Sex in the Marriage, As God Intended It: Meeting Materials

Posted on March 14, 2011 by Anthony Your

Click on the link below for the handout from the meeting.

9 Tips for Spiritual Dry Spells

Posted on March 12, 2011 by Anthony Your

The following list was presented at our last meeting. Read the linked article for the detailed discussion for each tip.

http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/07/9-tips-for-spiritual-dry-spells.html

Make sure you’re not doing anything to block out God’s voice

Keep praying (no, seriously, keep praying)

Receive the sacraments

Read inspiring spiritual books

Make sure there’s not a physical cause

Make sure you’re recharging your batteries

Find a spiritual director

Consider counseling

Research the Christian understanding of spiritual dry spells

10 Ways to Have a Vibrant Marriage

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Anthony Your

Kevin Scott found a great article on All Pro Dad that seems to really reinforce the message from last week.

1. Make a decision and be deliberate:

We tend to do what we want to do. So decide to work on your marriage. Sign a contract with yourself, or with your wife, if that helps, but avoid being haphazard regarding this kind of commitment.

2. Tell your wife you want nothing less than the best marriage possible:

Marriage communication makes all the difference. You made the decision, now speak it out loud. Say it with flowers, or another meaningful gift. There’s power in putting such a commitment into words.

3. Understand that it’s not all about you:

Actively think about marriage as a partnership, and then make sure that you don’t stop at 50% when it comes to giving. The best way to ensure you are loved eloquently is to love your wife with abandon first. Family leadership starts here.

4. Tape this list on your bathroom mirror and commit to it every day:

– I love my wife

– I will work to bring my wife joy today

– I promise to build her up

– I will be an active listener in my marriage today

– I can’t wait to do something creative for my wife today!

5. Call your wife during the day and tell her you love her:

We tend to believe things that are repeated consistently. Take the time to tell your wife how wonderful it is to be married to her—and it will be that wonderful to be married to her.

6. Make your relationship with your wife your first priority:

It’s not about the kids; it’s about the family into which the kids are born. Children are happier when their parents are happy. Finances are better when a married couple communicates. People are physically healthier when they are in healthy relationships, especially healthy family relationships. It’s about the marriage—period!

7. Take turns coordinating one fun couple’s activity every week:

When both partners are active in terms of investing in the relationship, vibrancy is a natural by-product.

8. Schedule “us time” at least once a week, preferably twice:

The fact is that you will be more productive at work if you’re happy at home. Your volunteer work will be more effective if you don’t blow off each other in order to support the PTA or your church. Nurture the core of the family, and the family can reach out from that strength.

9. Never take one another for granted!

This is the most common reason for insipid, mediocre marriages. People just drift apart due to lack of effort. Your marriage relationship is more important than ANYTHING ELSE in which you’re involved. Invest in one another.

10. Go to school:

You’ve heard of the routine physical for your body, or the 12,000 mile service on your car, or how about the annual “well-visit” you schedule for the dog and the cat? Well, get some essential maintenance done on the marriage. Take a seminar, book a session with a counselor, or attend a couple’s retreat through your church. Be a step ahead. Keep the relationship cutting edge. Get vibrant already!

Followup from Doctor Bill and Deacon Dave

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Anthony Your

Dr. Bill Wester and Deacon Dave Shea collaborated on the following note after our meeting last week on Sex in the marriage, as God intended it:

One of the biggest challenges that we, as husbands, will face in our marriages is that of coming to the realization that a problem we are having in our marriage and in our relationship with our wives is beyond our ability to solve on our own; that we need outside professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist. This can be even more daunting when we believe that we need the help of a professional sex therapist.

Can you imagine how our wives would respond if we approached them with something like the following: “I think we have a serious sex problem; I think you have a serious sex problem and we just haven’t been able to deal with it on our own. We need to see a sex therapist.”

Instead, how about a softer less threatening approach where the problem is placed on our shoulders whether we think it’s there or not:

“Just the other Friday, the FATHERS’ Team had a speaker, a psychologist and sex therapist. He answered many of our questions and also indicated that some problems with sex and intimacy are best handled by a therapist. I believe that we have a problem and it concerns me a great deal because I see it hurting our relationship and our marriage. That frightens me. I think that we need this professional help and I really want you to help me and come with me to see a sex therapist. I’m afraid and I’m embarrassed and this is going to be tough, but I think we have to do it. And we can’t do it alone and I need your support. I want us to do this as a couple. I realize I’m asking a lot but I don’t think we can do this without you.”

Sample Letter to Child

Posted on December 9, 2010 by Anthony Your

Hi! I wanted to write you a quick note and also ask you to do something that will really help me.

First, I want to tell you just how proud I am of you! You are a great daughter, sister and a friend to so many. You have the gift’s of being creative, artistic, passionate and honest. Among the many things that you do so well, I really enjoy watching your artistic creativity, the simple little doodle drawings, the photographs and the master pieces such as the ballerina that is hanging in our Family room. You have a real flair for fashion and creativity for trying new foods and for making great meals. It was neat to see you cooking the pasta dinner the other night and knowing you wanted specific items like the Four Cheese Sauce. I am proud of you for trying sports and want to congratulate you on making the Varsity Volleyball for High School. I am proud of you for wanting your friends to hang-out and enjoy watching movies and socializing in the basement. I am proud of your effort in school and know you are going to try harder this year as good grades get you into a great college, plus auto insurance is cheaper for those that have great grades! This school year will be great as a Sophomore, with many new things in store to still try at school. Yes another new thing is you will be driving the car! You have made a big difference in mom & dad’s life! Dad really loves you and wants so much for you to realize your dreams in life.

I also want be a good Dad, but sometimes I don’t always know what to do, so I wrote out some questions that I put in this letter. I know you are a teenager and you will be sixteen in April and things are not like when you were 6. Would you do me a favor and spend some time thinking about the questions, and then answering them for me? I would really appreciate it. I want to spend more time with you and I want you to enjoy it as much as me. I respect you want to hang-out with your friends and that is cool too. But I want to do things that you would really like.

You are a great daughter, and I am proud to be your Dad. If you could answer the questions by this Sunday, give them to me and I will read them or if you just want to tell me the answers in person that is ok too. Then we can begin to talk more about things for this upcoming school year! I’m looking forward to it!

I love you,
Dad

What one thing Dad does really bothers you and you want Dad to stop doing?
What one thing have you wanted to do with Dad, but have never done?
What one thing would you really like Dad to teach you, or tell you, or do with you that he never has?
What have you done with Dad in the past that you really enjoyed, but don’t get to do enough?
What one thing is really on your mind that you want me to know about?

Children Learn What They Live

Posted on September 30, 2010 by Anthony Your

by Dorothy Law Nolte

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Excerpted from the book CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

The poem “Children Learn What They Live”

©Dorothy Law Nolte

Ten Secrets for a Happy, Lasting Marriage

Posted on September 22, 2010 by Anthony Your

Linked below are the handouts from the “How’s your marriage? The real men of IHM respond” meeting.

09-10-10 Marriage Panel Discussion Hand-outs.doc

Bicycle Built for Two

Posted on September 18, 2010 by Anthony Your

Here is the story that I read at the 2010-2011 Covenant Signing:

Bicycle Built for Two (aka The Road of Life)

by Anonymous

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn’t know Him. But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. I t was all I could do to hang on!

Even though it looked like madness, He said, “Pedal!” I worried and was anxious and asked, “Where are you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure, and when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand. I gained love, peace, acceptance and joy; gifts to take on my journey, My Lord’s and mine. And we were off again.

He said, “Give the gifts away. They’re extra baggage, too much weight.” So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it; but he knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten, scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ. And when I’m sure I just can’t do it anymore, He just smiles and says… “Pedal”.