Author Archives: Anthony Your

Shared Dreams

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Summary

You might have dreams. Your wife might have dreams. But do they align? More importantly, do you have some common dreams?

Objective

We got married, bought a house, got a job, had children, etc. and started to do what we had to do every day. We became doers instead of dreamers. Perhaps we need to make time to dream again. Perhaps we need to take time to go beyond our daily routine. A relationship without goals (dreams) or a common vision is subject entirely to external influences, regardless of whether they are desirable or not. Developing dreams as a couple ensures that you always have something common to work towards.

Assess the state of the dreams we have (if any) with our wives. Share a process to help explore, develop, and pursue our shared dreams.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Kings 3:5-15

5 In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. God said: Whatever you ask I shall give you. 6 Solomon answered: “You have shown great kindness to your servant, David my father, because he walked before you with fidelity, justice, and an upright heart; and you have continued this great kindness toward him today, giving him a son to sit upon his throne. 7 Now, LORD, my God, you have made me, your servant, king to succeed David my father; but I am a mere youth, not knowing at all how to act— 8 I, your servant, among the people you have chosen, a people so vast that it cannot be numbered or counted. 9 Give your servant, therefore, a listening heart to judge your people and to distinguish between good and evil. For who is able to give judgment for this vast people of yours?” 10 The Lord was pleased by Solomon’s request. 11 So God said to him: Because you asked for this—you did not ask for a long life for yourself, nor for riches, nor for the life of your enemies—but you asked for discernment to know what is right— 12 I now do as you request. I give you a heart so wise and discerning that there has never been anyone like you until now, nor after you will there be anyone to equal you. 13 In addition, I give you what you have not asked for: I give you such riches and glory that among kings there will be no one like you all your days. 14 And if you walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and commandments, as David your father did, I will give you a long life. 15 Solomon awoke; it was a dream! He went to Jerusalem, stood before the ark of the covenant of the Lord, sacrificed burnt offerings and communion offerings, and gave a feast for all his servants.

2. Luke 14:28-33

28 Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? 29 Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him 30 and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.’ 31 Or what king marching into battle would not first sit down and decide whether with ten thousand troops he can successfully oppose another king advancing upon him with twenty thousand troops? 32 But if not, while he is still far away, he will send a delegation to ask for peace terms. 33 In the same way, everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple.

3. Philippians 3:12-16

12 It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it, since I have indeed been taken possession of by Christ [Jesus]. 13 Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession. Just one thing: forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us, then, who are “perfectly mature” adopt this attitude. And if you have a different attitude, this too God will reveal to you. 16 Only, with regard to what we have attained, continue on the same course.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1605

Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” The woman, “flesh of his flesh,” his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a “helpmate”; she thus represents God from whom comes our help. “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been “in the beginning”: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have individual dreams? Does your wife have dreams?

2. Do you have shared dreams? If so, how did you develop them?

3. How do you review and update your dreams?

Recommended Resources

1. The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly

2. http://www.simplemarriage.net/dream-together.html

3. http://www.goalsettingstrategies.com/goals_for_marriages.html

4. http://marriageisacommitment.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/goals-in-marriage-why-bother/

5. http://www.maritalmediation.com/2011/10/tips-for-setting-goals-with-your-spouse/

Accountability

1. Set aside some time this week to plan a “dream sharing” meeting with your wife.

Author(s)

Steve Frazer (updated from material from Walt Moll, Tony Heekin, & Sean Mullarkey)

Included Resources

Why are Dreams important to me and my wife?

What are your dreams? What are your wife’s dreams? If you don’t know the answer to these questions you have a great opportunity to know yourself and your wife better. Dreams are invisible but powerful. You cannot see them but they keep everything going. Your life may not be easier when you are actively dreaming, but it will be more exciting when you include your dreams in your daily routines.

The heart of every marriage is rooted in communications. When you and your wife have open communications your marriage has the fabric to be strong, happy, and exciting.

To paraphrase Matthew Kelly’s terminology, to be the best version of yourself, and to have the best version of your marriage, get beyond your daily routine. A great way to get beyond your daily routine is to tap into your individual and shared dreams.

So if we are looking for a great way to open additional doors for communications with our wives it seems sharing our dreams is made to order to do just that.

How do I share my dreams?

The first step to initiate sharing dreams with your wife is to get a Dream Book. This is a notebook dedicated to recording and following up on your individual and shared dreams.

Now that you have your Dream Book take some time to write your dreams in the book. You might find it easier to write individually at fires and then discuss your individual dreams. When it comes to your shared dreams, you will probably want to meet together to talk about your dreams as you record them. Organize your Dream Book to meet your needs as a couple.

The most important step is to write your dreams. The process of writing and sharing your dreams helps to make them real, and achievable. To help a new dreamer get started Matthew Kelly suggested these categories.

Physical 5. Psychological 9. Creative

Emotional 6. Material 10. Adventure

Intellectual 7. Professional 11. Legacy

Spiritual 8. Financial 12. Character

Remember, nothing is too wild or wonderful. There are no limitations.

Now that you are meeting with your wife, sharing your dreams; you’ll need to do some prioritization to help you focus on the dreams you agree are most important now. Be sure and schedule your next dreaming meeting as a part of each session.

The process of writing, discussing, and prioritizing your dreams will provide the additional communications SHARED DREAMS promised.

Our Dreams help make us great!

“Never underestimate the power of your dreams and the power of the human spirit.
The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”
– Wilma Rudolph (Olympic Gold Medalist)

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.”
– Anatole France

“A person is not old until their regrets take the place of their dreams.”
–  John Barrymore

“When you write things down, they sometimes take you places you hadn’t planned.”
– Melanie Benjamin
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

“I once had a dream, or should I say, my dream once had me.” –
– Beatles

Here is a form that might help bring dreams to reality. Once you have a dream prioritized as important, you and your wife might take the time to complete this detailed plan.

Dream Detail

What do you want to accomplish? Be specific.

What is the schedule? Set a deadline.

What is the estimated cost?

What action steps do you need to take?

1-

2-

3-

4-

5-

To keep yourself on track remember, why is this relevant?

Live for a Bigger Purpose – It should exist for God

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Summary

Do you have a bigger purpose for your life? Life is better when you have a purpose that goes beyond your own material needs. Living for a higher purpose goes beyond a relationship or a career. It is a reason to be passionate about life, a reason to get up in the morning. It is something to contribute to the world and something that gives you immense satisfaction. It is the kind of thing you want to be remembered for when you die. This does not have to be something massive or earth changing or even particularly charitable. It just has to be something that you are living for beyond your immediate circumstances.

Objective

Anybody can live for a greater cause. We are all great in our own way. It makes you passionate and inspiring. It makes you interesting. Most of all it makes life more fun and worth living. Living a purpose driven and goal driven life is more exciting that sleep walking through life. You can shape the direction and shape the purpose rather than living on someone else’s whim.

How do you discover your real purpose? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist. If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life?

While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type.

2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”

3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.

4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

When the author did this exercise, it took about 25 minutes; and reached his final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity. Here was the author’s final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

One alternative thought associated with purpose was even simpler:

In response to the question, What should I do with my life? There might be only one thing you can do with it, since you came into this life with nothing and you’ll leave with nothing: You can give it away. You’ll feel most on purpose when you’re giving your life away by serving others. When you’re giving to others, to your planet, and to your God, you’re being purposeful. Whatever it is that you choose to do, if you’re motivated to be of service to others while being authentically detached from the outcome, you’ll feel on purpose, regardless of how much abundance flows back to you.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

2. Matthew 6:25-33

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Catechism Readings

3. Paragraph 303

The witness of Scripture is unanimous that the solicitude of divine providence is concrete and immediate; God cares for all, from the least things to the great events of the world and its history. The sacred books powerfully affirm God’s absolute sovereignty over the course of events: “Our God is in the heavens; he does whatever he pleases.”162 And so it is with Christ, “who opens and no one shall shut, who shuts and no one opens.”163 As the book of Proverbs states: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.”164

Small Group Questions

1. Have you thought about your ‘Bigger Purpose’ in life?

2. Where does God and the Church fit into your Purpose?

3. Have you talked about this with your wife?

4. How are you being ‘of service’ to others?

Recommended Resources

1. How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/

2. Live For A Purpose Bigger Than Yourself
http://www.thechangeblog.com/live-for-a-purpose-bigger-than-yourself/

3. 5 Steps That Reveal Your Life’s Purpose
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/douglas-labier/life-purpose_b_1830154.html

4. How to find your life’s purpose
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Your-Life’s-Purpose

Accountability

1. Can you consider doing this purpose exercise this week?

2. Can you partner up with a member of your small group to share the results of the exercise?

Author

Rich DelCore Aug – 2013

Robert H. Castellini 10 Guiding Business Principles

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From Bob Castellini’s presentation about Faith, Family and Business Ethics:

 

 

Principle #1 Have a vision and communicate it

Principle #2 Surround yourself with good people and empower them

Principle #3 Bad partners make bad deals

Principle#4 Let others take the credit

Principle #5 It’s all about the customer

Principle #6 Reputation, reputation, reputation

Principle #7 Tell it like it is

Principle #8 Work smart

Principle #9 Litigation is taboo 99% of the time

Principle #10 Give back

 

In addition, here’s a copy of the Prayers of Saint Bridget

What is the New Evangelization?

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The New Evangelization calls each of us to deepen our faith, believe in the Gospel message and go forth to proclaim the Gospel.  The focus of the New Evangelization calls all Catholics to be evangelized and then go forth to evangelize.  In a special way, the New Evangelization is focused on ‘re-proposing’ the Gospel to those who have experienced a crisis of faith.  Pope Benedict XVI called for the re-proposing of the Gospel “to those regions awaiting the first evangelization and to those regions where the roots of Christianity are deep but who have experienced a serious crisis of faith due to secularization.”  The New Evangelization invites each Catholic to renew their relationship with Jesus Christ and his Church.

 

Here’s the video from the presentation:

 

Empty Nesting – How do you deal with the children moving on?

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Summary

Have your children all gone off to college or moved away for a new career? Perhaps you’re a stay at home parent and you’re sending your last one off to all day school. Changes to the household can be a big change for a parent. You may be spending more time with just the two of you, or have a lot of time alone. How do you prepare yourself for these life changes?

Objective

A lot of the older fathers on the team have experienced or will soon experience an empty house from children going off to college or moving away for work. This can present some wonderful opportunities for you and your wife to get closer. It can also present an awkward silence in the house, bored spouse, and conflict. How do you prepare yourself for a different life-style when you’re so used to being a parent and all that it entails when children are around?

Fathers team has a lot of younger fathers as well, who may be bored by a session dominated by older fathers talking about something they’re far from relating to. However, younger fathers can experience the same issues when all of the children are finally off to school and a stay at home parent is alone for much of the day. Sometimes that’s a blessing! Sometimes that can present a change for one of the parents that we have to deal with.

Use this session to discuss both “empty nesting” and major changes at home related to these life changes.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew 19:13-15

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” After he placed his hands on them, he went away.

2. Matthew 19:23-30

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.

3. Mark 10:6-9

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife], and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2223

Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.”31 Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him.32

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.33

2. Paragraph 2230

When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them – quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

Small Group Questions

  1. Have you experienced an empty nest from children going off to college or moving away? How did you deal with it? Was it a positive or negative experience?
  2. Are you in touch with your wife enough to deal with family changes?
  3. Have you experience the last child off to all day school and the changes that brings?
  4. Are there other major changes in your family life that have led to you and your wife needing to adapt and grow?

Accountability

  1. If you have older children, start thinking about how you and your wife will deal with the changes.
  2. If you have a stay at home parent, how can you prepare for the last child off to all day school?

Author(s)

Dan Lape

Included Resources

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome/MY01976/

Empty nest syndrome: Tips for coping

If your last child is all grown up and about to leave home — or he or she has already moved out — you might be experiencing some mixed emotions. Understand why empty nest syndrome happens and what you can do about it.

What’s empty nest syndrome and why do some parents experience it?

Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis. Instead, empty nest syndrome is a phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.

Although you might actively encourage your children to become independent, the experience of letting go can be painful. You might find it difficult to suddenly have no children at home who need your care. You might miss being a part of your children’s daily lives — as well as the constant companionship. You might also worry intensely about your children’s safety and whether they’ll be able to take care of themselves on their own. You might struggle with the transition if your last child leaves the nest a little earlier or later than you expected — or at a time different from when you did. If you have only one child or strongly identify with your role as parent, you might have a particularly difficult time adjusting to an empty nest.

What’s the impact of empty nest syndrome?

In the past, research suggested that parents dealing with empty nest syndrome experienced a profound sense of loss that might make them vulnerable to depression, alcoholism, identity crisis and marital conflicts.

However, recent studies suggest that an empty nest can also provide parents with many benefits. When the last child leaves home, parents have a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage and rekindle interests for which they previously might not have had time.

How can I cope with empty nest syndrome?

If you’re experiencing feelings of loss due to empty nest syndrome, take action. For example:

Accept the timing. Avoid comparing your child’s timetable to your own personal experience. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she does leave home.Keep in touch. You can continue to be close to your children even when you live apart. Make an effort to maintain regular contact through visits, phone calls, emails, texts or video chats. Seek support. If you’re having a difficult time dealing with an empty nest, lean on loved ones and other close contacts for support. Share your feelings. If you feel depressed, consult your doctor or a mental health provider. Stay positive. Thinking about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your marriage or personal interests after your last child leaves home might help you adapt to this major life change.Can I prevent empty nest syndrome?

If your last child is about to leave home and you’re worried about empty nest syndrome, plan ahead. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life. Keeping busy or taking on new challenges at work or at home can help ease the sense of loss that your child’s departure might cause.

http://catdir.loc.gov/catdir/samples/wiley031/00009169.pdf

RESURVEYING EMPTY NEST ISSUES

Issues and problems in marriage cause you neither success nor failure; it’s how you deal with them that makes a difference, especially in the empty nest. When you are no longer meeting the demands of active parenting, issues will resurface and perhaps loom larger on the landscape of your marriage. So what are those major issues you’ll take with you into the empty nest?

Consider the top ten issues in an empty nest survey taken, number one being the most severe problem area, number two, the next most severe problem, and so on:

Top Issues in the Empty Nest Years

1. Conflict

2. Communication

3. Sex

4. Health

5. Fun

6. Recreation

7. Money

8. Aging parents

9. Retirement planning

10. Children

The top three issues in the empty nest-conflict, communication, and sex-are also among the major problem areas for younger couples. People take their issues along as they transition through the different seasons of a marriage. We observed no overall gender differences that were very strong. However, females tended to say communication was more of a problem than did males, and males tended to say that sex was more of a problem than females reported. (Are you surprised?)

At this stage of life, money issues are not rated as high as for younger couples, but health issues are rated higher. The fact that fun and recreation are rated so high indicates that perhaps couples are having trouble figuring out what to do together that’s enjoyable for both or finding fun things that both will take time out for. For years their shared recreational activities may have been centered around their children, and now they don’t know what to do to have fun together.

How would you rank these issues in your marriage? Think about your relationship: with which issues do you struggle the most?

Supporting Aging Parents

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Summary

As children, our parents made decisions for us, and provided us guidance. When we become adults and parents, our parents become peers and mentors as we raise our own family. As our parents reach old age, they begin to depend on us to give guidance, support, and understanding. This session seeks to explore issues that our parents may be experiencing, how we are engaged and affected, and share ideas and experiences of how to help our parents deal with the challenges, and enjoy their old age as best they can.

Objective

Growing old can be fun and it beats the alternative – early death. However as our parents grow old things change and can cause huge burdens on their daily lives. Perhaps a spouse has died and the remaining parent has to deal with loneliness, new challenges like balancing the checkbook when the other handled finances, or finding people that can relate to their stage in life.

Alternatively, perhaps both parents are still alive, but one requires care from sickness like surgery, Alzheimer’s, or just sedentary ways. It might be easy for us to ship them off to a retirement home and have others deal with them, or you might experience deep guilt in not being able to deal with a parent’s need without external help.

Could you take your father’s car keys away and tell him he can’t drive anymore? Could you tell your mother she has to move out of her home of 30 years or more because she can’t keep up?

How do you and your wife team up with family and friends to support your parents needs when they can’t handle everything they used to? Discuss ways to preserve your parent’s dignity while helping them through their aging and “Golden Years”.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew 25:31-40

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’

Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

2. Leviticus 19:32

Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the old, and fear your God. I am the LORD.

3. Proverbs 10:1

A wise son gives his father joy, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2251

Children owe their parents respect, gratitude, just obedience, and assistance. Filial respect fosters harmony in all of family life.

Small Group Questions

  1. Are you in a situation where your parents need your assistance: financially, daily care giving, illness recovery, disability? How do you help them?
  2. If your parents are younger, do you keep a close relationship to them so that later in life that closeness will keep you together?
  3. Did you or your family do anything proactively to help your parents?

Recommended Resources

  1. http://www.agingcare.com/
  2. ttp://elderhelpers.org/blog/ – blog with some interesting ideas
  3. http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/the-best-life/2011/07/18/10-tips-for-caring-for-aging-parents – financial resources focused
  4. http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-07-13-alzheimers-caregivers_x.htm

Accountability

  1. Make a family care giving plan today:
    http://foundation.aarp.org/Caregiving/?gclid=CI-c18m7mbECFQIQNAodmCWDhA
  2. Take a small step, make an effort to see your parents – or talk to them, more often. Don’t make it awkward when they really need you.
  3. Take the bigger step and ask your parents how they are doing and how you can help.

Author(s)

Dan Lape

Included Resources

Caring for elderly parents catches many unprepared.
http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/basics/story/2012-03-25/caring-for-an-elderly-parent-financially/53775004/1

Last July, Julie Baldocchi’s mother had a massive stroke and was paralyzed. Baldocchi suddenly had to become a family caregiver, something that she wasn’t prepared for.

“I was flying by the seat of my pants,” says Baldocchi, an employment specialist in San Francisco. Both of her parents are 83, and she knew her father couldn’t handle her mother’s care.

The hospital recommended putting her mother in a nursing home. Baldocchi wasn’t willing to do that. But moving her back into her parents’ home created other problems.

Baldocchi, 48, is married and lives about a mile away from her parents. She has a full-time job and has back problems that make it difficult for her to lift her mother. “I couldn’t do it all,” she says. “But I didn’t even know how to find help.”

With help from the Family Caregiver Alliance, she eventually hired a live-in caregiver. “But even if you plan intellectually and legally, you’re never ready for the emotional impact,” Baldocchi says. In the first two months after her mother’s stroke, she lost about 30 pounds as stress mounted.

More than 42 million Americans provide family caregiving for an adult who needs help with daily activities, according to a 2009 survey by the AARP. An additional 61.6 million provided at least some care during the year.

And many are unprepared.

Starting with the paperwork

While many parents lack an advance care directive, it’s the most basic and important step they can take. The directive includes several parts, including: a durable power of attorney, which gives someone legal authority to make financial decisions on another’s behalf; a health care proxy, which is similar to the power of attorney, except it allows someone to make decisions regarding medical treatment; and a living will that outlines instructions for end-of-life care. (For example, parents can say if they want to be kept alive by artificial measures.)

“It’s invaluable for the kids, because it’s hard to make those decisions for a parent,” says Jennifer Cona, an elder-law attorney at Genser Dubow Genser & Cona in Melville, N.Y.

An advance care directive is the first line of defense if a situation arises, says Kathleen Kelly, executive director of the Family Caregiver Alliance, which supports and educates caregivers.

Without an advance directive, the family will have to petition the court to be appointed the parent’s legal guardian, says AgingCare.com.

It’s important for families to talk about long-term care so the adult children know their parents’ preferences, wishes and goals, says Lynn Feinberg, a caregiving expert at AARP. But it’s not an easy conversation.

Elderly parents are sometimes suspicious of their children’s financial motives, says Susan John, a financial planner at Financial Focus in Wolfeboro, N.H. One client asked John to hold a family meeting because they needed an intermediary to talk about financial issues, she says.

And when there are many siblings, the family decisions can become a three-ring circus with much acrimony, says Ann-Margaret Carrozza, an elder-law attorney in Glen Cove, N.Y.

Families who need information and help sorting out disagreements can call on elder-law attorneys, financial planners, geriatric care managers and caregiver support groups. In February, AARP said it will offer its members a new caregiving support service through financial services firm Genworth.

Navigating the long-term care system

Many families are unprepared for quick decisions, especially when they find out that Medicare doesn’t pay for long-term care, Feinberg says.

The median cost of a year in a private room at a nursing home in 2011 was $77,745, according to Genworth. And only those who have spent most of their assets can qualify for Medicaid to pay for the nursing home.

Assisted living is another option. Residents can have their own apartment to maintain some independence. But the facilities generally provide personal care services, such as meals, housekeeping and assistance with activities.

Still, it’s not cheap: The national median cost in 2011 was $39,135, according to Genworth. Assisted living isn’t covered by Medicaid.

If they have a choice, at least 90% of elderly parents prefer to stay at home as long as they can, according to AARP research.

But if the parents can no longer safely live at home, it can be hard for children to move them into an adult care facility.

There may be another option. Sometimes the home can be modified so a parent can stay there. For example, Baldocchi put in a chair lift for her mother. She also arranged for a home caregiver.

The job of family caregivers

Family caregivers take over many responsibilities. One might manage a parent’s finances, while another sibling will take the parent to doctors’ appointments and shopping. Those who move in with a parent take on a significant and sustained burden of care.

Jan Walker moved into her mother’s home in Leesburg, Fla. After her mother, who is 83, had fallen, she wasn’t able to get around as well.

Walker, 55, has three brothers. But she is the only daughter, is divorced and has no children. “I always knew that this was the role that I would have, and I guess my mind was prepared for it,” says Walker, who now is a full-time caregiver and works from home as a tutorial instructor for a digital scrapbooking website.

“When you get into the trenches, it’s literally baptism by fire,” she says. “New things come up. It’s not just about advance planning for finances or medical care. It’s everything,” she says.

Caregivers need to also watch their own health. “There is such a thing as caregiver burnout,” Cona says. Among female caregivers 50 and older, 20% reported symptoms of depression, according to a 2010 study on working caregivers by MetLife.

“It’s a hard job,” Walker says. “But most worthwhile things are hard. She was always there for me when I needed a helping hand. It’s only natural that I be here for her now.”

Technology that can Help the Elderly

http://elderhelpers.org/blog/

Published July 13, 2012 | By elderhelpers

While a lot of technology can simplify seniors’ lives, it can also be intimidating to adopt for people growing up without the same technological innovations that we value today. Some technology gadgets for seniors are particularly popular such as:

Tablet PCs: Many technology companies like Microsoft, Apple and now Google have tablets out that have applications that seniors can enjoy like games, free limited newspaper access, internet surfing and videos.

E Readers: If the elder enjoys reading, but has difficulty seeing the text because of vision problems, E Readers are perfect for them. Some E Readers are designed for simplicity and have the ability to make the text any size so that vision is no longer a problem.

Wii: Video games systems like the Nintendo Wii give seniors the capability of enjoying the same sports that they did when it was safer for them to. The senior and their helper may enjoy activities like yoga, golf, tennis and bowling.

Cell Phones: For older seniors that still prefer the traditional land line telephone, think simple. There are many smartphones out that are unnecessarily complicated and can frustrate seniors when attempting to use them. Pay as you go phones are usually very simple, older models can be easier to use than the newer models.

It does not take very much training to use these devices; today’s technologically savvy youth may be able to give the seniors a thorough overview over any of these electronics. If you would like to find a volunteer to help seniors to use these devices, search for volunteers in your area and sign up.

Religion in the Media

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Summary

Religion in the media… How is it portrayed? Do you think it is accurate? Are there any good places to get the truth in the media about religion? If so, where?

Objective

Scan your favorite newspaper or search your favorite news website on any given day and you will find news about religion. Turn on your TV or scan your radio and you will surely come across news and shows about religion. Is the message positive? Is it negative? Are the sound bytes we hear an accurate portrayal about religion this day in age? Are there good places to visit to get your daily dose of religion in the media?

Bible Readings

1. Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

2. Luke 11:34

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.

3. Psalm 101:3-4

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.

4. James 3:5-11

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. …

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2494

The information provided by the media is at the service of the common good.285 Society has a right to information based on truth, freedom, justice, and solidarity:

The proper exercise of this right demands that the content of the communication be true and – within the limits set by justice and charity – complete. Further, it should be communicated honestly and properly. This means that in the gathering and in the publication of news, the moral law and the legitimate rights and dignity of man should be upheld.286

2. Paragraph 2497

By the very nature of their profession, journalists have an obligation to serve the truth and not offend against charity in disseminating information. They should strive to respect, with equal care, the nature of the facts and the limits of critical judgment concerning individuals. They should not stoop to defamation.

Small Group Questions

  1. What are you hearing about religion every day as you go about your life?
  2. What media outlets do you visit to get your media about religion?

Recommend Resources

  1. http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1905/religion-news-media-2010-islam-mosque-ground-zero
  2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/06/religion-stories-of-2011-_n_1131566.html
  3. http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/index

Accountability

  1. This week try getting your news about religion in one of the places that the group suggested. Try it out and see if you like it.