Author Archives: Anthony Your

Accepting Children with Special Needs

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Fathers all react differently when they learn about a child with special needs. We, as protectors and providers, can learn about the tolerance, acceptance and greater love that happens every day in our community and, sometimes, in our own family.

Objective

From http://www.mrdad.com/qa/schoolage/special-needs.htm

Conservatively speaking, around 15 percent of preschool and school-age children in the US have one or more “chronic conditions.” These could be anything from asthma and autism to cancer and cerebral palsy.

That basically means that any given Friday morning, approximately 7 or more dads in attendance are included in this statistic. In other words, either our own family is affected; or we know one that is.

These families have extra layers of stress: mentally, physically, emotionally & financially. As fathers, we want to act as a pillar of strength for the rest of our family by fulfilling our duties as protector and provider.

Having a child with a chronic condition-whether it’s a physical or mental one-puts a lot of stress on the entire family. Fathers and mothers have very different ways of reacting to this stress. Mothers typically worry more about the emotional strain of caring for a child and how the child will do socially. Fathers are concerned with more practical things, such as how to talk about the issue with family and friends, how the child will function in school, whether he’ll eventually become self-sufficient. Many dads also experience a heightened sense of responsibility and protectiveness.
Although mothers are generally more involved in day-to-day caring of kids with chronic conditions, fathers are affected just as deeply by the emotional strain and often have an especially hard time coping. Part of the problem is a series of vicious circles:
Some of dads’ biggest worries have to do with finances: can they afford to pay for treatments, tutors, and special medical attention, is their insurance coverage adequate, and so on. To combat those worries, dads may spend more time at work. That makes them feel better because they’re easing their financial concerns. Plus, for many men, their jobs are a source of satisfaction, a place where they feel in control. But the more time they spend at work, the less available they are to spend with their children and the less they’re able to be involved in treatment plans and meetings with professionals. As a result, they don’t get information first-hand and feel out of the loop. It’s a tough merry-go-round to get off of.

Being around children with disabilities can be a great teaching moment for our children. Learning about tolerance and acceptance are natural topics. However, gratefulness and humility are easy to interject, as well.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 12:22, 23

Those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor

2. Matthew 19:13-14

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

3. Matthew 25:42-46

For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’ Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’

Small Group Questions

1. How has your family or a family you know faced a “chronic” condition with a child?

2. Do you feel like need help or could offer help?

3. Are you getting (or fighting for) all the resources your child needs?

Recommended Resources

1. www.fathersnetwork.org

Accountability

1. With respect to your children’s health and care, are you and your wife a team on the same mission?

2. Reach out to a family in need.

Author(s)

Anthony Your, Reid Rooney

Included Resources

  1. Teaching Your Child about Peers with Special Needs
    http://www.care.com/special-needs-teaching-your-child-about-peers-with-special-needs-p1017-q598.html

Disabilities cover a wide range. Some are obvious — such as a child with a physical disability who uses a wheelchair or a child with a visual impairment who uses a cane to navigate when walking. Other disabilities may be more “hidden” — for example, children who have learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorder.

Chances are that at some point your child will have a classmate with a disability. Just as you guided your very young child when he or she began to befriend others, you can encourage your child to learn about and be a friend to children who have disabilities.

Basic ideas to share with your child

· No two people are the same — some differences are just more noticeable.

· A disability is only one characteristic of a person. People have many facets: likes and dislikes, strengths and challenges.

· Children with disabilities are like all children in that they want friends, respect and to be included.

· Children can be born disabled or become disabled from an accident or illness. You can’t “catch” a disability from someone else.

· Just because someone has a physical disability (when a part or parts of the body do not work well) does not mean they necessarily have a cognitive (or thinking) disability.

· Children with disabilities can do many of the things your child does, but it might take them longer. They may need assistance or adaptive equipment to help them.

Try to use clear, respectful language when talking about someone with disabilities. For a younger child, keep explanations simple, such as, “She uses a wheelchair because a part of her body does not work as well as it could.”

Reinforce with your child that name calling — even if meant as a joke — is always unacceptable as it hurts people’s feelings.

  1. CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
    http://www.mrdad.com/qa/schoolage/special-needs.htm (continued from “Objective”)

Not surprisingly, conflict, tension, and even divorce are more common in families with a disabled child. But fortunately, there are some ways of reducing the strain.

· Join a support group. Researchers have found that men who get involved with other fathers who are facing the same issues (in a guy-only environment) feel less sadness, fatigue, pessimism, guilt, and stress, and have more feelings of satisfaction and success, fewer problems, and better decision-making abilities than dads who don’t join groups. These benefits will rub off on your relationship with your partner as well.

· Explore every possible resource for help. If your friends are able to step in, that’ll help. But also check with your local school district to see what kinds of resources they have. In addition, About.com (specialchildren.about.com) has a good collection of resources, and Exceptional Parent magazine (eparent.com) provides info, support, and resources for parents and families of children with disabilities. Also, be sure to check out The Fathers Network (fathersnetwork.org), a site specifically devoted to helping fathers of children with disabilities.

· Play and communicate with your child. Researchers at the University of Florida did a study where they taught dads to use everyday activities like building blocks, puppets, cars and trucks, and bubbles to connect with their autistic children. But there was a twist. The fathers were instructed to follow the child’s lead, wait for the child’s response before continuing, and not give into the temptation to direct the play. The results were wonderful. “Fathers were more likely to initiate play in an animated way and responded more to their children during playtime,” said Jennifer Elder, the lead researcher. “Children also became more vocal and were more than twice as likely to initiate play with their fathers. With the proper training at an early age, we feel that these techniques can help autistic children be more socially interactive and pick up language more easily.”

One particularly interesting result that the researchers hadn’t expected was that a lot of the fathers trained the mothers and siblings to do the same thing. Elder and her colleagues had done similar studies training mothers and have very much the same successes. The only difference was that mothers weren’t as likely to teach the dads what they’d learned.

  1. Fathering Special Needs Children
    http://fatherwork.byu.edu/specialNeeds.htm

FatherWork with special-needs children should and can be as wonderful and varied as special-needs kids themselves are. Fathers of special-needs children are ordinary men doing both ordinary and extraordinary things since parents of special-needs kids do the same things other parents do but usually have added burdens (and, often, added joys). Fatherwork with special-needs kids can be like the Special Olympics. Fathers can coach children to develop skills and confidence, provide opportunities for accomplishment, give encouragement and supportive cheering along the way, and present them with rewards for effort and accomplishment.

Every special-needs child deserves a father that runs and jumps with her through the challenges of life, one that enthusiastically hugs him at the end of each little success, one that hangs medals on his neck with pride and love in his eyes, and one that, through his constant encouragement and love, places a continual stream of flowers in her hands. Your child (and all special-needs children) needs the coaching, cheering, encouraging, and assisting that you uniquely can give.

Understanding and Living God’s Will

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Christ taught us that knowing God’s will and living in obedience to that will is the key to it all! God is the potter; we are the clay. God keeps us spinning on His potter’s wheel, shaping and reshaping us as He bathes our lives in tears to make us more Christ-like so He can use us for His will. Surrender daily. Keep your clay moist through daily prayer – prayer that’s in accordance to His will.

Objective:

Our job, our purpose is to understand and live in God’s will and not be selective when times get tough.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew 7:21

Not everyone who says to me “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

2. Matthew 12:50

For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother and sister and mother.

3. Romans 12:2

Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.

Catechism Readings

III. “THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN”

1. Paragraph 2822

Our Father “desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” He “is forbearing toward you, not wishing that any should perish.” His commandment is “that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” This commandment summarizes all the others and expresses his entire will.

2. Paragraph 2825

“Although he was a Son, [Jesus] learned obedience through what he suffered.” How much more reason have we sinful creatures to learn obedience – we who in him have become children of adoption. We ask our Father to unite our will to his Son’s, in order to fulfill his will, his plan of salvation for the life of the world. We are radically incapable of this, but united with Jesus and with the power of his Holy Spirit, we can surrender our will to him and decide to choose what his Son has always chosen: to do what is pleasing to the Father.

In committing ourselves to [Christ], we can become one spirit with him, and thereby accomplish his will, in such wise that it will be perfect on earth as it is in heaven.

Consider how Jesus Christ] teaches us to be humble, by making us see that our virtue does not depend on our work alone but on grace from on high. He commands each of the faithful who prays to do so universally, for the whole world. For he did not say “thy will be done in me or in us,” but “on earth,” the whole earth, so that error may be banished from it, truth take root in it, all vice be destroyed on it, virtue flourish on it, and earth no longer differ from heaven.

3. Paragraph 2826

By prayer we can discern “what is the will of God” and obtain the endurance to do it. Jesus teaches us that one enters the kingdom of heaven not by speaking words, but by doing “the will of my Father in heaven.”

4. Paragraph 2827

“If anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.” Such is the power of the Church’s prayer in the name of her Lord, above all in the Eucharist. Her prayer is also a communion of intercession with the all-holy Mother of God and all the saints who have been pleasing to the Lord because they willed his will alone:

It would not be inconsistent with the truth to understand the words, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” to mean: “in the Church as in our Lord Jesus Christ himself”; or “in the Bride who has been betrothed, just as in the Bridegroom who has accomplished the will of the Father.”

Small Group Questions

1. Think about a situation you have been in lately where you did not live God’s will. Discuss that situation and what caused you to make the choice you made.

2. What action can you take the next time so the outcome is different?

3. At this point in your life what level of commitment do you have to living God’s will and not your will? Discuss ways you can improve upon making the right choice.

Recommended Resources

1. Sermon 19b 2009: Living in God’s Will Day by Day
http://www.stdavidschurch.org/worshipmusic/files/file1/Sermon%20091309%20WFA.pdf

2. Book: Living Your Strengths: Discover Your God-Given Talents and Inspire Your Community (Catholic Edition) [Hardcover] by Albert L. Winseman

3. Book: Finding God’s Will for You [Paperback] by St. Francis de Sales (Author)

Accountability

1. This week would be a good time to start thinking of various ways we can let go of some of our selfish ways as we strive to live closer to God’s will for our life.

2. Offer some thoughts to the small group or simply contemplate in your mind and heart how you can improve and become a better version of yourself.

3. Consider an action you will take this week to better understand God’s will and commit to it. Report to the small group your observations and progress during the next meeting.

Author(s)

Graham Galloway (Previous Author: Steve Green)

Included Resources

A Living Sacrifice to God

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual* act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:1-2

LETTER: “The less self-willed we are, the easier it will be to us to follow God’s will.” By St. Francis de Sales

We must recollect that there is no vocation without its wearinesses, its bitternesses, and its trials; and moreover (except in the case of those who are wholly resigned to the will of God,) each one would willingly change his condition with that of others. Those who are Ministers, would fain be otherwise. They who are married, would they were not. They who are not, would they were. From whence proceeds this general discontentedness, if it be not a certain rebellion against constraint, and an evil spirit in us that makes each one think another’s condition better than his own?

But it is all one; and whosoever is not entirely resigned, but keeps on turning this way and that, never will find peace. When a person has a fever, he finds no place comfortable; he has not remained in one bed a quarter of an hour, before he wishes to be in another. It is not the bed which is in fault, but the fever, which torments him everywhere. And so a person who has not the fever of self-will, is contented everywhere and in all things, provided God be glorified. He cares not in what capacity God employs him, provided he can do therein His Divine will.

But this is not all. We must not only do the will of God, but to be really devout, we must do it cheerfully, nay, joyfully. If I were not a Bishop, perhaps, knowing what I now do, I might wish not to be one. But being one, not only am I obliged to do all that this difficult vocation requires, but I must do it joyfully, and make it agreeable to myself to do it. This is what St. Paul means when he says, “Let every man in the vocation in which he is called, therein abide with God.”1

We cannot bear the crosses of others, but each one must bear his own; and that we may each bear our own, our Lord would that each should renounce himself; that is to say, his own will. “I wish this or that” I should be better here or there.” These are temptations. Our Lord knows best what is best for each one of us; let us do what He wills, and remain where He has placed us.

But you have asked me to give you a few practical rules for your guidance. Besides all I have told you above, you should, First, meditate every day, either in the morning or before dinner or supper, and especially on the Life and Death of our Lord, and you can make use of any book that may assist you. Your meditation should never last above half-an-hour; at the end of each always add a consideration of the obedience which our Lord exercised towards God His Father: for you will see that all He did was done in obedience to the will of God; and considering this will rouse you more earnestly to strive to learn His will yourself. Secondly, before you do or prepare to do any of those duties of your calling which are apt to irritate you, think of the saints of old, who joyfully endured great and grievous things,—some suffering martyrdom, some dishonor in this world; some binding up ulcers and fearful sores; some banishing themselves into the desert; some working among slaves in the galleys: and each and all to do something pleasing in the sight of God. And what are we called upon to do, approaching to such trials as these?

Thirdly, Often think that the real value of whatever we do, is proportioned by the conformity with which we do it to the will of God. If in merely eating or drinking I do it because it is the will of God that I should, I am doing what is more agreeable to Him, than if I were to do what should even cost me my life, without any such Divine intention.

Fourthly, I would advise you often during the day, beseech God that He would inspire you with a real love of your vocation, and that you should say, like St. Paul, when he was converted, “Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?2 Wouldest Thou that I should serve Thee in the lowest office in Thy house? I will reckon myself here, too blest. Provided that I serve Thee, I care not in what capacity.” And coming more particularly to what is vexing you, say, “Wouldest Thou that I should do such-and-such a thing? Alas! O Lord, though I am not worthy, willingly will I do it:” and by these means you may greatly humble yourself; and oh, what a treasure you will obtain! Far, far greater, doubtless, than you can ever estimate!

Fifthly, I would wish that you should consider how many saints have been in your position of life and vocation, and how they all accommodated themselves to it with great meekness and resignation; as many in the Old Testament as in the New,—Sara, and Rebecca, and Elizabeth, and the holy Anna, and St. Paul, and hundreds of others; and let their example encourage you. We must love what God loves; and if He loves our vocation, let us love it also; and let us not amuse ourselves, by placing ourselves in the position of others. Let us diligently do our business. For each his own cross is not too much. Gently mingle the office of Martha with that of Mary, diligently doing the duties of your calling, often recollecting yourself, and placing yourself in spirit at the foot of the Cross, and saying, “My Lord, whether I run, or whether I stand still, or whatever I do, I am Thine, and Thou art mine. Thou art my first Love, my Spouse, and all that I do, it is for Thee, whatsoever it be.”

Further, every evening examine yourself, and throughout the day constantly raise ejaculatory prayers to God. I recommend, for your reading, the “Spiritual Combat.” Communicate, if possible, every week, and regularly attend the services of the Church on Sundays and Festivals. Remember also what I have often told you,—be just to yourself in the devoted life you are leading; I mean, let others, and especially those of your own family, see its blessed effects in yourself, and be led to honor it accordingly. We must always be careful not to make our devotion annoying to others. What we cannot do without annoyance, especially to those placed over us, we should leave undone: and believe me this spiritual self-denial and privation, so far from being displeasing to God, will be accepted by Him as such, and turn to your own profit. Deny yourself willingly; and in proportion as you are hindered from doing the good you desire, strive so much the more zealously to do what you do not desire. Perhaps it is difficult for you to resign yourself patiently and gladly to these privations, but in doing so, you will gain for yourself real benefit. In all commit your cares and trials, and contradictions, and whatever befalls you to God, comforting yourself in the thought, that He blesses those who are holy, or those who are striving to become so. Keep your heart ready to bear every sort of cross and disappointment with resignation, for the sake of Him Who has borne so much for us: and may He fill thy heart and be thy guide through life!

The Seven Gifts Holy Spirit

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

What are the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit? Do you have them? Have you asked for them? Are you prepared to receive them?

Objective

The Objective is become familiar with the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit and to be open and prepared to receive them.

“Only one thing is important — eternal salvation. Only one thing, therefore, is to be feared—sin.· Sin is the result of ignorance, weakness, and indifference. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Light, of Strength, and of Love. With His sevenfold gifts, He enlightens the mind, strengthens the will, and inflames the heart with love of God. To ensure our salvation we ought to invoke the Divine Spirit daily, for “The Spirit helpeth our infirmity. We know not what we should pray for as we ought. But the Spirit Himself asketh for us.” (From the Novena to the Holy Spirit)

After being enlightened or receiving the Gifts of the Holy Spirit that you asked for, you become an Apostle of the Holy Spirit by proceeding to carry out what you now presume you are to do. You will know you are doing His will because you will feel His presence in your heart and you will be filled with his rewards: love, joy, peace or any other of the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit. (From Listening to the Holy Spirit by George E. Schullhoff A.H.S.)

Bible Readings

1. Isaiah Chapter 11: 1-3

But a shoot shall sprout from the stump of Jesse, and from his roots a bud shall blossom. The spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him: a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, A spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the LORD, and his delight shall be the fear of the LORD.

2. John 14:15-17, 25-26

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth, which the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows it. But you know it, because it remains with you, and will be in you.

I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name–he will teach you everything and remind you of all that (I) told you.

3. 2 Timothy 1:3

For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control.

4. 1 Corinthians 6:19

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

5. Wisdom 1:4

Because into a soul that plots evil wisdom enters not, nor dwells she in a body under debt of sin.

6. Romans 8:9-14

But you are not in the flesh; on the contrary, you are in the spirit, if only the Spirit of God dwells in you. Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the spirit is alive because of righteousness. If the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also, through his Spirit that dwells in you. Consequently, brothers, we are not debtors to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1830

“The moral life of Christians is sustained by the gifts of the Holy Spirit. These are permanent dispositions which make man docile in following the promptings of the Holy Spirit.”

2. Paragraph 1831

“The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. They belong in their fullness to Christ, Son of David. They complete and perfect the virtues of those who receive them. They make the faithful docile in readily obeying divine inspirations.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you feel connected to the Holy Spirit?

2. Have you ever asked the Holy Spirit for his Seven Gifts?

3. Which of the Gifts do you feel that you have in abundance and which are you lacking?

4. Has the Holy Spirit ever inspired you to do anything? Explain.

Recommended Resources

1. Novena to the Holy Spirit for the Seven Gifts:

http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/pentecost/seven.htm

2. Book: “Be a Man”, by Father Larry Richards, Chapter 4 “Be a Man Who Lives in the Holy Spirit”

Accountability

1. Prepare yourself to receive the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, make a sincere and complete confession.

2. Pray to the Holy Spirit to receive his Seven Gifts.

3. Reflect on the Seven Gifts and ask God to help you use them in your life.

4. Take a different Gift each of the next seven days; focus on that Gift for that day and ask God for that Gift.

Author(s)

Michael Copfer

Included Resources:

  1. Presenting group may wish to incorporate the following prayer by St. Augustine into their pray:

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.

Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.

Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.

Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.

Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.

Amen

  1. Gifts of the Holy Spirit enable us to live a holy Christian life. The Gifts of the Holy Spirit are:

1. Wisdom:

· That I may despise the perishable things of this world and aspire only after the things that are eternal (Desire for the things of God, and to direct our whole life and all our actions to His honor and glory)

· It is the gift of Wisdom that strengthens our faith, fortifies hope, perfects charity, and promotes the practice of virtue in the highest degree

· Wisdom is the most perfect of the gifts; it enables you to know how to use all of His gifts in their proper proportions

2. Understanding (Light of Divine Truth):

· Enable us to know more clearly the mysteries of faith (truths of our holy religion); it is by Understanding that we learn to appreciate and relish them

· It enables us to penetrate the inner meaning of revealed truths and through them to be quickened to newness of life.

· Our faith ceases to be sterile and inactive, but inspires a mode of life that bears eloquent testimony to the faith that is in us; we begin to “walk worthy of God in all things pleasing, and increasing in the knowledge of God

3. Counsel (Right Judgement, Supernatural Common Sense):

· That I may ever choose the surest way of pleasing God and gaining heaven

· Endows the soul with supernatural prudence, enabling it to judge promptly and rightly what must done, especially in difficult circumstances; warning us of the deceits of the devil, and of the dangers to salvation

· Counsel applies the principles furnished by Knowledge and Understanding to the innumerable concrete cases that confront us in the course of our daily duty as parents, teachers, public servants, and Christian citizens. Counsel is supernatural common sense, a priceless treasure in the quest of salvation

· Enables you to know how to listen and to act upon His promptings and His inspiration

4. Fortitude (Courage):

· Strengthens us to do the will of God in all things; that we may bear our cross with Him and that we may overcome with courage all the obstacles that oppose our salvation

· Fortitude imparts to the will an impulse and energy which move it to under-take without hesitancy the most arduous tasks, to face dangers, to trample under foot human respect, and to endure without complaint the slow martyrdom of even lifelong tribulation

· Gives you strength to do what you must do

5. Knowledge:

· That I may know God and know myself and grow perfect in the science of the Saints

· Enables the soul to evaluate created things at their true worth–in their relation to God (It unmasks the pretense of creatures, reveals their emptiness, and points out their only true purpose as instruments in the service of God)

· It shows us the loving care of God even in adversity, and directs us to glorify Him in every circumstance of life (Guided by its light, we put first things first, and prize the friendship of God beyond all else)

· Enable us to discover the will of God in all things

· Enables you to see as God sees, to the extent that He wants you to see at a particular moment

6. Piety (Reverence):

· That I may find the service of God sweet and amiable (allows us to finds the practice of his religion, not a burdensome duty, but a delightful service – Where there is love, there is no labor)

· He who is filled with the gift of Piety Love God as a Father, and obey Him because we love Him

· Enables you to love being in the presence of God

· It inspires us to love and respect for His sake persons and things consecrated to Him, as well as those who are vested with His authority, His Blessed Mother and the Saints, the Church and its visible Head, our parents and superiors, our country and its rulers

7. Fear of the Lord (Wonder and Awe):

· That I may be filled with a loving reverence towards God and may dread in any way to displease Him

· Sovereign respect for God, and makes us dread nothing so much as to offend Him by sin

· It is a fear that arises, not from the thought of hell, but from sentiments of reverence and filial submission to our heavenly Father

· Enables you to love the Lord so much you fear not doing His will

  1. The Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit By Frank X. Blisard http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2006/0612uan.asp

It is difficult to name another Catholic doctrine of as hallowed antiquity as the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit that is subject to such benign neglect. Like most Catholics born around 1950, I learned their names by rote: “wis-dom, un-derstanding, coun-sel, fort-itude, know-ledge, pie-ety, and fear of the Lord!” Sadly, though, it was all my classmates and I ever learned, at least formally, about these mysterious powers that were to descend upon us at our confirmation. Once Confirmation Day had come and gone, we were chagrined to find that we had not become the all-wise, all-knowing, unconquerable milites Christi (soldiers of Christ) that our pre-Vatican II catechesis had promised.

The Problem

Ironically, post-Vatican II catechesis has proven even less capable of instilling in young Catholics a lively sense of what the seven gifts are all about. At least the previous approach had the advantage of conjuring up the lurid prospect of a martyr’s bloody death at the hands of godless atheists. But, alas, such militant pedagogy went out the window in the aftermath of the Council. But a stream of reports in recent decades on declining interest in the faith among new confirmandi suggests that the changes are not having their desired effect. Not that there were no bugs in the pre-Vatican II catechetical machine—there were plenty—but such superficial tinkering did not even begin to address them.
A recent article in Theological Studies by Rev. Charles E. Bouchard, O.P., president of the Aquinas Institute of Theology in St. Louis, Missouri (“Recovering the Gifts of the Holy Spirit in Moral Theology,” Sept. 2002), identifies some specific weaknesses in traditional Catholic catechesis on the seven gifts:

· Neglect of the close connection between the seven gifts and the cardinal and theological virtues (faith, hope, charity/love, prudence, justice, fortitude/courage, and temperance), which St. Thomas Aquinas himself had emphasized in his treatment of the subject

· A tendency to relegate the seven gifts to the esoteric realm of ascetical/mystical spirituality rather than the practical, down-to-earth realm of moral theology, which Aquinas had indicated was their proper sphere

· A form of spiritual elitism whereby the fuller study of the theology of the gifts was reserved to priests and religious, who alone, it was presumed—unlike the unlettered masses—had the requisite learning and spirituality to appreciate and assimilate it

· Neglect of the scriptural basis of the theology of the gifts, particularly Isaiah 11, where the gifts were originally identified and applied prophetically to Christ

The 1992 Catechism of the Catholic Church had already addressed some of these issues (such as the importance of the virtues and the relationship between the gifts and “the moral life”) but avoided defining the individual gifts or even treating them in any detail—a mere six paragraphs (1285–1287, 1830–1831, and 1845), as compared with forty on the virtues (1803–1829, 1832–1844). Perhaps that is why the catechetical textbooks that have appeared in the wake of the new Catechism present such a confusing array of definitions of the gifts. These definitions tend to be imprecise rehashings of the traditional Thomistic definitions or totally ad hoc definitions drawn from the author’s personal experience or imagination. In light of these developments, it is helpful to review the Church’s traditional explanation of the seven gifts.

The Traditional Explanation

The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are, according to Catholic Tradition, heroic character traits that Jesus Christ alone possesses in their plenitude but that he freely shares with the members of his mystical body (i.e., his Church). These traits are infused into every Christian as a permanent endowment at his baptism, nurtured by the practice of the seven virtues, and sealed in the sacrament of confirmation. They are also known as the sanctifying gifts of the Spirit, because they serve the purpose of rendering their recipients docile to the promptings of the Holy Spirit in their lives, helping them to grow in holiness and making them fit for heaven.
The nature of the seven gifts has been debated by theologians since the mid-second century, but the standard interpretation has been the one that St. Thomas Aquinas worked out in the thirteenth century in his Summa Theologiae:

· Wisdom is both the knowledge of and judgment about “divine things” and the ability to judge and direct human affairs according to divine truth (I/I.1.6; I/II.69.3; II/II.8.6; II/II.45.1–5).

· Understanding is penetrating insight into the very heart of things, especially those higher truths that are necessary for our eternal salvation—in effect, the ability to “see” God (I/I.12.5; I/II.69.2; II/II.8.1–3).

· Counsel allows a man to be directed by God in matters necessary for his salvation (II/II.52.1).

· Fortitude denotes a firmness of mind in doing good and in avoiding evil, particularly when it is difficult or dangerous to do so, and the confidence to overcome all obstacles, even deadly ones, by virtue of the assurance of everlasting life (I/II.61.3; II/II.123.2; II/II.139.1).

· Knowledge is the ability to judge correctly about matters of faith and right action, so as to never wander from the straight path of justice (II/II.9.3).

· Piety is, principally, revering God with filial affection, paying worship and duty to God, paying due duty to all men on account of their relationship to God, and honoring the saints and not contradicting Scripture. The Latin word pietas denotes the reverence that we give to our father and to our country; since God is the Father of all, the worship of God is also called piety (I/II.68.4; II/II.121.1).

· Fear of God is, in this context, “filial” or chaste fear whereby we revere God and avoid separating ourselves from him—as opposed to “servile” fear, whereby we fear punishment (I/II.67.4; II/II.19.9).

These gifts, according to Aquinas, are “habits,” “instincts,” or “dispositions” provided by God as supernatural helps to man in the process of his “perfection.” They enable man to transcend the limitations of human reason and human nature and participate in the very life of God, as Christ promised (John 14:23). Aquinas insisted that they are necessary for man’s salvation, which he cannot achieve on his own. They serve to “perfect” the four cardinal or moral virtues (prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance) and the three theological virtues (faith, hope, and charity). The virtue of charity is the key that unlocks the potential power of the seven gifts, which can (and will) lie dormant in the soul after baptism unless so acted upon.
Because “grace builds upon nature” (ST I/I.2.3), the seven gifts work synergistically with the seven virtues and also with the twelve fruits of the Spirit and the eight beatitudes. The emergence of the gifts is fostered by the practice of the virtues, which in turn are perfected by the exercise of the gifts. The proper exercise of the gifts, in turn, produce the fruits of the Spirit in the life of the Christian: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, modesty, self-control, and chastity (Gal. 5:22–23). The goal of this cooperation among virtues, gifts, and fruits is the attainment of the eight-fold state of beatitude described by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:3–10).

The Spiritual Arsenal

Rather than perpetuating either a strictly Thomistic approach or an approach based on contemporary, culturally conditioned definitions, I propose a third way of understanding the seven gifts, one that goes back the biblical source material.
The first—and only—place in the entire Bible where these seven special qualities are listed together is Isaiah 11:1–3, in a famous Messianic prophecy.

Virtually every commentator on the seven gifts for the past two millennia has identified this passage as the source of the teaching, yet none have noted how integral these seven concepts were to the ancient Israelite “Wisdom” tradition, which is reflected in such Old Testament books as Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Psalms, Ecclesiasticus, and the Wisdom of Solomon, as well as certain strands of the prophetic books, including Isaiah. This material focuses on how to navigate the ethical demands of daily life (economics, love and marriage, rearing children, interpersonal relationships, the use and abuse of power) rather than the historical, prophetic, or mythical/metaphysical themes usually associated with the Old Testament. It does not contradict these other.aspects of revelation but complements them by providing a glimpse into how Israel’s covenant with Yahweh is lived out in all its nitty-gritty detail.
It is from this world of practical, down-to-earth, everyday concerns rather than the realm of ascetical or mystical experience that the seven gifts emerged, and the context of Isaiah 11 reinforces this frame of reference. The balance of Isaiah describes in loving detail the aggressiveness with which the “shoot of Jesse” will establish his “peaceable kingdom” upon the earth:

He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked. They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. (Is. 11:3–4, 9)

Establishing this kingdom entails thought, planning, work, struggle, courage, endurance, perseverance, humility—that is, getting one’s hands dirty. This earthbound perspective is a profitable one from which to view the role the seven gifts play in the life of mature (or maturing) Christians.
There is a strain within Catholicism, as within Christianity in general, that focuses on the afterlife to the exclusion—and detriment—of this world, as if detachment from temporal things were alone a guarantee of eternal life. One of the correctives to this kind of thinking issued by Vatican II was the recovery of the biblical emphasis on the kingdom of God as a concrete reality that not only transcends the created order but also transforms it (Dei Verbum 17; Lumen Gentium 5; Gaudium et Spes 39).
The seven gifts are indispensable resources in the struggle to establish the kingdom and are, in a sense, a byproduct of actively engaging in spiritual warfare. If a person does not bother to equip himself properly for battle, he should not be surprised to find himself defenseless when the battle is brought to his doorstep. If my classmates and I never “acquired” the “mysterious powers” we anticipated, perhaps it is because we never took up arms in the struggle to advance the kingdom of God!
The seven gifts are an endowment to which every baptized Christian can lay claim from his earliest childhood. They are our patrimony. These gifts, given in the sacraments for us to develop through experience, are indispensable to the successful conduct of the Christian way of life. They do not appear spontaneously and out of nowhere but emerge gradually as the fruit of virtuous living. Nor are they withdrawn by the Spirit once they are no longer needed, for they are perpetually needed as long as we are fighting the good fight.
The seven gifts are designed to be used in the world for the purpose of transforming that world for Christ. Isaiah 11 vividly portrays what these gifts are to be used for: to do what one is called to do in one’s own time and place to advance the kingdom of God. The specific, personal details of that call do not come into focus until one has realized his very limited, ungodlike place in the scheme of things (fear of the Lord), accepted one’s role as a member of God’s family (piety), and acquired the habit of following the Father’s specific directions for living a godly life (knowledge). This familiarity with God breeds the strength and courage needed to confront the evil that one inevitably encounters in one’s life (fortitude) and the cunning to nimbly shift one’s strategies to match—even anticipate—the many machinations of the Enemy (counsel). The more one engages in such “spiritual warfare,” the more one perceives how such skirmishes fit into the big picture that is God’s master plan for establishing his reign in this fallen world (understanding) and the more confident, skillful, and successful one becomes in the conduct of his particular vocation (wisdom).

Soldiers of Christ

These remarks are aimed primarily at adult cradle Catholics who, like me, were inadequately catechized (at least with respect to the seven gifts). Because of the ongoing controversy in the Church at large over the proper age for reception of the sacrament of confirmation, the malaise of inadequate catechesis is likely to continue afflicting the faithful. The lack of attention to the synergistic relationship between the virtues and the gifts seems to be the main culprit in the failure to develop the gifts among the confirmandi. Catechesis that is aimed only at the acquisition of knowledge or merely at promoting “random acts of kindness” without a solidly evangelical organizing principle simply will not cut it with this (or any other) generation of young people. Centering prayer, journaling, guided meditation, or any of the host of other pseudo-pedagogical tricks popular in many current catechetical programs cannot compete with the seductions of the culture of death.
The path to a mature appropriation of the spiritual arsenal represented by the seven gifts needs to be trod as early as possible, and the seven virtues can serve today, as they have for most of the Church’s history, as excellent guides along that path. Perhaps it is time to resurrect the traditional image of the baptized as “soldiers of Christ,” a phrase that has been anathema for Catholic catechetical materials for decades. Despite the fact that the post-Vatican II zeitgeist has militated against the notion of “militancy” in all things religious, this stance has been shown to be misguided—by an honest assessment of what Sacred Scripture has to say about it and by world events in our own lifetime. The toppling of the Soviet Union, for example, would not have happened without the nonviolent militancy of John Paul II in the pursuit of a legitimate goal. The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are our spiritual weaponry for the spiritual warfare of everyday life.

Our Lady of Guadalupe – The self-portrait and its message

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

The image of Our Lady of Guadalupe hangs in our meeting room, but what did it say to the indigenous people of Mexico 500 years ago to convert 9 million to the catholic faith and what does it say to us today as it is still the most visited Marian Shrine in the world?

Objective

The Objective is become familiar with the apparition of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

· The apparition events involving Juan Diego

· The symbols of the Image

· The message to us today

Bible Readings

1. Revelation 12: 1-2

A great sign appeared in the sky, a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars. She was with child and wailed aloud in pain as she labored to give birth.

2. John 19:26-27

When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

3. Luke 1:46-48

And Mary said, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden. For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 963

Since the Virgin Mary’s role in the mystery of Christ and the Spirit has been treated, it is fitting now to consider her place in the mystery of the Church. “The Virgin Mary . . . is acknowledged and honored as being truly the Mother of God and of the redeemer. . . . She is ‘clearly the mother of the members of Christ’ . . . since she has by her charity joined in bringing about the birth of believers in the Church, who are members of its head.” “Mary, Mother of Christ, Mother of the Church.”

2. Paragraph 2679

Mary is the perfect Orans (pray-er), a figure of the Church. When we pray to her, we are adhering with her to the plan of the Father, who sends his Son to save all men. Like the beloved disciple we welcome Jesus’ mother into our homes, for she has become the mother of all the living. We can pray with and to her. The prayer of the Church is sustained by the prayer of Mary and united with it in hope.

Small Group Questions

1. Do you consider Mary to be your mother?

2. What did the image say to you before today and what does it say to you now?

3. Have you ever made a pilgrimage to the site of a Marian apparition? If yes, what was the experience like?

4. Have you ever prayed for the intersection of the Virgin Mary?

5. What do you do in your life to honor the Virgin Mary?

Recommended Resources

1. Book: “Our Lady of Guadalupe Mother of the Civilization of Love”, by Carl Anderson & MSGR. Eduardo Chavez

2. Recording of Catholic Answers Live show with Cardinal Raymond Burke about Our Lady of Guadalupe, which first aired on 12/8/2010 and is available to listen to for free at: http://www.catholic.com/radio/event.php?calendar=1&category=&event=6516&date=2010-12-08

Accountability

1. Reflect on the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, how can she help you grow closer to her son?

2. Take some time this weekend to discuss Our Lady of Guadalupe with you wife and kids.

Author(s)

Michael Copfer

Included Resources:

The following notes taken from the book: “Our Lady of Guadalupe Mother of the Civilization of Love”, by Carl Anderson & MSGR. Eduardo Chavez

HISTORY

· 1519-21: Hernan Cortes lands in Mexico and conquers the Aztec Empire

· Aztecs used human sacrifice to sustain the Aztec gods (sun & moon)and maintain cosmic harmony

· After the Spanish conquest of Mexico, Christian missionaries came to the New World

· 1529: Evangelization efforts to the indigenous people were failing both due to the corruption and mistreatment from some of the Spaniards toward the indigenous people and the friar missionaries’ inability to evangelize due to ignorance of the Indian language and culture. Friar Sahagun likened it to a doctor trying to cure a patient without knowing the illness. Friar Zumarrage wrote in a letter to Charles V, the king of Spain, “If God does not provide the remedy from His Hand, the land is about to be completely lost.”

· 1531: a series of natural events including earthquakes, Halley’s comet and a solar eclipse lead the Indians to believe that the world is about to end

· After the Apparitions and Image: A missionary wrote, “The Indians, submerged in a profound darkness, still loved and serves false little gods, clay figurines and images of our enemy the devil, in spite of having heard about the faith. But when they heard that the Holy Mother of Our Lord Jesus Christ had appeared, and since they saw and admired her most perfect Image, which has no human art, their eyes were opened as if suddenly day had dawned for them.”

JUAN DIEGO

· Was a native of the area of Mexico City at the height of the Aztec Empire, his Indian name was Cuauhtlatoatzin meaning “eagle that speaks”

· He was a middle-class commoner who owned property through inheritance

· 1524 Juan Diego at 50 yrs old was baptized along with his wife by a Franciscan missionary, making them among the early converts to the Christian Faith

· Juan Diego’s wife died five years after they were baptized, leaving Juan Diego with just his uncle, Juan Bernardino also a convert to Christianity

· Every Saturday and Sunday Juan Diego awoke at dawn and walked nine miles to attend Mass and catechesis (instruction in the faith), his route took him by Tepeyac hill

FIRST APPARITION

· Saturday December 9, 1531, Juan Diego was on his way to catechesis and going by Tepeyac hill when he heard beautiful music coming from the top of the hill

· Then the music stopped and he heard a woman’s voice calling his name

· Upon reaching the top of the hill, he found a beautiful woman wearing clothes that “Shone like the sun”

· She said to him, “I am the ever-perfect holy Mary, who has the honor to be the mother of the true God by whom we all live, the Creator of people, the Lord of the near and far, the Lord of heaven and earth.” I want very much that they build my sacred little house here, in which I will show Him, I will exalt Him upon making Him manifest, I will give Him to all people in all my personal love, Him that is my compassionate gaze, Him that is my help, Him that is my salvation. Because truly I am your compassionate Mother, yours and that of all the people that live together in this land, and also of all the other various lineages of men, those who love me, those who cry to me, those who seek me, those who trust in me.”

· She asked him to give this message Friar Juan de Zumarrage, the bishop who was head of the Church in Mexico City

· Importance of this message:

o Makes clear the Virgin Mary’s universal role as mother and her desire to bring all people closer to God through her loving intercession

o The request of a church to be built is significant because to the indigenous people the temple was at the center of society and the request for a new temple marked the beginning of a new civilization

· Juan Diego went right away to bishop’s house. But the bishop was skeptical of an apparition to a recently converted Indian and told him that he would listen to his story at another time

SECOND APPARITION

· After being dismissed by the bishop, Juan Diego returned to Tepeyac hill and requested that the Virgin should give the mission to someone more important than himself

· He said, “So I beg you…to have one of the nobles who are held in esteem, one who is known, respected, honored, have him carry on, take your venerable breath, your venerable word, so that he will be believed. Because I am really just a man from the country, I am the porter’s rope, I am a back-frame, just a tail, a wing; I myself need to be led, carried on someone’s back…My Little Girl, my Littlest Daughter, my Lady, my Girl, please excuse me: I will afflict your face, your heart: I will fall into your anger, into your displeasure, my Lady Mistress.”

· The Virgin responded, “Listen, my youngest son, know for sure that I have no lack of servants messengers to whom I can give the task of carrying my breath, my word, so that they carry out my will. But it is necessary that you, personally, go and plead, that by your intercession my wish, my will, become a reality. And I beg you, my youngest son, and I strictly order you to go again tomorrow to see the bishop. And in my name, make him know, make him hear my wish, my will, so that he will bring into being, build my sacred house that I ask of him. And carefully tell him again how I, personally, the ever Virgin Holy Mary, I, who am the Mother of God, sent you as my messenger.”

· The next day, Juan Diego visited the bishop who questioned Juan Diego and then requested evidence that would confirm the truth of the story

THIRD APPARITION

· Juan Diego returned to Tepeyac hill and told the Virgin of the bishop’s request for a sign

· She told him to return the next day to receive the sign

FOURTH APPARITION

· The next day, Juan Diego’s uncle , Juan Bernardino, was very ill and instead of going to Tepeyac hill, Juan Diego went to get a doctor for his uncle

· On December 12, 1531, Juan Bernardino asked Juan Diego to bring him a priest for his confession and to prepare him for death

· Juan Diego put on his tilma (a cloak-like garment) as it was cold and went to get a priest, but remembering his promise to the Virgin, he avoided his usual path as he did not want to be delayed in getting the priest for his uncle

· However, the Virgin came down from the hill and said to Juan Diego, “My youngest son, what’s going on? Where are you going? Where are you headed?

· Juan Diego told her that his uncle was dying and that he needed to take care of him. He said, “Afterwards I will return here again to go carry your venerable breath, your venerable word, Lady, my little girl. Forgive me, be patient with me a little longer, because I am not deceiving you with this…tomorrow without fail I will come in all haste.”

· The Virgin responded, “Listen, put it into your heart, my youngest son, that what frightened you, what afflicted you, is nothing; do not let it disturb your face, your heart; do not fear this sickness nor any other sickness, nor any sharp and hurtful thing. Am I not here, I who have the honor to be your Mother? Are you not in my shadow and under my protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need something more?

· She tells him that his uncle will recover from his illness

· Juan Diego trusted the Virgin completely and again asked for a sign to take to the bishop as proof

· She instructed him to go to the top of Tepeyac hill and cut flowers and bring them back to her to arrange in his tilma

· Juan Diego was amazed to find flowers of the sweetest scent during the winter on this rocky hill that typically only grew thistles and cacti

· While arranging the flowers in his tilma the Virgin said, “My youngest son, these different kinds of flowers are the proof, the sign that you will take to the bishop. You will tell him for me that in them he is to see my wish and that therefore he is to carry out my wish, my will; and you, you who are my messenger, in you I place my absolute trust.”

· Juan Diego then goes to the bishop’s house with the sign (the flowers) in his tilma. Upon finally getting to see the bishop, Juan Diego kneels before him and unfolds his tilma letting the flowers fall to the floor, which reveal the image of the Virgin Mary upon the tilma’s rough surface

· Those present knelt down overwhelmed with emotion. The bishop also knelt in tears, praying for the Virgin’s forgiveness for not having done her request

· The following day Juan Diego took the bishop to see where the chapel was to be built, construction began immediately

TILMA

· In the Indian culture the tilma was a sign of social status. Peasant’s had plan tilmas, while nobles had colorful tilmas

· The tilma also represented: protection, nourishment, matrimony and consecration

· By placing her image on Juan Diego’s tilma, the Virgin gave a new dignity to the common person and especially to the Indians

APPARITION TO JUAN BERNARDINO (JUAN DIEGO’S UNCLE)

· After fulfilling his duty Juan Diego returned to his uncle, to find him completely healed

· As Juan Diego explained to his uncle where he had been, his uncle told him that he already knew because the Virgin came to him, healed him and told him everything that his nephew was doing for her

· She also told the uncle her name: “the Perfect Virgin Holy Mary of Guadalupe”

· By disclosing her full name to the uncle it gives a second witness to the apparition and it show his role in the family and relationship as a community elder

· The name “Guadalupe” chosen by her reflects her mission as the one that carries or brings the living water, Jesus Christ. Guadalupe was a river that ran through Extremadura, Spain. It is of Arabic origin and means “river of black gravel”

THE IMAGE – A Mystery for Science

· Juan Diego’s tilma is made of agave fibers (cactus cloth), which are highly corruptible and should suffer from normal decomposition (typically would last only 30-40 years), but it is still intact today

· Miraculous preservation: for the first 116 years it was displayed with no type of covering; replica tilmas made of similar material have been placed in the same area as the original and have not held up to the environmental characteristics of the humidity and saltpeter found on Tepeyac hill, within a short period the replicas discolor and fall to pieces

· Nov. 14, 1921 a bomb was placed under the image and exploded, the result was that is ruined the alter, candelabra, and bronze crucifix atop the alter and shattered windows in neighboring homes within a one-kilometer radius but only inches away the tilma under a glass covering remained unharmed.

· In 1785 nitric acid used to clean the frame was spilled, enough to destroy the whole surface; however, only a dull mark is visible

· Both art specialists and chemists have studied the image on the tilma to determine how the image came to be on the tilma. The colors permeate the fabric all the way through and are visible in the back. The art experts determined, “It is humanly impossible that any artist could paint and work something so beautiful, clean and well-formed on a fabric which is as rough as is the tilma.” They could not even determine if it is tempera or oil paint because it appears to be both. Likewise, the chemists concluded, “Our limited intelligence cannot account for it.”

· In 1977, the tilma was examined using infrared photography and digital enhancement techniques. Unlike any painting, the tilma shows no sketching or any sign of outline drawn to permit an artist to produce a painting. Further, the very method used to create the image is still unknown. The image is inexplicable in its longevity and method of production.

THE IMAGE – SYMBOLS

· Belt much higher than the waist indicating she is pregnant. Not only is she pregnant, but she is pregnant with God himself as indicated by the Jasmine flower (four petals) on her belly, which is the Indian’s symbol for God and only appears in this one place on her tunic.

· The Virgin sounded by fog/clouds is a sign of something supernatural to the Indians

· The angel beneath her feet is a sign of renewal for the Indian civilization. As it is both bald but with the countenance of a child, therefore, evoking both wisdom and youthful. The wings are that of an eagle symbolic of the conveyor of the Aztecs’ sacrificial offerings. Thus the eagle-angle is transporting in his hands the new sacrifice, Christ present in the Virgin’s womb.

· The pattern of the stars on her mantle are the constellations that appeared above Mexico City on the morning of Dec. 12, 1531, the day the image appeared on the tilma.

· The rich blue-green color of the mantle was an imperial color for the Aztecs, typically only worn by the emperor.

· By eclipsing the sun and standing atop the moon, she shows that she has governance of both, which were gods that the Indians had been worshiping with human sacrifice. Also, the date of the image (Dec. 12, 1531) was the winter solstice, when the sun conquers the darkness and the days become longer.

· Even as her imperial-colored clothing and cosmic surroundings indicate that she is a heavenly queen, her posture indicates that there is someone greater than she, someone to whom she humbly prays. Not only her hands indicate that she is praying, and her eyes are downcast as a sign of respect but also her stance, which has one bent knee and her weight on the other foot, which to the Indians was a sign of a dance, their highest form of prayer.

· Her skin is neither white like the Spaniards nor dark like the Indians, but is mestizo, a combination of the two. She is therefore identifying herself with the people of the New World, as both a mix of European and Indian ancestry.

· The bare cross on the brooch is similar to that of the missionaries and not only identifies her son but also acknowledges the Indians’ sufferings, both due to plagues and mistreatment at the hands of some of the Spanish officials and settlers.

WHAT IT MEANS TODAY

Pope John Paul II (Ecclesia in America), “The appearance of Mary to native Juan Diego on the hill of Tepeyac in 1531 had a decisive effect on evangelization. Its influence greatly overflows the boundaries of Mexico, spreading to the whole continent…[which] has recognized in the mestizo face of the Virgin of Tepeyac, “in Blessed Mary of Guadalupe, an impressive example of a perfectly enculturated evangelization.” Therefore, JP II said that Our Lady of Guadalupe is venerated in the Western Hemisphere as “Queen of all America” and that the December 12th feast day be celebrated not only in Mexico but throughout the Western Hemisphere.

Our Lady of Guadalupe is more than an event; she is a person, “Patroness of all America and Star of the first and new evangelization”, her continuing witness to Christ continues to aid the men and women of the Western Hemisphere to a greater encounter with Christ.

WHAT HAVE THE POPES SAID CONCERNING Our Lady of Guadalupe

1576, Pope Gregory XIII extends indulgences and blessings to the chapel at Tepeyac

1667, Pope Clement IX institutes the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe on December 12

1754, Pope Benedict XIV declares our Lady of Guadalupe patroness of New Spain, saying, “God has not done anything like this for any other nation.”

1900, Pope Leo XII proclaims that the offices and Masses of Our Lady of Guadalupe are to be celebrated in perpetuity

1910, Pope Pius X declares Our Lady of Guadalupe patroness of Latin America

1935, Pope Pius XI names Our Lady of Guadalupe patroness of the Philippines

1946, Pope Pius XII declares Our Lady of Guadalupe Patroness of the Americas

1999, Pope John Paul II proclaimed Our Lady of Guadalupe as Patroness of the whole American continent

2002, July 31, Juan Diego is canonized by Pope John Paul II at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City, becoming the first Mexican indigenous saint

Do you believe in the saying: “You are who you hang out with”?

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Many times we have good friends that may not be the best influence. How do we handle this type of situation in our daily lives? Is this an opportunity for us to reach out and lead by example? How do you approach a friend who may not be leading the best life and try to help them?

Objective

Many times we have good friends that may not be the best influence. How do we handle this type of situation in our daily lives? Is this an opportunity for us to reach out and lead by example? How do you approach a friend who may not be leading the best life and try to help them? Matthew Kelly says in Rediscovering Catholicism that, “a true friendship is when the other person encourages you to be all you can be, challenges you to become the-best-version-of-yourself, and vice versa (p. 134.) We want to be around people that help us get to heaven. We want to be around people that support our marriage and help us make the choices God would want us to make. If we have a friend that is not the best influence, often if we live by example, it may help the other person make betters choices. If you are at a restaurant and your friend orders the grilled chicken with a salad, you are more apt to order something healthy rather than a big cheeseburger. Just as your friend might make better choices if he sees you being honest at work or you being loving to your wife. Matthew Kelly states that, “Goodness is contagious. The problem is so is evil” (p. 135.) If we surround ourselves around those who want to be better people, we will become better. However we need to choose our friends wisely because if we are surrounded by those who do not care how they act, it is very easy to go down that path. That is why, as Matthew Kelly’s father told him, “If you have five true friends in your lifetime, you will have lived a life infinitely blessed” (p. 133.)

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be led astray:

“ Bad company corrupts good morals.”

2. Proverbs 18:24

Some friends bring ruin on us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraphs 1934-1938

1934 Created in the image of the one God and equally endowed with rational souls, all men have the same nature and the same origin…. All therefore enjoy an equal dignity. 1935 The equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it: Every form of social or cultural discrimination in fundamental personal rights on the grounds of sex, race, colour, social conditions, language or religion, must be curbed and eradicated as incompatible with God’s design. 1937 These differences belong to God’s plan, who wills that each receive what he needs from others, and that those endowed with particular ‘talents’ share the benefits with those who need them… 1938 There exist also sinful inequalities that affect millions of men and women. These are in open contradiction of the Gospel: Their equal dignity as persons demands that we strive for fairer and more humane conditions…

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have any friends that do not help you become the-best-version-of-yourself?

2. If so, what do you do when you are around these friends?

3. Are you comfortable around these friends?

Recommended Resources

1. Rediscovering Catholicism By Matthew Kelly

Accountability

1. Take a look at some of your friends this week and think if they are making you a better person.

Author(s)

Mark Oliva

Changes to the Mass per the Roman Missal

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Have you been “going through the motions” at Mass by repeating prayers and responses that you know by heart and have become automatic? Well, the Mass is changing. Why, and what are the changes? What is the Roman Missal? When will the changes take place? How will I know the new words to say during Mass and how does this “new translation” affect us? This is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to experience the Mass in a much deeper way.

Objective

· Understand the background for the changes, what they are, and how they can help us get a deeper meaning out of Mass.

· Learn how the Mass now more closely follows the readings in the bible.

· Embrace this as an opportunity to teach our children what the Mass is all about:

Bible Readings

1. 2 Timothy 4:22

The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with all of you.

2. Philippians 4:23

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

3. Isaiah 6:3

One cried out to the other: “Holy, holy, holy* is the LORD of hosts! All the earth is filled with his glory!”

4. Isaiah 53:11-12

Because of his anguish he shall see the light; because of his knowledge he shall be content; My servant, the just one, shall justify the many, their iniquity he shall bear.

Therefore I will give him his portion among the many, and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, Because he surrendered himself to death, was counted among the transgressors, Bore the sins of many, and interceded for the transgressors.

5. Matthew 8:8

The centurion said in reply, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed:”

6. Luke 7:6-7

And Jesus went with them, but when he was only a short distance from the house, the centurion sent friends to tell him, “Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 167

“I believe” (Apostles’ Creed) is the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer, principally during Baptism. “We believe” (Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed) is the faith of the Church confessed by the bishops assembled in council or more generally by the liturgical assembly of believers. “I believe” is also the Church, our mother, responding to God by faith as she teaches us to say both “I believe” and “We believe”.

2. Paragraph 1345

As early as the second century we have the witness of St. Justin Martyr for the basic lines of the order of the Eucharistic celebration. They have stayed the same until our own day for all the great liturgical families. St. Justin wrote to the pagan emperor Antoninus Pius (138-161) around the year 155, explaining what Christians did:

On the day we call the day of the sun, all who dwell in the city or country gather in the same place. The memoirs of the apostles and the writings of the prophets are read, as much as time permits.

When the reader has finished, he who presides over those gathered admonishes and challenges them to imitate these beautiful things.

Then we all rise together and offer prayers* for ourselves . . .and for all others, wherever they may be, so that we may be found righteous by our life and actions, and faithful to the commandments, so as to obtain eternal salvation.

When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.

Then someone brings bread and a cup of water and wine mixed together to him who presides over the brethren.

He takes them and offers praise and glory to the Father of the universe, through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and for a considerable time he gives thanks (in Greek: eucharistian) that we have been judged worthy of these gifts.

When he has concluded the prayers and thanksgivings, all present give voice to an acclamation by saying: ‘Amen.’

When he who presides has given thanks and the people have responded, those whom we call deacons give to those present the “eucharisted” bread, wine and water and take them to those who are absent.

Small Group Questions

1. Where can I find out more about these changes?

2. How can I use this as an opportunity to enhance my experience in Mass?

3. In what ways can I teach my children about the meaning of these changes?

Recommended Resources

  1. http://old.usccb.org/romanmissal/ -various resources for the Roman Missal from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops
  2. http://www.loyolapress.com/roman-missal-changes-webinar.htm – series of three videos on the changes.
  3. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal – contains power point presentation, internet links, print and other resources.
  4. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal/print-resources/bulletin-inserts – Bulletin Inserts
  5. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/CT040910_romanmissal.pdf – Catholic Telegraph article on the changes
  6. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/frequently_asked_questions_cinti.pdf – answers to frequently asked questions

Accountability

1. Commit to spending time this week (30 minutes) this week to learn more about these changes.

2. Spend a few minutes before or after church talking with your kids about the Mass, its new prayers and responses.

Author(s)

John Tekulve and Michael Copfer

Included Resources

The Archdiocese of Cincinnati website has a wealth of resources and links

Booklet – “A Guide to The New Translation of The Mass” by Dr. Edward Sri, Ascension Press

CD – A Walk Through The New Mass Translation, Dr. Edward Sri, Lighthouse Catholic Media

The essence and structure of the Mass is not changing but many of the prayers and responses to liturgy have been newly translated to English from the Latin text. The Mass was originally celebrated in Latin but this changed with the Second Vatican Council in the 1960’s when prayers and liturgy were translated into the vernacular (common) language of different countries. The official Latin text is contained in a book called the Roman Missal. This is what was translated. It was done quickly using a general meaning of the text rather than providing a more close word for word translation. The paraphrasing resulted in the loss of spiritual meanings and theoretical concepts that were not always as clear as they could be. In 2001, the Vatican called for a more precise translation which will be effective November 27th 2011, which is the first Sunday of Advent, and the beginning of the Church’s new liturgical year.

Overall, the new language more fully conveys rich biblical images and allusions. The revised translation as a whole uses a more heightened style of English in order to express greater reverence and humility when praying to God in Mass. The style emphasizes God’s goodness, power and glory so we understand that we are encountering the presence of him in the sacred liturgy of the Mass.

Some of the changes are as follows:

Priest’s Greeting: “The Lord be with you”. Our response will now be “And with your spirit”

Readings above: 2 Timothy 4:22 and Philippians 4:23.

The new translation better reflects the Latin text of the biblical language. The old translation of this greeting gave the impression that our response was intended to be a personal greeting or reciprocal goodwill. There is much more to this response. When a man is ordained a priest, the Holy Spirit comes upon him in a unique way, enabling him to perform the sacred rites of the Mass and consecrate the Eucharist. By responding “And with your spirit” we acknowledge the Holy Spirit is working through the priest during the sacred liturgy. We are experiencing Jesus who is the head of the community gathered for Mass and it is his Spirit who is the primary actor in the liturgy, regardless of who the priest may be.

Nicene Creed: “We believe” is now “I believe”.

The new translation unites us with the rest of the Catholic world in using the singular. After Vatican II, English was the only Western Language that translated the opening Latin word of the Creed (Credo) with the plural. The singular “I” makes the Creed more personal and challenges each individual to interiorize the faith. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “I believe” expresses “the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer (no.167).

This is what we do when we renew our baptismal promises during the Easter season or when we attend a baptism. The priest asks if we believe in the various statements of faith in the Creed: “Do you believe in God the Father Almighty…..?” Do you believe in the Holy Spirit…..? Each individual answers saying “I do”. It is fitting that we will regularly make a similar personal act of faith by using the singular “I believe” whenever the Creed is recited in the Mass.

The Sanctus:

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord, God of power and might” is now “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts”

Reading above: Isaiah 6:3.

The opening line of the Sanctus is taken from the angels’ worship of God in heaven. In the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah was given a vision of the angels praising God, crying out “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts” (Isaiah 6:3). The word “hosts” here refers to the army of angels in heaven. When we recite “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts” in the Mass, therefore, we are joining the angels in heaven, and echoing their very words of worship.

This new translation more clearly underscores the infinite breadth of God’s power. All things in heaven and on earth are under his dominion—including the angels.

Words of Institution

“For all” is now “For many”.

Reading above: Isaiah 53:11-12.

The previous translation referred to Jesus’ blood having redemptive value “for all”. The new translation replaces this with “for many”. This revision remains closer to Jesus’ actual words in the Gospel (Matthew 26:28) and is also more harmonious with the Latin text.

Some have raised concerns that the words “for many” limits the universal scope of Jesus’s saving mission and that he did not die for everyone—-that he offered his blood on Calvary not “for all” but for a select group of people, “for many”.

The new translation points to the reality that while Jesus died for all, not everyone chooses to accept this gift. Each individual must choose to welcome the gift of salvation and live according to that grace, so that they may be among “the many”.

Jesus’s language at the Last Supper about his blood being poured out “for many” recalls that there are the three times “the many” is mentioned in Isaiah 53:11-12. In this prophecy, Isaiah foretold that God would one day send his servant who would make himself “an offering for sin” bearing the sin of “many” and making “many” righteous.

Ecci Angus Dei

“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you” is now “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof”.

Readings above: Matthew 8:8 and Luke 7:6-7

These new words reflect the humility and trust of the Roman centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant who is at his house, paralyzed and in distress. As a Gentile, outside of God’s covenant, and a Roman officer in charge of soldiers who were oppressing God’s people, this centurion humbly acknowledges, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof”. He expresses a great faith that surpassed many others in the gospels and amazes even Jesus himself: he believes Jesus can heal from afar, simply by speaking his word. “But only say the word, and my servant shall be healed”. Jesus praises the man for his faith.

At this moment in mass, like the centurion, we recognize our unworthiness to have Jesus come sacramentally under the “roof” of our souls in Holy Communion. But just at the centurion believed Jesus was able to heal his servant, we also trust that Jesus can heal us when we receive the Eucharist.

Reinventing Date Night

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
– Aristotle, Greek Philosopher (384 – 322 BC)

Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a marriage relationship from getting stale. Keeping the butterflies of early romance from quickly fluttering away after marriage is a desire shared by both the husband and wife. So how do guys just like you, keep their marriages from slipping into familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment – Date Night!

Objective

The objective is for the Fathers Team member to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship by focusing on “Date Night” with their wife.
As background, most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. However, marriage studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists & therapists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy.
Fun date night ideas are a great way to help blossom a marriage by doing things you both enjoy. There are so many places to go and things to do – so, go play! Fun date ideas are the best way to get closer as a couple. Your wife wants to see your creative, playful side and when you put your own thoughts and effort into it, you’ll be surprised how well she will respond to your romantic date idea simply because the date idea came from you. And don’t be shy, if you are aiming to surprise your wife, don’t be afraid to ask her preferences so you can create fun date ideas that both of you will enjoy.

The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant together or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking a hot air balloon ride together or riding horseback through a vineyard, then having a secluded wine & cheese picnic.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

2. Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Small Group Questions

1. What is the best “date night” that you have had with your wife so far?

2. What was the novelty in the “date night” that excited her?

3. Review the list of 100 Great Date nights, which one will you try with your wife in the next week?

Accountability

1. Share your plans for the “first date” this week with your small team (from the 100 Great Date Nights list or other)

2. Share with your small team next week how the date night went, what was the novelty in it for you and your wife?

3. Plan out the next 10 date nights with your wife, and then go on the dates! Share with the small team after 90 days.

Included Resources

100 Fun Date Night Ideas & Activities

“mix and match” to make your date night a unique novel experience

1. Go get pampered or have massages together at a local day spa

2. Go schooner sailing at sunset

3. Take a Segway Tour through out a park

4. Reserve a spot on a yacht party cruise

5. Try your hand at indoor rock climbing

6. Go on a kayaking adventure tour – sight see from a kayak or canoe

7. Take an archery class together

8. Try skydiving, take lessons or try a tandem jump

9. Go on a harbor excursion – watch marine life or go whale or dolphin watching

10. Take a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride thru the city

11. Day adventure to any beautiful garden-park or arboretum, together

12. Enjoy a secluded beach and swim and/or enjoy the sun, together

13. Take a winery tour, or vineyard/winery tour on horseback if possible

14. Rent canoe, kayak or paddle boat and have a floating picnic on a lake

15. Go river rafting or inter tubing on a creek, river or lake

16. Go camping together

17. Become restaurant critics, find the most romantic restaurant by trying ones you haven’t

18. Go to the zoo and/or aquarium

19. See a play at the local suburb theater or at the High School

20. Hang out at a high-class cocktail lounge or restaurant, request a song from a piano man

21. Book an experience activity such as driving a real race car together

22. Take a Hot Air Balloon ride

23. Go Para-sailing together

24. Make your own wine, beer or root beer together

25. Take your dog(s) to the local dog park

26. Go fishing, or teach each other how to fish

27. Take a romantic walking tour of your city – pretend to be a tourist for a day

28. Spend the day with binoculars and a camera and go bird watching

29. Visit a U-Pick farm and pick fruit together, make sure you feed each other the samples!

30. Go Ice Skating together, and then warm up together!

31. Go to a baseball game, football game or Basketball game.

32. Tour new homes together

33. Learn to scuba dive together

34. Go on a haunted ghost tour together

35. See a local jazz band, concert, or orchestra in Cincinnati

36. Make it a romantic mission to ride a Ferris wheel together, kissing each other at the top!

37. Take a romantic afternoon walk or picnic at a park together

38. Go on a hiking trip together

39. Go to your local bookstore to pick out a surprise book for each other

40. Take turns reading a book to each other

41. Relive and go to the first place you ever went out together

42. Go shopping for new clothes, pick out clothes for each other

43. Go to a local gym to exercise together or to join together

44. Go tanning at a salon together and then go get pedicures

45. Spring time walk to pick wildflowers together

46. Go on an afternoon sightseeing drive and explore places you haven’t seen before

47. Spend the morning going to local garage sales to go treasure hunting

48. Visit an old cemetery

49. A date to have ice-cream together, make sure you feed each other a few bites

50. Window shop at local antique shops

51. Go moonlight bowling

52. A date to a karaoke bar for some singing (or watch others sing)

53. A roller-blade or roller skating date

54. A date to take pictures of each other

55. Go to a supermarket to pick out a meal and then back home to cook it, together

56. A date to wash and wax your cars together, make sure you spray each other with the hose!

57. Spend an evening to write poems for each other

58. A date to roast marshmallows over a campfire or fire pit in the back yard

59. Park near the airport to watch planes take off – feel the thunder of the planes –dream of your next trip together

60. Go to a park and star watch together

61. Bake cookies, make popcorn and watch a scary movie at midnight

62. A date to wash each other’s hair and then give back rubs to each other

63. Have a shaving cream fight and pillow fight

64. Go dancing or take dancing lessons together

65. Take a scenic drive in a rented convertible, or your own sports car

66. Schedule a dinner cruise on a train or boat

67. Take a charter fishing trip or whale watching tour

68. Go skiing or hang out around the snow, at the lodge

69. Visit a town or city you’ve never been to

70. Play a round at a fancy golf course

71. Take a helicopter or airplane site seeing tour together

72. Go visit the art gallery or art museum together

73. Go to the beach and build a sand castle together

74. Rent a limo and drive nowhere in particular

75. Visit the planetarium or Museum Center

76. Play in the water at the Beach Water park

77. Learn a new game at a casino

78. Visit a wax museum or find the historical landmarks in your area

79. Play arcade games together or play games on your home console

80. Patio/deck picnic

81. Watch a meteor shower in the evening, with wine and snacks

82. Go on a ferry boat ride to nowhere in particular

83. Go to a classic car show

84. Play miniature golf

85. See a Broadway show together

86. Take a helicopter ride together

87. Go to a high school or college sports event

88. Go to a Roller Derby event

89. Visit a dog or horse race track, together

90. Play laser tag or paint ball tag

91. Go target shooting or go to a shooting range together

92. Make it a mission to ride as many roller coasters you can find

93. Go on a hay ride in the fall during the evening; remember to bring a blanket to snuggle under!

94. Watch the sunset. Just pick a scenic spot, grab a bottle of wine (or your favorite beverage) and enjoy!

95. Reminisce Together – Share journals, pictures, letters, home videos, etc.

96. Bake Dessert Together – cake decorating, banana split, sundae, berry or chocolate smoothies

97. Build a snowman or snowwomen together, then warm up with hot chocolate and a blanket

98. Ride go-carts or “bump m” cars at the carnival

99. Visit the pumpkin farm or Christmas Tree Farm and talk a long slow walk in the nearby woods

100. (Fill in your favorite Date Night Idea Here )

Family Relationships

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Do you have a family member who you haven’t talked to in a long time? Perhaps a brother, sister, aunt or uncle that you just can’t seem to get along with or that long standing grudge you don’t even recall the cause of? How do we as fathers find the opportunity to reach out and show love for the people around us who make up our family?

Objective

Family is more than just your wife and children. You began with your parents and perhaps some siblings. Along the way you became close or at least associated with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. Then you marry and pick up an even wider circle of family members. This ever expanding circle of family we gather along life’s path can be difficult to manage, conflicts along the way are inevitable.

· How do we as fathers become role models for our children, and perhaps our extended family?

· Is there a damaged relationship you can try, AGAIN, to reach out to mend?

· Has someone moved away for work or school that might need a friendly contact?

· Are you able to be a voice of reason at family gatherings if conflict arises?

· When’s the last time your family had a reunion besides just attending a funeral?

· As Christians how do we set a Christ-like example of how to deal with loved ones around us?

Bible Readings

1. 1 Timothy 5:1-8 (Pay attention to 8 the most

5:1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. 3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

2. Isaiah 49 15-16

15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. 16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

3. Luke 12:13-21

13 6 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me.” 14 He replied to him, “Friend, who appointed me as your judge and arbitrator?” 15 Then he said to the crowd, “Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.” 16 Then he told them a parable. “There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest. 17 He asked himself, ‘What shall I do, for I do not have space to store my harvest?’ 18 And he said, ‘This is what I shall do: I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones. There I shall store all my grain and other goods 19 and I shall say to myself, “Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink, be merry!” 20 But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’ 21 Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for himself but is not rich in what matters to God.” 7

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

2. Paragraph 2215

Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”

3. Paragraph 2206

The relationships within the family bring an affinity of feelings, affections and interests, arising above all from the members’ respect for one another. The family is a privileged community called to achieve a “sharing of thought and common deliberation by the spouses as well as their eager cooperation as parents in the children’s upbringing.”

4. Paragraph 2208

The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor. There are many families who are at times incapable of providing this help. It devolves then on other persons, other families, and, in a subsidiary way, society to provide for their needs: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have family relationships that are in need of repair?

2. Do you have a family member that you have lost touch with because our lives are just too busy?

3. Who in your family, perhaps your wife, your sister or brother, sets the example of how to maintain a large and healthy family circle? What can you learn from them and how can you help or foster that example?

4. How many conflicts in the family are over money or possessions? See the reading above from Luke and discuss how possessions effect our relationships.

5. Is it possible that you treat your family members worse than you treat your friends?

6. Do you have family reunions? How large? How often? Who arranges that?

Recommended Resources

1. Family Feuds: Fixing the rift
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1002242,00.html

2. Repairing relationships: Family relationship challenge:
http://www.parentsconnect.com/questions/family-relationships-boot-camp-repair-relationship.jhtml

3. No One’s Family Is Normal
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/friends-family/inlaws-extended-family/normal-family

Accountability

1. What family relationship can you set a goal to repair?

2. How can you begin to set the example of how keep family relationships and traditions core to your families core values?

Author(s)

Dan Lape

Stages of Fatherhood: Changes of the 8’s – Age 0-8, 8-16, 16-24

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

We recognize stages of marriage; here we will examine the stages of Fatherhood. From birth to 8 years old – you are the most important man in your child’s life, from 9-16 your relationship will wane and the mom may play the dominant role (especially with girls), from 17-24 – you will wonder where the kids went. Join us to understand how to cope with these stages.

Objective

Our objective in this discussion is to better recognize and deal with the various stages of lives that our children are going through so we can better respond as a parent/father to help them develop and to give us a chance, as fathers, to enhance and preserve our relationship with our children.

Parenting an infant/toddler

· “The challenge for first-time dads is learning how to be patient and to be a server. Infants and toddlers feel like their world revolves around them and it does — they need to be taken care of and can’t do things on their own.”

· Prioritize. People tell you a baby will change your life but until it actually happens to you, it’s hard to comprehend the time and investment but also the joy.

· Keep your sense of humor. A dad who laughs when his son wakes him up 50 times a night, accidentally sprays him in face with urine, and poops in the tub will be a happier dad.

· Being an involved dad means changing diapers, feeding and disciplining from the beginning. That kind of dad will also remain more involved when his child is a teen.

· Support mom. She’s overwhelmed. Make time for each other.

· Play with your child. Dads tend to be less verbal and more hands-on, and research suggests that’s important for children.

· Take an interest in whatever your child is interested in: If you have a daughter who loves to dress up, do some make-believe with her, have a tea party.

· Read to your child starting at a very young age. Cuddle when you read: Touch is huge in terms of attachment — hug, kiss, hold hands.

Parenting school-age kids

· “These are formative years, the time when a child develops trust issues, social interaction, overall personality. The challenge is to be consistent, provide security, establish routines. Older dads regret they didn’t spend enough time with their children. Fathers mistakenly feel that their most important task as a father is to work and earn money.” Kids will ask 500,000 questions before they are 15 years old. That’s a lot of opportunities to teach about life.

· Spend time alone with your kids.

· Laugh with your kids. Enjoy the child within yourself.

· Teach independence, confidence, competition and self-reliance.

· Teach an appreciation for the outdoors and respect for nature.

· Keep promises. Dads are role-models for strength and accountability in the family.

· Never use sarcasm and ridicule to discipline. Be fair and consistent.

· Use words and tone of voice wisely. Teach children to respect you, not fear you.

· Be consistent. Don’t laugh at bad behavior and then punish the same behavior later.

· Role model love. Love the children’s mother and demonstrate it. Children raised in loving environments fare better in all aspects of life.

Parenting Teens

· “There are tremendous pressures on teens that were not there in the previous generations. At times the adolescent seems to have it all together and then five minutes later does something impulsive and unbelievably childish. The teenage years are a time when children are practicing how to be an adult. Remember that their friends are their world.”

· One of the foremost challenges for fathers is to keep pace with a changing society that increasingly blends traditional parental roles of provider and nurturer. A father can offer his girls the opportunity to learn that men can treat women with respect/dignity. He can show his sons that he can be an athlete, businessman, scientist who is also a feeling person.

· Listen more than talk, and try to listen to their friends too.

· Talk to them about their goals and encourage them to live their dreams.

· If you are not good at something for which they need help, help them find someone who is.

· Attend some if not all of their events — especially if they are performing or playing a sport.

· Have one-on-one time with each of your children even if it only 10 minutes a couple of times per week. Play and laugh as well as have the difficult conversations.

Parenting an adult child

· “Fathers often forget that their offspring actually is an adult. Parents tend to lapse into old patterns that renew the parent-child dichotomy rather than enlisting the adult-to-adult transactions that are so empowering. This is exacerbated by the fact that the child also forgets that he/she is an adult. It is a very common dynamic that adult children, when in the presence of their parents, actually regress to a former stage of development.”

· Remember that most adult children do not need parenting per se. They need to be in the presence of mature adults who can be wisdom figures. Remember that your child is a budding individual who will learn from trial and error. Do not expect your 20-year-old adult child to carry the knowledge and wisdom of your 50-year-old self.

· Remember the choices we may think of as “mistakes” are really part of the learning curve. Help your offspring accept this and accept their choices (which may carry harsh consequences) as learning opportunities.

· Listen to your adult children and have compassion for what they are undergoing. Try to remember what it was like for you at whatever stage of their life they are in before jumping in with advice-giving.

· Create some clear boundaries with yourself so you can be emotionally supporting without feeling you must rescue your children from the lessons they may be in the middle of learning. This will be most empowering for your children, and this will require great patience on your part.

· Learn to let go of the outcome. If you are involved in your adult child’s life in such a way that you try to orchestrate any outcome, you are probably guilty of projecting your own wants/needs/desires onto your children. Although it seems loving, it may circumvent their independence and personal journey. Each of us must find our own way.

· Many adults are returning “home” as they are unable to find work or otherwise are unable to fully support themselves or their families. In such situations many parents have legitimate and pressing questions on how to “be” with their adults kids. In these situations it is helpful for communication about expectations be forthcoming — clear yet flexible.

· If you get stuck in wanting to “fix” things for your children, try this: Take a quiet breath and then ask in a loving and inquisitive tone: What are you going to do? This pre-empts the idea that the parent is responsible for finding a way out of the quagmire. (Note that this works in other relationships as well.)

Bible Readings

1. Deuteronomy 11:19 ESV

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

2. Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

Small Group Questions

1. Where are your children in the stage of their life/your relationship?

2. Have you considered what you can do to leverage today’s lesson to improve your relationship with your child?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.daytondailynews.com/lifestyle/negotiating-the-stages-of-fatherhood-772163.html

Accountability

1. This would be a good week to talk to your spouse about this lesson – what is your plan?

Author

Rich Delcore

Respect (my wife and) your mother

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

As a child’s independence is developed, mothers are often treated poorly by their offspring. This can be particularly difficult for moms. How do we, as fathers, act to support our wives during this time?

Objective

Each of us goes through a period in our teen years where we begin to establish our independence as an individual. This development of our independence often includes us abruptly distancing ourselves from those we have been very dependant on, most of all, our mothers. Talking back, ignoring, and ultimately condescension of our mothers provide a “safe test” of our ability to be independent, because mothers always “take us back.” We, as husbands and fathers, need to stay involved in this mother-child relationship. We need to let our child know that before their mother was their mother, she was our girlfriend, then our bride. We need to create a family environment that lets the child know that we love and support their mother, and expect them to do the same. With our wives, we must delicately manage the child’s growth and independence, while avoiding a breakdown in relationships.

Bible Readings

1. Sirach 3

Children, pay heed to a father’s right; do so that you may live. For the LORD sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons. He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother. He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the LORD who brings comfort to his mother. He who fears the LORD honors his father, and serves his parents as rulers. In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you; For a father’s blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother’s curse uproots the growing plant.

2. Luke 27-35

He came in the Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and blessed God, saying: “Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel.” The child’s father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2217

As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. “Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Small Group Questions

1. How do you deal with issues of “respect” in your family?

2. Have you discussed with your wife how you will handle disrespect from children?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/teaching-children-respect.html

2. http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/2008/04/12/10-tips-on-teaching-respect-to-children-you-cant-get-it-if-you-dont-give-it/

3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T ….find out what it means to me! Aretha Franklin

Accountability

1. Talk to your wife about how you are or will handle respect issues. One parent handing out punishment and then asking the other for support after the fact can be challenging.

2. Demonstrate to your children that you and your wife are a “team.”

3. Referring to your wife as your “girlfriend” or “bride” changes the perspective of children being disrespectful of your wife….try it.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney / Kevin McDonough

Included Resources

http://www.teach-nology.com/tutorials/teaching/respect/

Respect- How to teach it and how to show it

by Steve McChesney

One of the most important things you can teach your child is respect.

Keep in mind that respect is not the same as obedience. Children might obey because they are afraid. If they respect you, they will obey because they know you want what’s best for them.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, they know what it feels like and begin to understand how important it is.

Keep in mind the saying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Respect is an attitude. Being respectful helps a child succeed in life. If children don’t have respect for peers, authority, or themselves, it’s almost impossible for them to succeed.

A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities, and a respectful child gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it’s unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child?

Be honest – If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.

Be positive – Don’t embarrass, insult or make fun of your child. Compliment them.

Be Trusting – Let your child make choices and take responsibility.

Be fair – Listen to your child’s side of the story before reaching a conclusion.

Be polite – Use “please” and “thank you”. Knock before entering your child’s room.

Be reliable – Keep promises. Show your child that you mean what you say.

Be a good listener – Give your child your full attention.

Children learn from everything we say and do. Make sure that you are modeling respectful behavior. Some of things you can do are:

Obey laws – Follow rules. Be caring – Show concern for people, animals and the environment.

Avoid poor role models – When you see examples of disrespect, discuss them. (more)