You have a better chance at finding fulfillment (to say nothing of salvation!), from daily prayers than from the many distractions bombarding us these days!

Think of all the promises we hear on TV and elsewhere: you’ll find happiness if you buy this car, this book, this exercise bike, or this pill
(after checking with your doctor first on that last one)! Yet many times our souls feel as empty as our wallets afterwards.

Developing a good prayer life can really change you for the better. Praying can become a most satisfying routine in many ways. It might not be an easy habit to start at first, but it’s definitely one you won’t want to break! Catholic daily prayers can give you a sense of peace and purpose.

Prayer has often been called “the raising up of the mind and heart to God”. We engage in a literally divine conversation with Him. You get a wonderful opportunity from prayer to strengthen and deepen your relationship with our Creator and with your fellow human beings by praying for their needs as well as your own.

Bible Readings

1. Luke 11: 1-13

Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he had finished,
one of his disciples said to him,
“Lord, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples.”
He said to them, “When you pray, say:
Father, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread
and forgive us our sins
for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us,
and do not subject us to the final test.”

2. 1 Thessalonians 4: 10-11

We urge you….to progress even more and to aspire to live a tranquil life

3. Seeking Her Intercession
The Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2697

Prayer is the life of the new heart. It ought to animate us at every moment. But we tend to forget him who is our life and our all. This is why the Fathers of the spiritual life in the Deuteronomic and prophetic traditions insist that prayer is a remembrance of God often awakened by the memory of the heart “We must remember God more often than we draw breath.”1 But we cannot pray “at all times” if we do not pray at specific times, consciously willing it These are the special times of Christian prayer, both in intensity and duration.

2. Paragraph 2698

The Tradition of the Church proposes to the faithful certain rhythms of praying intended to nourish continual prayer. Some are daily, such as morning and evening prayer, grace before and after meals, the Liturgy of the Hours. Sundays, centered on the Eucharist, are kept holy primarily by prayer. the cycle of the liturgical year and its great feasts are also basic rhythms of the Christian’s life of prayer.

3. Paragraph 2699

The Lord leads all persons by paths and in ways pleasing to him, and each believer responds according to his heart’s resolve and the personal expressions of his prayer. However, Christian Tradition has retained three major expressions of prayer: vocal meditative, and contemplative. They have one basic trait in common: composure of heart. This vigilance in keeping the Word and dwelling in the presence of God makes these three expressions intense times in the life of prayer.

Small Group Questions

1. What time of day is the best for you to pray?

2. What resources i.e. daily devotions, scripture or quiet reflections help to put you in a state of grace?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/catholic-daily-prayers.html

2. http://www.livingfaith.com/

3. http://thereasonforourhope.org/meet_father/homilies.php

Accountability

1. Did you carve out a time this week to devote 10 minutes of daily prayer?

2. Did you Pray for your small group members to help him reach his goals?

Author(s)

Bob Considine

Many Parts, One Body: Different Catholic Spiritualities

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Summary

The saints have left us the legacy of their spiritual journeys to God. We will look at St. Ignatius of Loyola, St. Francis of Assisi, and St. John of the Cross and the spiritual practices they left for their orders and the universal Church.

Objective

The history of the Church is rich in people who have shared their experience of how they came close to God. The saints provide us roadmaps to God. As with any roadmap, there are many different ways to arrive at the same place. One path is not superior to another as long as their destination is the same: eternal union with God in heaven as part of the Communion of Saints. While every person’s path to God is unique, there is also no reason to “reinvent the wheel” completely. God has given us the saints as guides, and we can benefit from their experience as we have benefited from the experience of our parents and as our children have benefited from our experience.

St. Ignatius of Loyola founded the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits). St. Francis of Assisi founded the Franciscans. St. John of the Cross helped found the Discalced (“shoeless”) Carmelites. All three were reformers in their day. St. Ignatius was an important part of the Catholic Counter-Reformation; St. Francis answered Jesus’ call to him to “rebuild my Church”; St. John helped to reform the Carmelite order to return it to a greater simplicity. Starting from their own personal encounters with God, these men were sent by the Holy Spirit to touch others and help bring them closer to God. The spiritual approaches these saints developed can speak to us across the centuries and be as applicable to us in this day and age as it was to them in theirs.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 12:12-20

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body – Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the organs in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single organ, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

2. 1 Corinthians 3:5-9

What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are equal, and each shall receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers, you are God’s field, God’s building.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2684

In the communion of saints, many and varied spiritualities have been developed throughout the history of the churches. The personal charism of some witnesses to God’s love for men has been handed on, like “the spirit” of Elijah to Elisha and John the Baptist, so that their followers may have a share in this spirit. A distinct spirituality can also arise at the point of convergence of liturgical and theological currents, bearing witness to the integration of the faith into a particular human environment and its history. The different schools of Christian spirituality share in the living tradition of prayer and are essential guides for the faithful. In their rich diversity they are refractions of the one pure light of the Holy Spirit.

2. Paragraph 2663

In the living tradition of prayer, each Church proposes to its faithful, according to its historical, social, and cultural context, a language for prayer: words, melodies, gestures, iconography. The Magisterium of the Church has the task of discerning the fidelity of these ways of praying to the tradition of apostolic faith; it is for pastors and catechists to explain their meaning, always in relation to Jesus Christ.

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have experience with Jesuit, Franciscan, or Carmelite spirituality? If not, is there another Catholic spirituality (for example, Marianist, Benedictine, Dominican, Trappist, etc.) with which you have experience? What has that experience been? What about that spirituality speaks to you? Is there anything about that spirituality that does not work for you?

2. Although these spiritualities have their roots in religious orders, these spiritualities are not only applicable to priests, brothers, or sisters in those orders. In fact, Franciscan and Carmelite orders have “third order” or secular/lay groups, and Jesuit practices such as the examen are used by many lay people. How can one of these spiritualities be applied in your daily life in the secular world?

3. Is there anything in the life of St. Ignatius, St. Francis, or St. John that speaks to you? St. Ignatius started out as a worldly, vain, and ambitious aristocrat/soldier who was wounded in battle and during his convalescence began to turn toward God; it took him quite a while to discern the path God had set for him and a great deal of growth in his relationship with God. He saw God working in every aspect of his daily life. St. Francis gave up his family’s wealthy lifestyle to live simply upon the providence of God, living as an example of God’s love for other people and all of creation. St. John helped reform the Carmelite order to make it simpler, facing much opposition and persecution. He also emphasized the importance of contemplation and direct encounters with God. All three of these saints placed Jesus at the center of their lives.

Recommended Resources

1. St. Ignatius and Jesuit Spirituality: http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/prs/stign/ignatian_spirit.html

2. What is Ignatian Prayer? (video): http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/what-is-ignatian-spirituality/the-ignatian-way/what-is-ignatian-prayer/

3. St. Francis and Franciscan Spirituality: http://www.ofmqc.ca/eng/spirituality/spirituality01.htm

4. Franciscan Spirituality (video): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kwDEDgPWro

5. St. John of the Cross and Carmelite Spirituality: http://www.carmelite.com/spirituality/default.cfm?loadref=4

6. Carmelite Spirituality: lectio divina: http://ocarm.org/en/content/lectio/what-lectio-divina

7. St. John of the Cross (video): http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=st.+john+of+the+cross&qs=SC&sk=&FORM=VBREQY&pq=st.%20john%20of%20the%20co&sc=2-18&sp=1&qs=SC&sk=#view=detail&mid=2AB0B536A3B7DBABD5912AB0B536A3B7DBABD591

Accountability

1. This week would be a good time to learn a little more about Jesuit, Franciscan, or Carmelite spirituality (or another spirituality you are interested in). Or you might want to learn more about the life of St. Ignatius, St. Francis, or St. John.

2. Sometime this week pray to St. Ignatius, St. Francis, or St. John (or another saint whose spirituality appeals to you) for his intercession as you seek to deepen your relationship with God.

3. Engage in some specific practice particular to one of these spiritualities. For example, you could use the Jesuit examen. You could sit outside and meditate on the Franciscan way of seeing creation as pointing toward God and being in relationship with us as created by God (as in the Canticle of the Sun). You could read Scripture using lectio divina as Carmelites (and others) do, moving towards contemplation.

4. St. Ignatius, St. Francis, and St. John all put Christ at the center of their lives. This week take a concrete action to put Christ more at the center of your life. Some possibilities are: pray 10 minutes each day (or a little more if already praying daily), take 10 minutes in Eucharistic adoration, read a chapter of one of the Gospels, pray the Jesus Prayer – “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” repeatedly in contemplation, or meditate on a crucifix.

Author(s)

Pete Caccavari

Included Resources

1. Pope Francis’ homily on the Feast of St. Ignatius (July 31, 2013)

The emblem of us Jesuits is a monogram, the acronym of “Jesus, the Saviour of Mankind” (IHS). Every one of you can tell me: we know that very well! But this crest continually reminds us of a reality that we must never forget: the centrality of Christ for each one of us and for the whole Company, the Company that Saint Ignatius wanted to name “of Jesus” to indicate the point of reference. Moreover, even at the beginning of the Spiritual Exercises he places our Lord Jesus Christ, our Creator and Saviour (Spiritual Exercises, 6) in front of us. And this leads all of us Jesuits, and the whole Company, to be “decentred,” to have “Christ more and more” before us, the “Deus semper maior” [“God always greater”], the “intimior intimo meo” [God is “more intimate than I am to myself”], that leads us continually outside ourselves, that brings us to a certain kenosis, a “going beyond our own loves, desires, and interests” (Spiritual Exercises, 189). Isn’t it obvious, the question for us? For all of us? “Is Christ the centre of my life? Do I really put Christ at the centre of my life?” Because there is always the temptation to want to put ourselves in the centre. And when a Jesuit puts himself and not Christ in the centre, he goes astray. In the first Reading, Moses forcefully calls upon the people to love the Lord, to walk in His ways, “because He is your life” (cf. Deut. 30, 16-20). Christ is our life! The centrality of Christ corresponds also to the centrality of the Church: they are two flames that cannot be separated: I cannot follow Christ except in and with the Church. And even in this case we Jesuits and the whole Company, are not at the centre, we are, so to speak, “displaced”, we are at the service of Christ and of the Church, the Bride of Christ our Lord, who is our Holy Mother Hierarchical Church (cf. Spiritual Exercises, 353). To be men routed and grounded in the Church: that is what Jesus desires of us. There cannot be parallel or isolated paths for us. Yes, paths of searching, creative paths, yes, this is important: to go to the peripheries, so many peripheries. This takes creativity, but always in community, in the Church, with this membership that give us the courage to go forward. To serve Christ is to love this concrete Church, and to serve her with generosity and with the spirit of obedience.

2. Prayer of St. Francis: Canticle of the Sun

Most High, all-powerful, good Lord, Yours are the praises, the glory, the honor, and all blessing. To You alone, Most High, do they belong, and no man is worthy to mention Your name. Praised be You, my Lord, with all your creatures, especially Sir Brother Sun, Who brings the day and through whom You give us light. And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendor; and bears a likeness of You, Most High One. Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars, in heaven You formed them clear and precious and beautiful. Praised be You, my Lord, through Brother Wind, and through the air, cloudy and serene, and every kind of weather through which You give sustenance to Your creatures. Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Water, which is very useful and humble and precious and chaste. Praised be You, my Lord, through Brother Fire, through whom You light the night and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong. Praised be You, my Lord, through our Sister Mother Earth, who sustains and governs us, and who produces varied fruits with colored flowers and herbs. Praised be You, my Lord, through those who give pardon for love of You and bear infirmity and tribulation. Blessed are those who endure in peace for by You, Most High, they shall be crowned. Praised be You, my Lord, through our Sister Bodily Death, from whom no living man can escape. Woe to those who die in mortal sin! Blessed are those whom death will find in Your most holy will, for the second death shall do them no harm. Praise and bless my Lord and give Him thanks and serve Him with great humility.

3. St. John of the Cross: The Sayings of Light and Love, 27

Mine are the heavens and mine is the earth. Mine are the nations, the just are mine, and mine the sinners. The angels are mine, and the Mother of God, and all things are mine; and God himself is mine and for me, because Christ is mine and all for me. What do you ask, then, and seek, my soul? Yours is all of this, and all is for you. Do not engage yourself in something less or pay heed to the crumbs that fall from your Father’s table. Go forth and exult in your Glory! Hide yourself in it and rejoice and you will obtain the supplications of your heart.

When Bad Things Happen, Are You Prepared?

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Summary

Life marches on, but what if the proverbial “getting hit by a bus” actually happens? Is your family prepared if the worst case scenario would occur to you, or your wife? Or even worse, if you BOTH get “hit by the bus”?

Objective

We read about tragedies every day, but we don’t think about those things happening to us. Life doesn’t always turn out like you plan. Lots of things we take for granted all of a sudden need special attention. If life suddenly takes an unforeseen turn, are the most important things in your life going to be taken care of like you want? Who will pay the bills? Will my family be able to survive in a way I would want? What happens to my assets? If I am disabled, who will make health care decisions for me? Who will take care of my children???

Bible Readings

1. 2 Kings 20:1

In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came to him, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Set thine house in order; for thou shalt die, and not live.

2. Isaiah 57:1-2

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.

3. 1 Peter 5:2-3

Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.

4. 1 Timothy 6:17-19

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1007

Death is the end of earthly life. Our lives are measured by time, in the course of which we change, grow old and, as with all living beings on earth, death seems like the normal end of life. That aspect of death lends urgency to our lives: remembering our mortality helps us realize that we have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfillment:

2. Paragraph 1013

Death is the end of man’s earthly pilgrimage, of the time of grace and mercy which God offers him so as to work out his earthly life in keeping with the divine plan, and to decide his ultimate destiny. When “the single course of our earthly life” is completed, we shall not return to other earthly lives: “It is appointed for men to die once.” There is no “reincarnation” after death.

3. Paragraph 1014

The Church encourages us to prepare ourselves for the hour of our death. In the ancient litany of the saints, for instance, she has us pray: “From a sudden and unforeseen death, deliver us, O Lord”; to ask the Mother of God to intercede for us “at the hour of our death” in the Hail Mary; and to entrust ourselves to St. Joseph, the patron of a happy death.

Every action of yours, every thought, should be those of one who expects to die before the day is out. Death would have no great terrors for you if you had a quiet conscience. . . . Then why not keep clear of sin instead of running away from death? If you aren’t fit to face death today, it’s very unlikely you will be tomorrow. . .

Small Group Questions

1. Have you done any “end of life” planning? If so, what has been helpful to you?

2. Do you have a system for your key documents?

Recommended Resources

1. http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson21/index.htm

2. http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/12-simple-steps-estate-plan-29472.html

3. http://www.bankrate.com/finance/retirement/estate-planning-checklist-young-folks-1.aspx

4. http://getyourshittogether.org/

5. http://www.estateplanning.com/

Accountability

1. Talk with your wife about starting/updating your plans

2. Begin taking inventory of your key documents. Make a plan to have them available in case of emergency.

Author(s)

Steve Frazer

Included Resources

1. If tragedy strikes, are you financially prepared?
https://www.manilla.com/blog/if-tragedy-strikes-are-you-financially-prepared/

By Kimberly Rotter

The time for financial preparedness is now

If you were to lose your husband tomorrow, would you know how many credit cards he has in his wallet, and the telephone numbers to close the accounts? If your wife were to die next week, would you know where and how to log on and pay all of your bills? Could you do something as simple as access your loved one’s email or Facebook account to notify friends of the death?

None of us likes to think about the untimely death of someone we love, especially before we’re “old enough” to start thinking about dying. But it’s important to think about the necessary financial actions to take in the tragic event that something happens to your spouse or partner.

It could happen to any of us

Recent articles in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal illustrate the myriad of harsh realities a surviving spouse can encounter in the absence of careful planning.

One woman lost her husband to a heart attack at age 57. She found herself locked out of various online banking and bill paying accounts.

One man, whose wife paid all the bills prior to losing her battle to cancer, found out the hard way that removing his wife’s name from their bank account effectively closed the account and wiped out any bill-pay settings she had put into place.

Another woman, who lost her husband in a tragic bicycle accident, was faced with a sudden loss of income, lack of knowledge of the details and numbers of accounts her husband managed himself and no properly executed will.

Countless other survivors can testify to the difficulties and costs involved in transferring ownership of real estate, stocks, bonds and other assets – difficulties and costs that could have been avoided by taking simple steps before tragedy struck. And keep in mind that survivors face these challenges and costs while in the grip of overwhelming grief over the loss of their partners. This all comes at the worst possible time for life to burden you with such a heavy load.

What you can do now:

We all hope tragedy never strikes too near. But we will all die, and few of us have the luxury of knowing when we’ll go.

If you’re like most people, you don’t have a will. Approximately 57 percent of American adults don’t have one, according to a 2011 survey from market research group Harris Interactive. And if you’re in the dark about what bills get paid and when, you’re not alone. You don’t have to suddenly become the household bookkeeper if that’s not a role that you already fill. But you and your partner are well advised to set aside some time, in small chunks if necessary, to gather certain paperwork and information.

Add your spouse’s name to assets, including real estate, stocks, bonds and bank accounts

Across the board, financial advisers and surviving spouses advise that you put both names on all assets. The more you keep things separate in life, the more it will cost you after death – in probate costs or inheritance taxes, for example, as well as in time and effort.

Real estate that one person owns can easily be put into both names by filing a quitclaim deed (specifying joint tenancy with right of survivorship). This quick task is usually handled at the county real estate records office. You do not have to add your spouse’s name to the mortgage in order to add it to the deed.

List all online accounts and their passwords

Passwords are tricky. Security experts advise against using the same password on all sites, but multiple passwords of your own are hard enough to keep track of without adding another person’s passwords to the mix. Experts also advise against writing passwords down. But you need to devise a system for sharing this information, and you should update it at least twice a year. Find a safe place to store your list. Make a handwritten list and keep the paper in a safe. Or use an online file storage site that encrypts data. Try DropBox with Boxcryptor or SecureSafe (both options are free).

Take care of paperwork

If you have any assets, you need to have a will. You should also write a living will, expressing your desires with regard to life-sustaining measures in the event you are unable to communicate with doctors.

A Power of Attorney is a simple but critical document that designates your representative under a variety of conditions. It can be as broad or limited as you desire. Use one to give one person access to your bank accounts, and another to designate a guardian for your children (this can also be stipulated in your will).

Consider life insurance

Most of us dutifully make mortgage and car loan payments each month. Many of us continue to pay off student loan debt for ourselves or our children. Still others carry revolving credit card debt. Think about how much money it would take to pay everything off at once, and price out life insurance for at least that amount plus six months’ living expenses and extra money to cover costs related to the death (plot, casket, preparation for viewing, cremation, professional service fee, reception, etc.). In some cases, more coverage comes with lower premiums, due to policy popularity among purchasers.

Consider disability insurance

Long-term and short-term disability insurance can replace lost income when a family member survives an event or illness but cannot work (or cannot work as much).

Where to start

Plenty of information is out there to help you. In fact, one widow dedicated her hard-won experiences to creating a website that helps others avoid the financial nightmare she lived. Chanel Reynolds, the woman who lost her husband far too soon in a bicycle accident, created GetYourShitTogether.org, a website designed to help you get things in order. You’ll find sample documents, a checklist, and helpful links there.

You should consult an estate lawyer to help you craft and finalize your will, and a tax professional if you have significant assets. As Ms. Reynolds points out, if you can afford to take a family vacation this year, you can afford to get professional help on these simple but very important matters.

Now it’s up to you to get it together.

2. Guardianship for Your Children
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/guardianship-children-30227.html

Choose a personal guardian — someone to raise your children in the unlikely event you can’t.

If your children are young, you’ve probably thought about who would raise them if for some reason you or another parent couldn’t. It’s not an easy thing to consider, but with a simple arrangement of a guardian in your will, you can feel sure that, in the extremely unlikely event you can’t raise your kids, they will be well cared for.

Naming a Personal Guardian

You should name one personal guardian (and one alternate, in case your first choice can’t serve) for each of your children.

Legally, you may name more than one guardian, but it’s generally not a good idea because of the possibility that the coguardians will later disagree. On the other hand, if you prefer that two people care for your child — for example, a stable couple who would act as coparents — name both of them, so that they each have the legal power to make important decisions on behalf of your child.

Here are some factors to consider when choosing a personal guardian:

Is the prospective guardian old enough? (You must choose an adult — 18 years old in most states.)

Does the prospective guardian have a genuine concern for your children’s welfare?

Is the prospective guardian physically able to handle the job?

Does he or she have the time?

Does he or she have kids of an age close to that of your children?

Can you provide enough assets to raise the children? If not, can your prospective guardian afford to bring them up?

Does the prospective guardian share your moral beliefs?

Would your children have to move?

If you’re having a hard time choosing someone, take some time to talk with the person you’re considering. One or more of your candidates may not be willing or able to accept the responsibility, or their feelings about acting as guardian may help you decide.

Choosing Different Guardians for Different Children

Most people want their children to stay together; if you do, name the same personal guardian for all of your kids.

You can, however, name different personal guardians for different children. Some parents may do this if their children are not close in age or if they have strong attachments to different adults outside of the immediate family. For instance, one child may spend a lot of time with a grandparent while another child may be close to an aunt and uncle. Or, if you have children from different marriages, they may be close to different adults. In every situation, you want to choose the personal guardian you believe would be best able to care for each child.

Choosing a Different Person to Watch the Checkbook

Some parents name one person to be the children’s personal guardian and a different person to look after financial matters. Often this is because the person who would be the best surrogate parent would not be the best person to handle the money.

For example, you might feel that your brother-in-law would provide the most stable, loving home for your kids, but not have much faith in his abilities as a financial manager. Perhaps you have a close friend who cares about your kids and would be better at dealing with the economic aspects of bringing them up. Provided that your brother-in-law and your friend agree and you trust them to get along in the best interest of your children, you can name one as personal guardian and the other as custodian or trustee to manage your children’s inheritance. (See Nolo’s article Leaving an Inheritance for Children.)

If You and the Other Parent Can’t Agree

When you and your child’s other parent make your wills, you should name the same person as personal guardian. If you don’t agree on whom to name, there could be a court fight if both of you die while the child is still a minor. Faced with conflicting wishes, a judge would have to make a choice based on the evidence of what’s in the best interests of your child.

Writing a Letter of Explanation

Leaving a written explanation may be important if you think that a judge could have reason to question your choice for personal guardian.

Judges are required to act in the child’s best interests, so in your letter explain why your choice is best for your child. Here are some issues the judge will consider:

the child’s preference, to the extent it can be ascertained

who will provide the greatest stability and continuity of care

who will best meet the child’s needs

the relationships between the child and the adults being considered for guardian, and

the moral fitness and conduct of the proposed guardians.

If you are in the following situation, writing an explanatory letter may be a good idea:

If You Don’t Want the Other Parent to Raise Your Child

You may not trust your child’s other parent to care for your child if something happens to you. However, a judge will grant custody to a child’s surviving parent unless that parent has legally abandoned the child or is clearly unfit. In most cases, it is difficult to prove that a parent is unfit, unless he or she has serious problems such as chronic drug or alcohol abuse, mental illness, or a history of child abuse.

If you honestly believe the other parent is incapable of caring for your children properly, or simply won’t assume the responsibility, you should write a letter explaining why.

What Did My Dad Teach Me?

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Summary

We all have our own personal stories when it comes to words of wisdom we learned from our Dads. This topic will be a shared dialogue as we all contribute those stories that impacted our lives.

Objective

This will be an interactive topic for the group that allows each of us to give pause to reflect on those words of wisdom we garnered from our Fathers. How many of us are turning into our Fathers as we age?….more importantly how many of us are passing off those very same traits to our own children?…..& may not even realize it? Much of what we learn from our Fathers might not have come from a verbal exchange but rather is an inherited trait learned by osmosis such as a strong work ethic. Our objective will be to package the best advice to share among the Fathers that we can pass on to our children. For those of us whose Fathers are still living it’s never too late to seek out some Fatherly advice as we all know life is short…..embrace it!

Bible Readings

1. The Praise of the Father…. Matthew 11: 25-26

25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

2. Proverbs 13 :1,24

A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes.

Catechism Readings

1. 2221 The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.”29 The right and the duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable.30

Small Group Questions

1. Name one teaching example from today’s discussion you would like to pass on to your children this week.

2. Do you have a question you would still like to ask your Dad for today?

Recommended Resources

The Greatest Generation – By Tom Brokaw.

Author(s)

Bob Considine

Included Resources

Dealing with …
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/valuesandspirituality/a/teaching_values.htm

Help them learn to stay with hard things. We have a daughter that excels at the piano. She loves music and was excited about learning to play the piano, and we really didn’t even have to encourage her to practice much when she was learning. But when we saw that potential, we found a teacher who would really push her to achieve. There were certainly times she wanted to give up when she struggled with a particularly hard classical piece. But with our encouragement, she stuck with it and developed her playing to an entirely new level. I know that if we had just said, “Yes, honey, it is so hard. Maybe you could go back to the other teacher,” she would never have felt the joy of really excelling at something tough.

Celebrate right behavior. As fathers, we are often quick to correct and slow to praise our children. So, in teaching values, we should not only correct behavior not in alignment with our values, we must reward behavior that exemplifies fundamental values. So when your child is honest even when it is hard, tell them how proud you are of them. When he or she is courteous or respectful to you or others, let them know it. The old adage that “there is no substitute for a good compliment” is never truer than in child-raising.

Share your stories. Look for times to share your experiences in living your values. Sometimes, without naming names, I have shared stories from my workplace about people who made good or poor ethical decisions and the consequences of those choices. Children, particularly the older ones, appreciate seeing how values apply in the adult world. So share your own stories and those you experience from others and help them see the application of timeless values in life.

Helping children see the value of your values is a role every father should play. Your efforts at shaping the people they become will be worth it. And, as life develops for all of us, whatever our experience, later in life we often find ourselves coming back to the values we learned as children. So take the time to teach and exemplify the values you have chosen for your life and then by word and example, let your children know how to find happiness in life through the application of fundamental human values.

How Do You Make Your Spouse Feel Appreciated?

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Summary

Whether it has been one year or fifty since your wedding, what are you doing to let the awesome person you married know that you appreciate them? Routine is a good thing, but making your wife feel special is a GREAT thing and everyone likes to feel appreciated. Get your creative juices flowing and demonstrate to your wife how special she is!

Objective

A majority of the problems that occur in a marriage can be attributed to the fact that one or both partners feel unappreciated. Boredom with the relationship, jealousy, nagging and a general sense of discontent are marriage relationship problems that find their roots in a sense of not being appreciated. Your goal as a husband is to realize this, then take action. Improve your marriage relationship “by doing” and let your wife know she is appreciated by you.

Bible Readings

1. Ephesians 5:25-30

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

2. Colossians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1639

The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself. From their covenant arises “an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society.” The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love.”

Small Group Questions

1. What is something unique that you have done that made your spouse feel appreciated?

2. What are the root causes that may make your wife to feel unappreciated by you?

3. What will you do in the next week to show your wife she is appreciated by you?

Recommended Resources

1. 10 Ways to Love Your Spouse http://www.simplecatholicliving.com/reflections/10-ways-to-love-your-spouse

2. Do You Tell Your Wife That You Appreciate Her? http://respectedhusband.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/do-you-tell-your-wife-that-you-appreciate-her/

Accountability

1. Do one thing for your wife this week that she will be able to tell her friends about that you have never done before. Complement her in front of others!

2. Investigate and search fun things going on in town and recommend that the two of you need to make a plan to attend or participate.

3. Secretly do a chore around the house you have never done and see if anyone notices.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney

Included Resources

1. The 5 Step Secret to making your wife Feel Appreciated

Step 1 Understanding: Although you cannot make anyone 100% happy, you can do your part in making your wife feel special and appreciated. The wife (like the husband) has a unique and key role in the marital partnership. If she feels abandoned, neglected, or otherwise unappreciated it will be difficult for her to maintain that positive ambiance.

Step 2 Show Direct Appreciation: Women need the small things that may be easily overlooked. A phone call in the middle of the day for no reason; fresh flower arrangements; date night; unexpected tokens of affection, etc. Keep note of her interests and use them to personalize your surprises i.e. if she’s dieting do not get her chocolates.

Step 3 Acknowledgement: You may not understand her emotional needs but you definitely need to acknowledge them. Take the time to actively listen to her. Be the initiator of conversations. Be nonjudgmental with your opinions.

Step 4 Pick your Battles: Let the small things pass. Arguing or a domineering attitude will only fester and eventually poison the love you share. If it irritates you that she isn’t the best housekeeper, try to hire help or help clean up when you have time. Remember that you are not perfect either. Was it her laugh you fell in love with or her clean kitchen?

Step 5 Tell her you love her everyday. Tell others you love her. Hearing it and saying it will keep the love alive. Love is a chain reaction. The more love you give the more love you receive.

2. Other ideas to show direct Appreciation to your wife:

Acts of service.

Doing something special for your wife is an easy and free way to show your appreciation. A foot rub after a long day of work would be greatly appreciated. Use some scented lotion for a bit of aromatherapy as well. Clean the house! Coming home to a messy house can be very stressful. If you are home during the day on a weekend, keeping the house clean shows your appreciation for the hard work your wife does.

Making your spouse’s favorite meal or dessert on an ordinary day is a terrific way to make her feel special, especially if you don’t make it very often. Or make something new for dinner to try together; the same old things can get boring after a while.

Whatever your spouse’s job around the house is, give her a day off. Who wouldn’t feel special and enjoy not having to do a chore? Folding the laundry, doing the dishes for once and let your spouse enjoy a little well-deserved rest.

Offer a massage. Don’t do it because you want one in return. Don’t wait until your wife asks. Just offer one to show that you really enjoy the act of touching the person that you’re in a love with.

Treats and Surprises.

A simple and inexpensive way to surprise your wife with a treat is to pick up her favorite treats at the grocery store. Then you can sneak them into a her purse or computer bag for your wife to find and enjoy at work or out running errands. Or leave a treat on the pillow or nightstand, or in a coat pocket.

Leave your spouse alone to do a hobby, with no strings attached. She is probably tired of hearing you complain when she is watching TV while the laundry is not done. Let her have a night off to do her own thing, and don’t be looking over her shoulder. Or your wife might enjoy a night out

Show your appreciation.

If your spouse works hard at a job, thank her for working hard for you and your family. A simple thank you can mean a lot. Send an “I love you” text message, or leave a message on your spouse’s voicemail. If your spouse travels out of town on business, write love notes and hide them in the luggage. Put one in her purse, in reading materials, tucked in a shoe etc. You could even have the kids write notes, or draw pictures so your wife will know how much she will be missed by you and your family. Hiding love notes around the house works just as well.

Say thank you.

It turns out that it’s the little things that count. Mom and Dad probably taught you that you’re supposed to say thanks when someone does something nice for you but you may have picked up their bad habits of failing to say it to one another. Don’t take anything that your wife does for you for granted.

Create an appreciation scrapbook.

Take the time to sit down and put together a list of all of the things that you appreciate about your wife. Go through magazines and find images that go along with each item. Use these images to create pages for a scrapbook that depicts the things that you appreciate. Your wife will appreciate this gift for a long time.

Try to notice the small things.

The small haircut that she got on the way home from the store or the new seasoning that was used on a meal are all really small things but noticing them goes a long way towards making your wife feel like you’re actually paying attention and appreciating what you’ve got.

Do things that your wife likes.

When figuring out what you want to do over the weekend, consider trying things that you don’t love but you know your wife really enjoys. It won’t kill you to sit through a chick flick and it will make your wife feel appreciated.

The Husband does not feel appreciated by his wife.

In some cases, the husband may often wish that his wife would do things to show us that we are appreciated. Try to think in the reverse instead; make an effort to show your wife that you’re appreciative of the marriage. This will improve things drastically and probably produce the results that you as a husband are looking for.

Do we truly understand the Mass and what it truly signifies or are we mindlessly going through a ritual and calling ourselves “Catholics?”

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Summary

The Mass is called the “source and summit” of our Catholic Faith, yet most of us Catholics know very little as to what is really going on during the Mass…or even why.

Objective

The Catholic Mass is the most sacred act of worship a person can participate in upon earth. At the Last Supper, Jesus Christ, sat down with his chosen Apostles for what He knew would be their last meal together. At that supper, Jesus does something new, something never done before, which now continues until the end of time.

For some, the Mass may not be as exhilarating or heartfelt as it once was. Lifelong Catholics may have grown so used to the ritual that they aimlessly go through the motions and find that their minds often wander. Many are often seen gathering their jackets or leaving early before the last song has ended. By understanding what is happening in the Mass we can learn to appreciate this most sacred gift, this miracle from our Lord Jesus Christ. We can come to appreciate its beauty, its rhythm, even why many in history have faced death rather than be deprived of the opportunity to participate in the Mass. With a better understanding, we can more readily do as the Deacon or Priest commands at the end of Mass…”GO IN PEACE TO LOVE AND SERVE THE LORD.”

Bible Readings

1. 1 Cor. 11:23-26

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, ‘This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant of my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes”

2. Matthew 5:23–24

Assemble on the Lord’s day, and break bread and offer the Eucharist; but first make confession of your faults, so that your sacrifice may be a pure one. Anyone who has a difference with his fellow is not to take part with you until he has been reconciled, so as to avoid any profanation of your sacrifice.

3. Luke 22:19

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks he broke it and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me’.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1382

The Mass is at the same time, and inseparably, the sacrificial memorial in which the sacrifice of the cross is perpetuated and the sacred banquet of communion with the Lord’s body and blood. But the celebration of the Eucharistic sacrifice is wholly directed toward the intimate union of the faithful with Christ through communion. To receive communion is to receive Christ himself who has offered himself for us.

2. Paragraph 1378

Worship of the Eucharist.

In the liturgy of the Mass we express our faith in the real presence of Christ under the species of bread and wine by, among other ways, genuflecting or bowing deeply as a sign of adoration of the Lord. “The Catholic Church has always offered and still offers to the sacrament of the Eucharist the cult of adoration, not only during Mass, but also outside of it, reserving the consecrated hosts with the utmost care, exposing them to the solemn veneration of the faithful, and carrying them in procession.

3. Paragraph 1345

As early as the second century we have the witness of St. Justin Martyr for the basic lines of the order of the Eucharistic celebration. They have stayed the same until our own day for all the great liturgical families. St. Justin wrote to the pagan emperor Antoninus Pius (138-161) around the year 155, explaining what Christians did:

On the day we call the day of the sun, all who dwell in the city or country gather in the same place.

The memoirs of the apostles and the writings of the prophets are read, as much as time permits.

When the reader has finished, he who presides over those gathered admonishes and challenges them to imitate these beautiful things.

Then we all rise together and offer prayers* for ourselves . . .and for all others, wherever they may be, so that we may be found righteous by our life and actions, and faithful to the commandments, so as to obtain eternal salvation.

When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.

Then someone brings bread and a cup of water and wine mixed together to him who presides over the brethren.

He takes them and offers praise and glory to the Father of the universe, through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and for a considerable time he gives thanks (in Greek: eucharistian) that we have been judged worthy of these gifts.

When he has concluded the prayers and thanksgivings, all present give voice to an acclamation by saying: ‘Amen.’

When he who presides has given thanks and the people have responded, those whom we call deacons give to those present the “eucharisted” bread, wine and water and take them to those who are absent.

Small Group Questions

1. What parts of the Mass leave you a bit confused and Why? Any that make you uncomfortable?

2. What parts of the Mass do you wish you understood better?

3. How does even a small improvement in your understanding of the history and meaning of the Mass affect how you approach coming to Church? What can it do for your involvement during the Mass?

4. What are ways you can truly participate in the Mass moving forward? Why is this important?

5. What are some compelling ways in which you can explain even some of what is going on in the Mass to your children?

Recommended Resources

1. Explaining the Catholic Mass http://www.verdekc.org/explainingthemass.html

2. “The Lamb’s Supper” – book by Dr. Scott Haun

3. A Biblical Walk Through the Mass (Book): Understanding What We Say and Do In The Liturgy

– Dr. Edward Sri

4. Explaining the Mass http://www.salesians.org.uk/chap/eucharist03.doc

5. Youtube video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gwScU1RFJ4 (a nice explanation!)

Accountability

1. Pray to God for the desire to participate more fully in the Mass.

2. Pray to the Holy Spirit for the gifts of Wisdom, Understanding and Knowledge with regard to the Mass.

3. Read and article this week that discusses or explains simply one part of the Mass and make it a goal within the following week to have a casual conversation or even try to explain that one part to a family member.

Author

Graham Galloway

Included Resources

1. The Mass
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/the-catholic-worship-service-the-mass.html

The Catholic Worship Service: The Mass

The Mass, the formal, official worship service of Catholicism, is the most important and sacred act of worship in the Catholic Church. Going to Mass is the only way a Catholic can fulfill the Third Commandment to keep holy the Sabbath day and the only regular opportunity to receive the Holy Eucharist.

The Mass incorporates the Bible (Sacred Scripture), prayer, sacrifice, hymns, symbols, gestures, sacred food for the soul, and directions on how to live a Catholic life — all in one ceremony.

The first part of the Mass in the Western (Latin) Church is the Liturgy of the Word, and its main focus is on Bible readings as an integral part of daily and weekly worship. The second part is the Liturgy of the Eucharist, and its main focus is the holiest and most sacred part of the Mass — Holy Eucharist.

Eastern Rite Catholics call their Mass the Divine Liturgy, but it’s essentially the same. Eastern Catholics also use the two-fold division of Liturgy of the Catechumens and Liturgy of the Faithful, which coincide with the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The differences are merely from the fact that in the West, the Mass follows the tradition of the Roman liturgy, but in the East, it’s the liturgical tradition of Constantinople.

The Liturgy of the Word

The first part of the Mass is built around hearing the word of God. After the priest and his attendants process to the altar, the priest and congregation participate in the Penitential Rite, which is simply an acknowledgement that everyone is a sinner and has sinned to some degree during the week. This Confiteor is followed by the kyrie, which expresses public guilt and shame for any sins against God.

The Gloria, a prayer or hymn of adoration of God, is followed by a prayer that addresses all three persons of the Holy Trinity, and that usually sets the tone for the rest of the prayers and Bible readings at Mass. Every day has its own unique prayers and readings chosen by the Church, not the individual parish.

A qualified lector then reads the designated passages of the day. Following these readings, the congregation, which has been sitting, stands while the priest or deacon reads the holy Gospel, which contain the very words and deeds of Christ and require the respect shown by standing.

The congregation sits and listens to the homily, which is different than a sermon in that it’s an explanation and reflection on the Word of God read only by clergy. The priest or deacon connects the Scripture readings to the daily lives of the people, the teachings of the Church, or the particular celebration at hand.

On Sundays and holy days, the homily is followed by the Profession of Faith, or Creed, which succinctly sums up all the teachings of the Church. Then comes the Prayers of the Faithful, which are petitions are for the pope, the Church, the civil authorities, current concerns, and so on, to which the people respond with “Lord, hear our prayer” or “Hear us, O Lord.”

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

As the Liturgy of the Eucharist begins, everyone sits down and baskets are passed to collect monetary offerings. These are then brought to the altar along with a cruet of plain drinking water, a cruet of grape wine, and a container of unconsecrated hosts during the offertory.

The deacon or priest pours wine into the chalice and adds a few drops of water to symbolize the union of the divinity and humanity of Christ. The priest lifts the hosts above the altar as an offering to God, then does the same with the wine-filled chalice. The priest then ceremonially washes his hands as priests and rabbis did before ritual slaughters. It’s a reenactment of the real sacrifice of Jesus.

After the Sanctus (Latin for Holy) is prayed, or, more often sung, the congregation kneels for the first time for the holiest part of the Mass, the Consecration. Catholicism professes that when the priest consecrates the bread and wine, it becomes the body and blood of Christ in the miracle of transubstantiation. It still looks, feels, and tastes like bread and wine, but it’s not.

The ringing of bells at the Consecration signifies the holiest moment of the Mass, a symbol of reverent rejoicing. Often, bells are rung when the priest elevates the Host, and again, when he elevates the chalice.

After the congregation prays the Our Father, the priest or deacon may say “Let us offer each other a sign of peace,” and each parishioner gives those standing next to and near to her a simple handshake to show solidarity as one family of faith before the real and most intimate sign of unity — Holy Communion.

The Agnus Dei (Lamb of God), which asks God for mercy and peace, is said or sung, and then the people kneel in prayer before lining up to receive the Holy Eucharist.

The priest first consumes the consecrated Host and then drinks the consecrated wine from the chalice. Then Catholics who are in a state of grace approach the priest, deacon or extraordinary minister and are given a consecrated Host. Sometimes, they’re also offered a sip of the Precious Blood (the consecrated wine) from the cup. Before actually receiving Holy Communion, a Catholic makes some sign of reverence — a bow of the head, the sign of the cross, a genuflection, kneeling, and so on.

When presenting the consecrated Host, the priest, deacon or extraordinary minister says “the Body of Christ” to which the recipient replies “Amen,” signifying, “Yes, I do believe it is Jesus.” If the Precious Blood is offered, the communicant may go to the person holding it who says, “the Blood of Christ,” and she replies again, “Amen.” Then she takes the cup and drinks a few sips of the consecrated wine and hands the cup back.

After receiving Holy Communion, the faithful go back to their pews and pray silently for a few minutes before sitting down.

The Mass ends with the priest blessing the congregation and sending them forth to spread the Word of God and put it into practice.

Children: Respect & Discipline

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Summary

Excerpted from the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy “…the moral philosophy of Immanuel Kant (1785, 1788, 1797) … Indeed, most contemporary discussions of respect for persons explicitly claim to rely on, develop, or challenge some aspect of Kant’s ethics. Central to Kant’s ethical theory is the claim that all persons are owed respect just because they are persons, that is, free rational beings. To be a person is to have a status and worth that is unlike that of any other kind of being: it is to be an end in itself with dignity. And the only response that is appropriate to such a being is respect. Respect (that is, moral recognition respect) is the acknowledgment in attitude and conduct of the dignity of persons as ends in themselves. Respect for such beings is not only appropriate but also morally and unconditionally required: the status and worth of person is such that they must always be respected.”

Emmanuel Kant, the eighteenth century philosopher sounds quite Catholic in his views. Of course neither did he give, nor should we expect any modern day philosopher to, credit Jesus Christ who over 2000 years prior taught us of the dignity of and our responsibility to respect the human person. Why is it today that respect seems to be an endangered act or concept? The respect for and dignity of human life is no longer universally accepted but subject to personal whims, circumstances and opinion. Respect for the elderly is becoming a public debate issue. The Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist is respected and believed by only 30% of self-described Catholics. Police officers, the justice system, and authority in general is often disrespected in today’s society. And parents and grandparents many times are not given due respect, whether in a specific instance or more generally, by their children and/or grandchildren.

Objective

God gave each of us the unique gifts of free will and of reason. Thus we have the freedom to choose good or evil, right or wrong, and wise or unwise, and respect or dis-respect. Thus, disciplining our children is the process or act of “educating them in the right use of their reason and freedom” as said so elegantly in Catechism paragraph 2228. And so the question is, how do we educate and/or discipline our children first to respect and then to obey out of respect for our requests of them? And/or, if you already have some issue where your children/grandchildren do not appropriately respect you or your wife or another family member, what are some strategies to change or modify their understanding and their respect?

NOTE: In 2012/2013 the topic regarding Disciplining Your Children focused on methods of discipline used by men and their families in the Fathers Team. For 2013/2014 we re-use this topic and change the perspective from discipline methodologies to the perspective of discipline within the context of respect as discussed in the Catechism teachings that accompany this topic.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew 21; 28-32 – The Parable of the Two Sons.*

“What is your opinion? A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’ He said in reply, ‘I will not,’ but afterwards he changed his mind and went. The man came to the other son and gave the same order. He said in reply, ‘Yes, sir,’ but did not go. ‘Which of the two did his father’s will?” They answered, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you. ‘When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him.’

2. Hebrews 12 7-11

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

2. Paragraph 2215

Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”

3. Paragraph 2216

Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. . . . When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.” “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.”

4. Paragraph 2228

Parents’ respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.

Small Group Questions

1. Is there anything you can take home and use for child discipline in your family?

2. Have we strayed too far from common sense discipline to the new age – ‘let the child express themselves’ approach? Are we letting kids grow up without realistic boundaries?

3. How do you and your wife do in agreeing (ahead of time) on discipline approaches for the kids?

4. How does discipline change from toddler – to adolescent – to teenager?

5. Is positive discipline a possibility with a large family? Is it unrealistic?

Recommended Resources

All resources were found by internet searching and are not necessarily Catholic sources and/or may not necessarily conform to Catholic teachings.

1. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/respect/

2. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201001/parenting-respect-starts-home

3. http://parenting.org/article/respect-0

4. http://www.catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=479&grupo=Life++Family&canal=Family

5. http://daniellesteel.net/blog/2011/01/a-big-subject-mutual-respect-between-parents-and-adult-kids/

Accountability

1. Consider discussing an aspect of your relationship with your children where there has been in the past or where there is currently an issue with their respect toward you, your wife or toward another family member. What did you do about it and what was the outcome?

2. What will you and your wife do differently in the future to better transmit the importance of respect from your children or grandchildren?

Author(s)

Reid Rooney, updated 8/16/2013 by Andrew Schmitt

You & Your Wife – Differences in Spiritual Lives

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Summary

You and your wife invariably have different views on all sorts of things. What if one of these differences is how you practice your faith? Perhaps one of you is Catholic and one is not. Perhaps one of you is very active and engaged with your faith, and the other is not as much. You still have to make it work as a couple. If you have children, you have to make it work for them too. How do you handle this potentially sensitive topic?

Objective

Spiritual intimacy in marriage is about more than just spending time in God’s Word. It’s about learning how to connect with your spouse through your faith. Often times, couples say that they “can’t connect with their spouse” because they’re not in the same place spiritually. But, there are small things you can do as a couple to become more like-minded in your spiritual walk. Whether you and your wife are of different religions, or just varying “degrees” of Catholic, explore ways to more effectively relate to your wife regarding your faith(s).

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthian 7:12-14,16

12 To the rest I say: if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she is willing to go on living with him, he should not divorce her; 13 and if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to go on living with her, she should not divorce her husband. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband; or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

2. 2 Peter 1:5-11

5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, 6 knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, 7 devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love. 8 If these are yours and increase in abundance, they will keep you from being idle or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 Anyone who lacks them is blind and shortsighted, forgetful of the cleansing of his past sins. 10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more eager to make your call and election firm, for, in doing so, you will never stumble. 11 For, in this way, entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ will be richly provided for you.

3. Luke 17:5-6

5 And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” 6 The Lord replied, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you would say to [this] mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

4. Romans 1:14-17

14 To Greeks and non-Greeks alike, to the wise and the ignorant, I am under obligation; 15 that is why I am eager to preach the gospel also to you in Rome. 16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel. It is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: for Jew first, and then Greek. 17 For in it is revealed the righteousness of God from faith to faith; as it is written, “The one who is righteous by faith will live.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1634

Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

2. Paragraph 1644

The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: “so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They “are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.” This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.

3. Paragraph 818-819

818 “However, one cannot charge with the sin of the separation those who at present are born into these communities [that resulted from such separation] and in them are brought up in the faith of Christ, and the Catholic Church accepts them with respect and affection as brothers . . . . All who have been justified by faith in Baptism are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers in the Lord by the children of the Catholic Church.”

819 “Furthermore, many elements of sanctification and of truth” are found outside the visible confines of the Catholic Church: “the written Word of God; the life of grace; faith, hope, and charity, with the other interior gifts of the Holy Spirit, as well as visible elements.” Christ’s Spirit uses these Churches and ecclesial communities as means of salvation, whose power derives from the fullness of grace and truth that Christ has entrusted to the Catholic Church. All these blessings come from Christ and lead to him, and are in themselves calls to “Catholic unity.”

Small Group Questions

1. In what ways is your own faith journey a solitary experience? A communal experience?

2. Do you and your wife have different levels of commitment to your faith? If so, how have you handled this? How have you handled your children’s faith formation?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/strengthening_your_marriage/spiritual_intimacy/blending_two_spiritual_lives.aspx

2. http://www.sandiego.edu/interchurch/religiousdifferences/religiousdiffedu.htm

3. http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/what-does-the-church-say-about-mixed-faith-marriage

4. http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=146

Accountability

1. If your wife and you are not “on the same page”, set aside some time to discuss this topic. The following are sample questions:

a. How important to each of us is our own religious faith?

b. How involved in religion do we want our child to be?

c. How involved does each of us want to be in our child’s religious formation?

2. Related to the above, write down a list of the five most important religious or spiritual beliefs that you have in common with your wife. After each of you have composed your lists, share them with one another. How are the lists similar or different? Are there any surprises? If so, why?

Author(s)

Steve Frazer

Included Resources

1. FAITH AND MARRIAGE — WHEN SPOUSES HAVE DIFFERENT BELIEFS
BY: DONNA ERICKSON COUCH, M.A.
http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/EDC/preview.aspx?id=231

After the romantic dust of my marriage settled, the fundamental questions of life surfaced dramatically when my closest friend was killed in a car accident. As I grappled with grief, my husband, Dana, comforted me as best he could. When I talked, however, about my need for God and church (I had drifted away from my Catholic faith), he was silent. Eventually he told me that, while he didn’t mind if I wanted religion again, he would not participate.

About 10 years into our marriage, I not only forged my way back to my faith alone, but also embarked on a spiritual quest that changed my life. Through years of confusion and struggle, I prayed and suffered in silence as I tried to reconcile my simultaneous love for God and for my nonparticipant husband. I worried about my role in Dana’s salvation and agonized over how to raise our children in the faith by myself.

Nagging questions plagued me: Why had this happened? Would God come between us? Was there anyone else like me in the community? Many years passed until, with the help of my studies in faith development, interpersonal communication and mysticism, I finally made peace with the uncertainties. These rather different topics resonated with me at an opportune time, and I received four transformative insights:

1. After a few years married, it’s common to experience a spiritual awakening.

The richness of Catholicism often doesn’t resonate until long after the wedding day. Upon completion of Confirmation class or during college, many churchgoers drift away from their practice of the faith. When thoughts turn to marriage, faith is frequently downplayed or discarded by those with limited adolescent or childhood views of faith. We may allow the naïve presumption that “love is all you need” to prevail. Religious practice becomes low or sometimes not even on the priority list.

Later, perhaps after a child or two, it’s common to experience an awakening, a need for God and community again. Frequently, those who return are surprised to discover a treasury of meaning in their original faith. Along with the elation of this breakthrough, however, may linger thoughts about the negative effects this may have on significant relationships. Does God come between people?

2. Authentic spirituality isn’t divisive.

As my inner life grew and I couldn’t share it with Dana, I felt an increasing distance developing between us. When I tried to describe my feelings to a friend, he quoted me the words of Jesus, “I have not come to bring peace, but a sword….and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household” (Matthew 10:34-36).

Though discouraged, I nonetheless pressed on and, with the help of prayer and a spiritual director, found deeper meaning in this biblical passage. I learned that, even though the incompatible beliefs we hold about God can indeed feel insurmountable, time and maturity quell the fear. Like with marriage, when we commit to God for the long haul, it’s natural to experience times of tension.

Perseverance matters most when it comes to love and provides the backbone of authentic spirituality. This awareness led to yet another related insight: All expressions of love are expressions of divine love. As our capacity for God’s love increases, so does our ability to love others. Paradoxically, my deep love for God empowered me to love Dana on an even deeper level. In the end, the “sword” of God’s love actually keeps us together.

3. The inner journey is a solitary journey into God.

In another Scripture passage, Jesus says that there is no marriage in heaven (Mark 12:25). This was in response to the Pharisees when they questioned him about the eternal consequences of multiple marriages.

If we can imagine this concept as a blueprint for the spiritual journey, an important insight is revealed: While there are many companions on the outer journey, no one may walk the inner path with us. While we can try to describe our personal relationships with God, no one else—not even those to whom we are wed—may share those experiences completely.

God calls each of us into a type of “mystical marriage” which demands that we forsake all others. No one escapes the rigors of the solitary inner journey. Those of us who walk in faith without our spouses have the opportunity of learning this sooner and in a slightly different way.

4. All relationships are mirrors of the divine relationship.

Admittedly, we have a need to share what is deep inside and we long for someone to understand our zeal for God. Fortunately, an “inner landscape” reverberates throughout creation and is communicated through the many people we call friends and intimates. All of our relationships, not just with those who share our faith walk, teach us about God.

Can we see and hear the divine in everyone? Equipped with a bigger vision, we can welcome the challenges of living with those who, without words, can teach us about the subtleties and whispers of God’s presence. Meanwhile, spiritual directors and friends can help us process the complexities of relationship with God. Frequently, others serve this need better than the ones with whom we live.

If you find yourself in the middle of a spiritual awakening, while simultaneously married to someone not on the same page, you can take heart. The challenge of living an intentional, God-centered life provides an opportunity to experience what it means to fall in love again and again—with your spouse, your faith and the beloved Holy One.

When God means something different to your spouse, it’s not the end of the world but rather the starting point for a profound encounter with love’s sacred mysteries.

What advice do you have for an “unequally yoked” marriage?

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25920/~/what-advice-do-you-have-for-an-%22unequally-yoked%22-marriage%3F

Here are a few principles to keep in mind as you face the daily challenge of living with a mate who doesn’t share your deepest spiritual commitments:

1) Be patient. Try to remember that God loves your spouse even more than you do. He may be taking your partner on a spiritual journey that you know nothing about. He may choose to use you in the process, but He doesn’t need your help. So don’t play the role of the Holy Spirit. Stay in prayer and trust the Lord to do what He wants to do.

2) Don’t stand in the way. While perfection isn’t possible or even necessary, your behavior can attract or repel your spouse where spiritual things are concerned. You’re living out what you’re experiencing with God. Is it appealing? Is your relationship with Christ making you a more enjoyable person to live with – or just a more religious one?

3) Be authentic. You should not only share your faith with your spouse, but your concerns as well. In other words, don’t be afraid to reveal your personal weaknesses. It would be hypocritical to pretend that you’re not worried when you really are, or that you don’t have doubts when you really do. Your transparency can be especially healing if your mate has felt – accurately or not – that spirituality has become a competition in your marriage. The spouse who struggles with faith issues needs a “safe” and gentle partner to come home to. A holier-than-thou approach is sure to deepen the divide – not only between your partner and yourself, but also between your partner and God.

4) Stay balanced. There’s no doubt about the importance of faith. But it’s possible to lose a healthy perspective when you’re worried about your spouse’s spiritual welfare. You can’t be too devoted to Christ, but overspiritualization and hyper-religiosity will hurt your efforts as much as falling into the opposite error of apathy.

5) Examine the reasons. Take time to explore and understand the underlying reasons for your spouse’s skepticism. What was his religious experience as a child? Was his faith nurtured or hindered? Was his parents’ faith real and meaningful or a hypocritical chore? The Bible is clear: we’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know – or think we know – about our spouses. Only God can see the individual heart.

Battling Addictions – Does God want to help you?

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Summary

You’re making progress, you slip, you feel bad about slipping – so you fall farther. You start thinking, “What’s the use after what I’ve done?” You give up and you maybe even end up worse off than when you began. That’s not just a blueprint for dieting disaster. It’s a blueprint for spiritual disaster.

I call it the Cycle of Shame. It’s one of the devil’s favorite tools for pulling a follower of Jesus down and keeping them down. You could be trapped in that Cycle of Shame even now. Or you’ve been there and you don’t want to go back there. You may have fallen, but you can get up!

Satan succeeds in keeping you down with that “what’s the use?” lie when you make a big mistake. You focus on you instead of the One who died so you could be free. The Bible doesn’t say, “The righteous man never falls.” It says in Proverbs, “Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” (Proverbs 24:16 ). You don’t let one sin turn into a hundred sins. You get up right away and you pick up where you left off growing in Christ. You bring your sin and you bring your failure to Jesus.

Satan keeps pointing to your past because, well, it can’t be changed. Jesus keeps pointing to your future because it’s yet to be written. Yes, you went down, but you don’t have to stay down! Jesus stands ready this very minute to pick you up, dust you off, bandage your wounds, and help you start running for Him again; forgiven, restored, and stronger than you have ever been before.

http://www.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-hard-times/when-you-ve-fallen-and-you-can-t-get-up-5992

Objective:

Provide real life examples of how God can help you battle your addictions. How God can help you find a sense of being loved. We have the will, we do not have the power. God is the Power if we ask him.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew ,7, 7-11

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 9Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, 10 or a snake when he asks for a fish? 11 If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him

2. Psalm 142

With my own voice I cry to the LORD; with my own voice I beseech the LORD. 3 Before him I pour out my complaint, tell of my distress in front of him. 4 When my spirit is faint within me, you know my path. As I go along this path, they have hidden a trap for me. 5 I look to my right hand to see that there is no one willing to acknowledge me. My escape has perished; no one cares for me. 6 I cry out to you, LORD, I say, You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living. 7Listen to my cry for help, for I am brought very low. Rescue me from my pursuers, for they are too strong for me. 8Lead my soul from prison, that I may give thanks to your name. Then the righteous shall gather around me because you have been good to me.

Catechism Readings

1. 220-221

“God’s love is “everlasting”: “For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you.” Through Jeremiah, God declares to his people, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

But St. John goes even further when he affirms that “God is love”: God’s very being is love. By sending his only Son and the Spirit of Love in the fullness of time, God has revealed his innermost secret: God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange

Small Group Questions

1. Do you think that you need structure and discipline to start/continue your recovery? Why, or why not? What happens to children when they are not disciplined?

2. Do you get discouraged when you are no longer in control? How does the exercise of self-control give you staying power when you are in tough situations such as temptations or trials?

3. What can you do or have done to resist the influences of desires, bad traditions, and sin so you can become more responsible in your faith, serve and please God, strive for moral purity, and benefit others?

4. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the Lamb, the only effective and ultimate sacrifice for our sins. What does this mean to you? How can you reach out, grab His hand, and respond?

Recommended Resources

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201106/battling-addiction/blinded-biochemistry – Article that helps explain addictions. Summary quote comes from here.

http://www.discipleshiptools.org/apps/articles/default.asp?articleid=43689&columnid=4188

Accountability

Ask for help from God, a friend your wife, your priest. Ask for forgiveness for past transgressions and look forward. Small Group members are a good place to start, but you have to ask for help.

Dealing With Temptation and Lust

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Summary

Nobody will ever be perfect or attain sinlessness while still on this earth, yet it is still a goal for which we strive. The Bible makes a very strong statement regarding this in 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8, “God has called us to be holy, not to live impure lives. Anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human rules but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” If lust has not yet gripped your heart and mind, ready yourself through a life lived above reproach to combat the temptations of lust. If you currently struggle with lust, it is time to come clean before God and ask for His intervention in your life, so that holiness can be a mark of your life as well.

Lust is what occurs when our desire for intimacy becomes subordinate to physical desires. In essence, lust attempts to separate the physical from the spiritual — something that cannot be accomplished without spiritual ramifications. Lust creates an illusion of intimacy where there is none.

“The heart has become the battlefield between love and lust. The more lust dominates the heart, the less the heart experiences the nuptial meaning of the body…. The body remains an object of lust and, therefore as a “field of appropriation” of the other human being”

Pope John Paul II

Objective

Demonstrate how the Catholic Church and the Scriptures view the daily challenges of Temptation and Lust in hope of providing a clearer understanding of what faces us everyday as men, fathers and husbands. Shed light on how we can better arm ourselves for battle against these formidable opponents, not only with God’s help, but with help from our spiritual family as well.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 10:13

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.

2. Matthew 26:41

Stay awake, and pray not to be put to the test. The spirit is willing enough, but human nature is weak.

3. 1 Peter 2:11

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.

4. James 4:7

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

5. 1 Corinthians 7:2

But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

6. Luke 8:11-15

Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. And they by the way side are they that hear; then the devil cometh, and taketh the word out of their heart, lest believing they should be saved. Now they upon the rock, are they who when they hear, receive the word with joy: and these have no roots; for they believe for a while, and in time of temptation, they fall away. And that which fell among thorns, are they who have heard, and going their way, are choked with the cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and yield no fruit. But that on the good ground, are they who in a good and perfect heart, hearing the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit in patience.

7. James 1:12-16

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.  Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2339

Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.126 “Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.”127

2. Paragraph 2351

Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

3. Paragraph 2847

The Holy Spirit makes us discern between trials, which are necessary for the growth of the inner man,152 and temptation, which leads to sin and death.153 We must also discern between being tempted and consenting to temptation. Finally, discernment unmasks the lie of temptation, whose object appears to be good, a “delight to the eyes” and desirable,154 when in reality its fruit is death.

God does not want to impose the good, but wants free beings. . . . There is a certain usefulness to temptation. No one but God knows what our soul has received from him, not even we ourselves. But temptation reveals it in order to teach us to know ourselves, and in this way we discover our evil inclinations and are obliged to give thanks for the goods that temptation has revealed to us.155

4. Paragraph 2848

“Lead us not into temptation” implies a decision of the heart: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. . . . No one can serve two masters.”156 “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”157 In this assent to the Holy Spirit the Father gives us strength. “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, so that you may be able to endure it.”158

5. Paragraph 2340

Whoever wants to remain faithful to his baptismal promises and resist temptations will want to adopt the means for doing so: self-knowledge, practice of an ascesis adapted to the situations that confront him, obedience to God’s commandments, exercise of the moral virtues, and fidelity to prayer. “Indeed it is through chastity that we are gathered together and led back to the unity from which we were fragmented into multiplicity.”128

Small Group Questions

1. Do you struggle with the opposing viewpoints on temptation held by society and the Church/your faith?

2. What are some of the items or situations that cause you temptation?

3. Do you read books or magazines or watch movies or visit websites that you would not tell your wife about?

4. Have you ever overcome a battle against temptation/lust; if yes, how did you deal with it?

5. Do you have friends or activities that encourage or keep you in situations of temptation?

Accountability

1. Pray a Rosary and/or Chaplet of Divine Mercy for yourself and/or others battling temptation and lust.

2. Pray for strength and God’s assistance

3. Rid your home and computer of any pornographic material.

4. Identify those areas of your life, those environments and people that cause you temptation and eliminate them or escape them.

Recommended Resources

1. Prayers Against Temptation
http://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/prayers-against-temptation.html

2. The Lamb’s Supper” – book by Dr. Scott Haun

3. Overcoming Temptations
http://www.catholicbible101.com/overcomingtemptations.htm

4. Fighting the Good Fight: Resisting Temptation http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=5143

5. Prayers For Purity
http://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/prayers-for-purity.html

6. Temptation –by Archbishop, Cardinal Henry Edward Manning http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=7066

7. Lust Kills the Soul
http://catholicexchange.com/lust-kills-the-soul/

Author

Graham Galloway

Included Resources

1. LUST VS. LOVE
http://lifeteen.com/lust-vs-love/

By Aaron Hostetter | MARCH 28, 2012

“What color are my eyes?”

Guys, have you ever heard that before from a girl? It’s the carefully laid trap by a girl who knows when she is being looked at in a lustful way. Gentlemen, it can only get worse from there. Contrary to what we might think, there isn’t an answer that will equal a “get out of jail free” card like in Monopoly. Even if you manage to mumble through her correct eye color, chances are she is still feeling hurt from your eyes only looking at her body instead of appreciating her as a person. It’s not only guys who struggle with this sin. Both guys and girls think that something as simple as checking a person out just for their “hot bod” isn’t a big deal. It is a big deal though, and any person can tell you they can feel the difference from when someone looks at them with love or with lust. It’s degrading. You can look at the 9th commandment and think; “Coveting my neighbor’s wife” doesn’t exactly apply to me…. Let’s take a deeper look at it and see precisely why it does apply to you.

IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

In Matthew 5:28, Jesus says that, “Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

When Jesus said this, it was completely radical, because he revealed that lust (something that happens inside your heart) is a sin just as much as an external action. What we think with our minds and desire in our hearts is a big deal.

“For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. ‘The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness.” (Matthew 6:21-23)

At Mass on Sunday, we make a public confession and ask for forgiveness for not only our actions but for what goes on in the heart and mind:

“I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words”

LUST WOUNDS LOVE

When you lust after someone, either in physical actions or in thoughts, it wounds your ability to love and be loved. Lust is deliberately inflaming a sexual desire or temptation that naturally comes to you.

Pope John Paul II always said that loving is the opposite of using. Love requires sacrifice, responsibility and a total commitment to the other person. Jesus showed us the model referenced in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church.”

A quick look at any crucifix will remind us how Christ loved the Church: by laying down his life! So when you reduce someone to an object for pleasure, it excludes God’s plan for love. Bishop Fulton Sheen once said that lust turns love into poison. Lust turns something that is designed to be given away (love) and turns it into something that’s only about “me” and what “I” can get from the other person.

Don’t confuse every lustful thought as a mortal sin. There’s a difference between thoughts that are brought on by ourselves and entertained and ones that pop up and are dismissed. Pray for help in the moment for Jesus to cleanse your mind of the image or thought!

BLESSED ARE THE PURE OF HEART (MATTHEW 5:8)

Just as looking at someone lustfully damages love and tears someone down, looking at someone lovingly affirms their dignity and can build them up. We have to untrain our eyes and hearts from lust and back to love. Purity in the heart is what we should strive for. God can clean the gunk built up in us through lust of the eyes and give us a heavenly vision.

“If, by love and right living, you wash off the filth that has become stuck to your heart, the divine beauty will shine forth in you. Think of iron, which at one moment is dark and tarnished and the next, once the rust has been scraped off, shines and glistens brightly in the sun. It is the same with the inner core of man, which the Lord calls the heart. It has been in damp and foul places and is covered in patches of rust; but once the rust has been scraped off, it will recover itself and once more resemble its ‘original design’ . And whoever is pure in heart is blessed because, seeing his own purity, he sees the ‘original designer’ reflected in the image” ~St. Gregory of Nyssa

Ask God to help you if you struggle with this sin. Here are some do’s and don’ts for the ninth commandment.

HOW TO OBEY THE NINTH COMMANDMENT

Don’t

Lust after another person, either in your thoughts or your actions. This damages your ability to love and be loved.

Look twice. A girl I knew once said, “I know my dad looks at other women. But he never looks twice.” Be the witness when people around you are undressing a person with their eyes. It could change hearts even if they never tell you.

Give up. It can seem like trying to stop a waterfall by cupping your hands under it, but purity is possible in the world today. It’s worth fighting for, and God’s grace is enough for us to do it!

Do

Men, turn lust into a blessing. Praise God for His masterful artistry when you see a beautiful woman, don’t praise yourself and turn it into a disordered lustful reality. Use your bodies to glorify God in whatever you do (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Build up and affirm brothers and sisters in Christ for modesty in dress, speech, and actions. It’s a battle to be pure and we need to hear encouragement in our walk.

Filter what you feed your heart and mind when it comes to tv shows and movies. Know what causes you to sin and get rid of it from your life. “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:29).

Pray for your future spouse every day. Place your trust in God to prepare that person to be with you for the rest of your life/bring you to Heaven. Trust Him to prepare you, too!

Scripture to meditate on: Colossians 3:5, Matthew 5:8, Galatians 5:19-21, Matthew 15:19, 1 John 2:16, Ephesians 2:3, Galatians 5:16, Philipians 4:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:7

Catechism on the 9th Commandment: 2514-2527

2. Dealing With Temptation Talk
http://catholicyouthministry.com/dealing-with-temptation-talk/

Wisdom of the Saints:

“Sins that are easiest to amend bring the greatest punishment.” – St. John Chrysostom

“The devil tempts so that he may ruin, God tempts so that He may crown.” – St. Ambrose of Milan

“He did not say: you will not be troubled – you will not be tempted – you will not be distressed. But He said: You will not be overcome.” – St. Julian of Norwich

“No one sins by an act he cannot avoid.” – St. Augustine of Hippo

Relevant Points:

We must remember that God doesn’t set us up to fail and He doesn’t tempt us beyond our control (1 Cor 10:13).

We must change the way we view temptations – from burdens/trials to opportunities for growth/holiness.

Jesus was tempted, too. Go to Him. He knows what it’s like to be tempted.

God’s grace is enough (2 Cor. 12:9).

Temptations help us to understand ourselves and where our hearts truly are

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to identify those areas of your life, those environments and people, that cause you temptation and eliminate them or escape them. It’s not enough to overcome temptation if you repeatedly put yourself in its path.

The devil is not afraid of you, but he is petrified of Christ in you. Avail yourselves of the Sacraments and prayer and drench yourself in the life of Christ and His grace and the devil will flee from you (James 4:7).