Dealing with Loss

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

It is inevitable. At some point in most everyone’s life, the pain of the loss of a loved one must be confronted. What do you when you face the numbing loss of a family member or friend? How do you live through it? What must you do to support those who share your grief and move forward with your life?

Objective

Help us to recognize that recovering from the death of loved one takes time and patience. It’s important to remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. Our human nature causes us to grieve, but we as Catholics are comforted in the faith that our loved ones have merely completed their earthly lives and are at peace with their creator.

Bible Readings

1. John 11: 25-26

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

2. John 14: 1 – 4

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where (I) am going you know the way.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1889

In this new universe, the heavenly Jerusalem, God will have his dwelling among men. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.”

2. Paragraph 1932

The duty of making oneself a neighbor to others and actively serving them becomes even more urgent when it involves the disadvantaged, in whatever area this may be. “As you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.”

Small Group Questions

Do you avoid people who are going through tough times because you don’t know how to act or know what to say?
What am I doing to prepare for the passing of a loved one?
What am I doing to prepare for my own passing?

Recommended Resources

“Why Bad Things Happen to Good People” – Harold S. Kushner
http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-support-a-loved-one-through-tough-times
http://www.freewebs.com/kindnesshandbook/ – The Kindness Handbook

Accountability

Think through the reality of losing a friend or loved one and give thought to actions you should take.
Give some thought to losses you have endured and actions that you wish you would have taken.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney / Tony Heekin

Included Resources

1. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

Every now and then life throws you a curve ball. Your best friend gets cancer, your wife loses her job or your daughter breaks up with her first high school love. In these trying times it is important to support your loved one’s and be a rock for them to lean on. But this can be harder than it sounds, especially when you are emotionally affected by the event as well.

In this post I want to show you a few ways to support a loved one through a tough time based on my own experiences. Hopefully it will give you a bit of inspiration for when tough times strike your loved ones.

Dealing with feelings of helplessness

One of the most difficult things about supporting a loved one through a tough time is how utterly helpless you feel. You might be the person’s mother, father, sister or brother – it doesn’t matter – when a loved one is suffering you feel helpless.

Imagine if your spouse was diagnosed with a serious illness tomorrow. This is the person who you have loved and supported for years and years. Someone with whom you have cried, laughed, fought and made love. Someone who has been there for you whenever you were down. And now they are sick. And there is nothing that you can do to change that.

It is a shit feeling.

But it is just a feeling. It is in your head. And it is natural. So let this be a warning to you. When tough times strike someone you love be ready for those feelings of helplessness because they will always arise. But don’t let them get you down. If you let them get you down you won’t be any help to anyone.

How to support a loved one through tough times

Now I would like to get into the bulk of this post and share with you some things I have learned over the years about how to support a loved one through tough times. I am by no means an expert on these matters but it seems like I have spent a considerable part of my life trying to support friends and family who were experiencing some hardship. I’ll try to pass on what I have learned.

Don’t judge

When someone is suffering because of a mistake they have made the last thing they want to hear is your judgments. It really doesn’t help the situation at all and, in fact, can make your loved one less likely to come to you for support.

Let’s look at an example. Let’s say your daughter is in high school and she has just fallen in love with the football quarterback. You think he is a bit of a “player” and you know your daughter is going to end up heart broken. After a few months he cheats on her and she comes home in tears, her heart is broken and life cannot go on. If you decide to say “I told you so” she will never come to you again because she is afraid of being judged. The pain she is going through is lesson, she doesn’t need another one from you.

When people are going through suffering because of mistakes they made it is a bad idea to judge them. Just be there for them and don’t inject your values or opinions in the situation unless they ask for them. 99% of the time they won’t want to hear them.

Don’t make it about you

When I was a young man I was fanatically in to soccer. I played for one of the top teams and took it extremely seriously. I would get up and train at 5am every morning before class and then had training at the club after school four times a week. I lived and breathed soccer. And when the finals came around I became what I now consider to be a bit of a monster. I was crazy. I trained so hard and stressed out so much. So you can imagine how I felt when we lost the grand final because I missed a penalty kick…

I will never forget that day as long as I live. When I see my old soccer buddies they still ask me if I have been practicing my penalties! It burns. And I will never forget sitting in the car with my father after the match and hearing him jabber on for what seemed like an hour about how he had been a great sportsman as a teenager and that even he had made mistakes. I really didn’t want to hear about it.

When I look back I realize that, in his own spastic way, he was just trying to help. But at the time it seemed like he just wanted to talk about how much better he was than me. And it made me really angry. When someone is suffering it is really important not to talk about yourself too much. Even if you have been through something similar to what your loved one is going through it is a good idea just to keep quiet. Make sure you just support them. Don’t make it about you.

Take care of yourself too

If you are going through a long term tough time it is important that you take care of yourself as well. If you neglect to do this you will be a tired and emotional wreck and you will struggle to support those around you.

When someone in your family gets sick everybody goes a bit crazy. They mobilize the relatives, take time off work and run around like headless chickens. And this is understandable. A family illness is one of the toughest things anyone can go through. When something tragic is happening people don’t want to stop and sit down because then their mind will automatically turn to the bad stuff. Keeping busy means keeping distracted. But you have to take care of yourself.

If you are going through a tough time make sure you are sleeping properly. Make sure you are eating properly. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. If you get run down you will be less able to support your loved ones.

Get yourself some support

One important part of supporting a loved one is getting some support for yourself. Many people who are helping people through difficult situations neglect to address this issue. And it is a shame. You cannot do it all alone. You cannot take on everybody’s problems without having an outlet. It is just too difficult. If you try to do it alone you could end up breaking down yourself.

I tried to take on a lot of my family’s problems when I was younger. I tried to be the knight in shining armor that saved the day and I tried to be everybody’s rock. But there was a limit to how much I could handle. There was a limit to how much I could absorb without bursting. It is important to acknowledge these limits.

If you are spending a lot of time supporting a loved one I strongly recommend you go and get some counseling. Don’t be afraid to do this. Counselors are not for crazy people. Counselors are for people who need someone to talk to without having to worry about weighing them down with your problems. If your loved one is suffering you might feel like you can’t talk to them because you don’t want them to have more worry. If this is the case book in to see a counselor and have a chat, debrief and get some advice on how to proceed.

Find a source of inspiration

Something that religious people always say after a tough time is that their “faith” got them through. While many non-religious people may find the notion of relying on “faith” to be off-putting there is an extremely good logic to it. If religion is good for anything it is good for giving one strength. But non-religious people can find other non-theistic sources of inspiration to help them reach the other side.

Some people find inspiration in God. Others find inspiration in the Dalai Lama, Gandhi or Oprah. They rely on these people or the ideals that they represent to give them strength. The strength could come from praying to this figure or by just recalling their example and feeling revitalized. During tough times I always find inspiration in my Bodhisattva Vow. This is a vow I was given by my Buddhist teacher where I promised to spend my life working for the benefit of others. I promised to dedicate every thought, word and action to the benefit of other sentient beings and never to put my own selfish pursuits ahead of the needs of others. This gives me great strength during tough times and I feel has made me better equipped to deal with hardships.

Take some time to find something that inspires you. Inspiration is not just for religious or spiritual people. Basketball players, great leaders, doctors, nurses etc. – they all have sources of inspiration that they rely on when things get tough. Make sure you have one too.

Learn as much as you can

Knowledge is power. It is also a powerful way for you to support someone. The more you know about what they are going through the more supportive you will be able to be.

Imagine your wife or husband has depression but you don’t know much about it. You might take all the symptoms to be attacks on you and just think they are just being moody, grumpy or mean. In actual fact they are suffering from a disease and the mood swings and angry responses are symptoms of their illness and need to be dealt with carefully.

If you educate yourself on the problem, whatever it is, you will find yourself better able to deal with the person and more able to support them. This is one of the best pieces of advice I can give you.

Bring everything back to love

Love is an extremely potent thing when you are feeling terrible. In all situations, whatever your loved one is going through make sure they know they are loved.

When you are depressed, sick or sad the best thing in the world is knowing that someone loves you. It might be someone telling you that they love you or you might see it in the way they look at you or the way they treat you. However it is expressed it is very uplifting to know that you are loved.

Make sure you bring everything back to love when you are supporting a loved one. If you don’t quite know what to do just make sure you love them. Make sure they know you love them. Many times you will find that this, in itself, is enough.

Conclusion

Supporting a loved one through a tough time can be extremely difficult. It can be tiring, emotionally draining and sometimes depressing. But it is in these trying times that we learn who our closest friends and family members are. This is where the true bonding occurs and allows us to take our relationships to new heights.

Getting Through Spiritual Dry Spells

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

Ever feel like you are just going through the motions. Like you are going to church because you know it’s right, but it just isn’t making that special connection. How do you work your way out of it? What can you focus on to bring you back to a rewarding relationship with God and the church?

Objective

It seems like a lot of people go through spiritual dry spells. People sometimes feel apathetic about their relationship with God and/or feel like God’s voice is silent during a difficult time. The objective is to provide some practical tips for getting through times of spiritual dryness.

Bible Readings

1. Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

2. Job 30:20

“I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.

3. Matthew 8:26

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Catechism Readings

Paragraph 2088

The first commandment requires us to nourish and protect our faith with prudence and vigilance, and to reject everything that is opposed to it. There are various ways of sinning against faith:

Voluntary doubt about the faith disregards or refuses to hold as true what God has revealed and the Church proposes for belief. Involuntary doubt refers to hesitation in believing, difficulty in overcoming objections connected with the faith, or also anxiety aroused by its obscurity. If deliberately cultivated doubt can lead to spiritual blindness.

Paragraph 162

Faith is an entirely free gift that God makes to man. We can lose this priceless gift, as St. Paul indicated to St. Timothy: “Wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting conscience, certain persons have made shipwreck of their faith.” To live, grow and persevere in the faith until the end we must nourish it with the word of God; we must beg the Lord to increase our faith; it must be “working through charity,” abounding in hope, and rooted in the faith of the Church.

Small Group Questions

What do you do when you are going through a spiritual dry spell?
Is there some activity, sacrament or inspirational book that helps you get back on track with your spiritual journey?
Have you talked with a priest or spiritual advisor during this time? How has this been helpful?
How has FathersTeam been helpful in this process? How can FT be improved in this regard?

Accountability

Ask yourself – is there anything I am doing to block God’s voice? Take time to reflect on what you have been doing lately.
Have you been praying, receiving the sacraments, going to Adoration etc.?
Are you filling your life with other distractions?

Author(s)

Tony Heekin and updated by John Fahrmeier

Included Resources

From http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/07/9-tips-for-spiritual-dry-spells.html

Make sure you’re not doing anything to block out God’s voice
– Is there specific sin in your life that is blocking you relationship with God?
– Are you holding a grudge against someone?

Keep praying (no, seriously, keep praying)
– Mix up your prayer life a bit. Add the rosary if you are not currently saying it. Pray with your spouse.
– A spiritual dry spell is not the time to start subtracting spiritual practices that you once felt called to do.

Receive the sacraments

– Increase the frequency with which you receive the sacraments of the Eucharist and Confession. As with prayer, it’s tempting to slack off on going to Mass or Confession if it doesn’t lead to an emotional experience, but the sacraments are channels of grace regardless of how we feel when we receive them.

Read inspiring spiritual books
Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire

In the Shadow of His Wings

Come Be My Light

He Leadeth Me

Finding God’s Will for You

10 Prayers God Always Says Yes To

Make sure there’s not a physical cause

-Though we always have free will to turn to God no matter what the circumstances (as I was recently reminded), I’ve found that if I’m staying up too late, constantly eating junk food, not exercising, pushing myself too hard, etc., I’m far more tempted to turn away from God than when I’m feeling good physically — and this alone can lead to spiritual dry spells.

Make sure you’re recharging your batteries
-This is similar to the above, but it’s so important yet so often overlooked that I think it’s worth addressing as a separate point. It is critically important to understand how you recharge your batteries, i.e. knowing what activities give you energy vs. what activities drain your energy.

Find a spiritual director
-Spiritual directors can help you work through questions like, “Am I doing something to block out God’s voice?”, “What could be the purpose for God’s silence in my life right now?”, “How can I keep praying when I feel so unmotivated?” etc.

Consider counseling

-If you think you might have serious unresolved issues in your life that are impacting your relationship with God, you may want to consider finding a Christian counselor to help you gain peace in those areas of your life.

Research the Christian understanding of spiritual dry spells

-If you’ve done all of the above and nothing is better, it may simply be that God is withholding spiritual consolation from you for a reason.

Reconciliation

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

Reconciliation is a Sacrament that many Catholics tend to exclude from their lives. Many of us grew up and “went to confession” because either our parents or teachers told us to. Going to confession was often an uncomfortable act. As a result, many Catholics stopped participating. The Roman Catholic viewpoint on reconciliation is also one of the differences in belief between Roman Catholics and other Christian religions.

Objective

The objective is to re-introduce everyone to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Why do Catholics find it necessary to confess to a priest?
Why is it important to go to reconciliation regularly?
When was the last time you participated in the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
Are there actions that you regret and weigh heavy on you?

The Catholic Church offers a solution – the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Bible Readings

1. John Chapter 21, 21-23

Jesus said to them, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.

2. Matthew Chapter 6, 14-15

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.

3. 1 John Chapter 1, 8-9

If we say, “We are without sin,” we deceive ourselves,^* and the truth is not in us. If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.

4. Matthew Chapter 9:6-8

But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . .” Then he said to the paralytic, “Get up, take your mat and go home.”7 And the man got up and went home. 8 When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to men.

This verse shows that God has given the authority to forgive sins to “men.” Hence, those Protestants who acknowledge that the apostles had the authority to forgive sins (which this verse demonstrates) must prove that this gift ended with the apostles. Otherwise, the apostles’ successors still possess this gift. Where in Scripture is the gift of authority to forgive sins taken away from the apostles or their successors?

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1420

” Through the sacraments of Christian initiation, man receives the new life of Christ. Now we carry this life “in earthen vessels,” and it remains “hidden with Christ in God.”¹ We are still in our “earthly tent,” subject to suffering, illness, and death.² This new life as a child of God can be weakened and even lost by sin.”

2. Paragraphs 1422

“Those who approach the sacrament of Penance obtain pardon from God’s mercy for the offense committed against him, and are, at the same time, reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by their sins and which by charity, by example, and by prayer labors for their conversion.”⁴

3. Paragraphs 1441

” Only God forgives sins.³⁹ Since he is the Son of God, Jesus says of himself, “The Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins” and exercises this divine power: “Your sins are forgiven.”⁴⁰ Further, by virtue of his divine authority he gives this power to men to exercise in his name.⁴¹”

4. Paragraphs 1442

” Christ has willed that in her prayer and life and action his whole Church should be the sign and instrument of the forgiveness and reconciliation that he acquired for us at the price of his blood. But he entrusted the exercise of the power of absolution to the apostolic ministry which he charged with the “ministry of reconciliation.”⁴² The apostle is sent out “on behalf of Christ” with “God making his appeal” through him and pleading: “Be reconciled to God.”⁴³

Additional Information

Why do Catholics find it necessary to confess to a Priest?

The bible verses above demonstrate to need to confess to the successors of the apostles….today’s priest
As Catholics, we believe that the priest is acting “in persona Chisti” (in the person of Christ) during the sacrament of reconciliation. During the sacrament of Reconciliation, we are confessing to Christ….not a man.
The concept of “perfect contrition” – Perfect contrition means that we are sorry for our sins out of love for God and truly sorry for having offended him, not because we fear retribution or going to hell. It is nearly impossible for us as humans to be perfectly contrite. This is evidenced by our continuing to commit the same sins over and over.
Through the sacrament of Holy Orders, the priest is given the authority to forgive our sins even when we are not perfectly contrite.

Why should I go to confession on a regular basis?

· The Church recommends that we go to confession at least once per year or whenever a “grave” sin is committed.

· Going more frequently, every two or three months, helps us identify our “favorite sins”. If you find yourself confessing the same things over and over, you can zero in on problem behaviors and make corrective action.

How do I make a good confession?

Try to find a good Priest to go to regularly. One that is not too tough but not too easy either.
Pray for 15 minutes before going to confession, in front of the Blessed Sacrament if you can.
Concentrate on the Ten Commandments.
If you are not sure if something is a sin or not, it probably is. Confess it!

Small Group Questions

Have you had a bad reconciliation experience? If so, what happened?
Have you recall a good reconciliation experience? If so, what made it special?

Recommended Resources

http://catholicism.about.com/od/beliefsteachings/p/Why_Confession.htm

http://www.patheos.com/Resources/Additional-Resources/Ten-Reasons-to-Go-to-Confession-Sist…

http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2012/04/deacon-bickerstaff-catholic-response-to-comm…

Accountability

Commit to going participating in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Author

Ken Mai & Tony Heekin

Included Resources

http://catholicism.about.com/od/beliefsteachings/p/Why_Confession.htm

The Sacrament of Confession

By Scott P. Richert, About.com Guide

Common Misunderstandings:

Confession is one of the least understood of the sacraments of the Catholic Church. In reconciling us to God, it is a great source of grace, and Catholics are encouraged to take advantage of it often.

What is Confession?

What is its purpose and its effects?

What are its requirements?

Can we confess our sins directly to God, or must we go through a priest?

Confession Is a Sacrament:

The Sacrament of Penance, commonly called Confession, is one of the seven sacraments recognized by the Catholic Church. Catholics believe that all of the sacraments were instituted by Jesus Christ himself. In the case of Confession, that institution occurred on Easter Sunday, when Christ first appeared to the apostles after his Resurrection. Breathing on them, he said: “Receive the Holy Spirit. For those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; for those whose sins you retain, they are retained” (John 20:22-23).

The Marks of the Sacrament:

Catholics also believe that the sacraments are an outward sign of an inward grace. In this case, the outward sign is the absolution, or forgiveness of sins, that the priest grants to the penitent (the person confessing his sins); the inward grace is the reconciliation of the penitent to God (which is why the sacrament is also sometimes called the Sacrament of Reconciliation).

The Purpose of Confession:

That reconciling of man to God is the purpose of Confession. When we sin, we deprive ourselves of God’s grace. And by doing so, we make it even easier to sin some more. The only way out of this downward cycle is to acknowledge our sins, to repent of them, and to ask God’s forgiveness. Then, in the Sacrament of Confession, grace can be restored to our souls, and we can once again resist sin.

What Is Required?:

Three things are required of a penitent in order to receive the sacrament worthily:

He must be contrite—or, in other words, sorry for his sins.

He must confess those sins fully, in kind and in number.

He must be willing to do penance and make amends for his sins.

How Often Should You Go to Confession?:

While Catholics are only required to go to Confession when they are aware that they have committed a mortal sin, the Church urges the faithful to take advantage of the sacrament often. A good rule of thumb is to go once per month. (The Church strongly recommends that, in preparation for fulfilling our Easter Duty to receive communion, we go to Confession even if we are aware of venial sin only.)

The Church especially urges the faithful to receive the Sacrament of Confession frequently during Lent, to help them in their spiritual preparation for Easter.

Why Is Confession Necessary?:

Non-Catholics, and even many Catholics, often ask whether they can confess their sins directly to God, and whether God can forgive them without going through a priest. On the most basic level, of course, the answer is yes, and Catholics should make frequent acts of contrition, which are prayers in which we tell God that we are sorry for our sins and ask for His forgiveness.

But the question misses the point of the Sacrament of Confession. The sacrament, by its very nature, confers graces that help us to live a Christian life, which is why the Church requires us to receive it at least once per year. Moreover, it was instituted by Christ as the proper form for the forgiveness of our sins. Therefore, we should not only be willing to receive the sacrament, but we should embrace it as a gift from a loving God.

2. Posted by Sr. Mary Ann Walsh
http://www.patheos.com/Resources/Additional-Resources/Ten-Reasons-to-Go-to-Confession-Sist…

Confession: It puts you straight with everyone

Penance, aka confession, is the sacrament of the forgiveness of sin. You can’t beat it for convenience. It’s available practically whenever. Tell a priest you want to go to confession and you’ll get his attention. One bishop I know was cornered on an airplane. Another passenger figured out what was going on and asked if he could confess too. It must have been an interesting game of musical seats. An interesting question for priests might be: Where was the strangest place you ever administered the sacrament of penance? The answers I’ve gathered include “in a sports bar, at a graduation party” and “on the golf course, walking up the fairway.”

Confession has benefits. Here are ten:

Confidentiality guaranteed. There’s nothing like confessing your sins to someone guaranteed not to tell anyone else. Sometimes you need to talk in absolute confidence. Even under subpoena, a priest can’t tell anyone what’s said to him in confession. He can’t even hint at it. Now that’s confidentiality.

Housekeeping for the soul. It feels good to be able to start a clean life all over again. Like going into a sparkling living room in your home, it’s nice when clutter is removed – even if it’s your own.

A balm for the desire for revenge. When you have been forgiven you can forgive others. If the perfect Jesus forgives me, who am I to want to avenge the slights in my life. Think: “Why did they promote him over me?’ or “Mom played favorites!”

Low cost therapy. It’s free, which makes it cheaper than a psychiatrist for dealing with guilt.

Forced time to think. Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. To examine our lives and acknowledge failings marks the first step of making things right with God, others and ourselves. Life can be more worth living when you ponder the meaning of your own life.

Contribution toward world peace. Gaudium et Spes, the Second Vatican Council’s Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, said that the imbalances in the world that lead to war and tensions “are linked with that more basic imbalance which is rooted in the heart of man.” Peace of soul leads to peace of heart leads to peace beyond oneself.

A better neighborhood. Confession leaves you feling good about yourself, thereby cutting back the inclination to road rage and aggressive shopping cart driving. With the grace of the sacrament you’re energized to, as Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, “go and sin no more.”

Realistic self-perception. Confession helps overcome arrogance when you have to admit you’re as much of a sinner as anyone else. It helps build tolerance for others’ perceived shortcomings

One more benefit of being Catholic. There are lots of benefits, including a sense of community, liturgical rites to help us encounter God in prayer, and the wonderful sense of humanity exemplified in the saints, from Mary, the loving Mother of God, to Augustine, the exasperating son of Monica. The sacrament that leads us to inner peace is among the greatest boons.

Closeness to God. Confession helps you realize that you have a close connection to God and receive his grace through the sacraments. What can be better than knowing God’s on your team, or, to be less arrogant about it, that you are on God’s.

3. A Catholic Responds – Five Common Protestant Objections to the Sacrament of Confession
Deacon Mike Bickerstaff
http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2012/04/deacon-bickerstaff-catholic-response-to-comm…

In discussing the Catholic faith with non-Catholics, the doctrine concerning confessing one’s sins to a priest often arises. Indeed, in my experience, the Sacrament of Reconciliation ranks right up there with Marian Dogmas among the Church’s teachings that prompt the most questions from those inquiring about the Catholic Faith. The following objections to the doctrine are those about which I am most often asked to respond.

Objection #1 – Only God can forgive sin.

Catholics teach that a priest can forgive sin, but a priest is only a man. Isn’t it true that only God can forgive sin? I don’t mean in a way that any of us can forgive one another, but in the way that God forgives and saves us.

Reply to Objection #1:

It is true that only God can forgive sin (on His own authority). But, God has chosen to delegate that authority. When a priest with faculties to absolve sin says the words of absolution during Confession, he forgives the penitent’s sins by the power and authority of Christ conferred to that priest through Holy Orders. The priest thus acts in the person of Christ (in persona Christi).

Christ delegated this authority to his priests much in the same way that any higher authority delegates its authority to its ambassadors and others who represent the higher authority.

Objection #2 – The bible does not teach that a man can forgive sin.

What you said seems to me to be a man-made explanation, not God’s teaching. Show me where you find this in the bible.

Reply to Objection #2:

That men are delegated the authority from God to forgive sin on his behalf is clearly a part of Divine Revelation. Two passages show this ambassadorial relationship.

“And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.’ At that, some of the scribes said to themselves, ‘This man is blaspheming.’ Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, ‘Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’ – he then said to the paralytic, ‘Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home.’ He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings.” (Matthew 9:2-8, emphasis added)

“So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. And all this is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:17-20, emphasis added)

There are two means by which sin is forgiven through the agency of man according to the bible.

a) Through Baptism

Before a person is baptized, he is guilty of Original Sin and, if baptism occurs after the age of reason, of personal sin. When a person is baptized, all personal sin, Original Sin and the punishments due to sin are wiped clean. The baptized believer is thus born again and receives the grace of justification. Protestant terminology says that this person is justified and saved. Catholic terminology says that this person’s soul is in the state of Sanctifying Grace. Not all Protestants believe that baptism is necessary to be justified and saved. But the following passages demonstrate the truth of the Catholic teaching.

Christ commanded his apostles to baptize.

“The eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them. When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted. Then Jesus approached and said to them, ‘All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.’” (Matthew 28:16-20)

Baptism is a condition of salvation.

“He said to them, ‘Go into the whole world and proclaim the gospel to every creature. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved; whoever does not believe will be condemned.’” (Mark 16:15-16, emphasis added)

Peter preached that repentance and baptism is for the forgiveness of sin.

“Peter (said) to them, ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’” (Acts 2:38, emphasis added)

Peter teaches that baptism saves the believer.

“For Christ also suffered for sins once, the righteous for the sake of the unrighteous, that he might lead you to God. Put to death in the flesh, he was brought to life in the spirit. In it he also went to preach to the spirits in prison, who formerly did not obey, when God’s patience waited in the days of Noah, during the building of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were saved through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” (1 Peter 3:20-21, emphasis added)

Ananias instructs Paul that baptism will wash away his sin.

“A certain Ananias, a devout observer of the law, and highly spoken of by all the Jews who lived there, came to me and stood there and said, ‘Saul, my brother, regain your sight.’ And at that very moment I regained my sight and saw him. Then he said, ‘The God of our ancestors designated you to know his will, to see the Righteous One, and to hear the sound of his voice; for you will be his witness before all to what you have seen and heard. Now, why delay? Get up and have yourself baptized and your sins washed away, calling upon his name.’” (Acts 22:12-16, emphasis added)

b) Through Confession of Sin to God’s minister (a priest)

Baptism does not remove a person’s inclination to sin (called concupiscence by Catholics). Therefore, it is likely that a baptized believer will personally sin after baptism. Some of those sins might be so grave that they result in the loss of Sanctifying Grace. God does not pretend that this does not happen. Instead, in his mercy, God has provided an ordinary means for such a sinner to appeal to him for forgiveness and a restoration of grace, similar to when he was first saved through Baptism.

Jesus gave his Apostles the authority and power to forgive sin as documented in John 20. Some Protestants will argue that this pertains to preaching the Gospel and that forgiveness results from the faith of the believer alone. The argument goes, “The gospel is preached, those who accept it are forgiven their sins, those who don’t have their sins retained.” Of course this is not at all what the text says:

“On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, ‘Peace be with you.’ When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.’ And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, ‘Receive the holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.’” (John 20:19-23, emphasis added)

Paul speaks of the ministry of reconciliation and the ambassadorial relationship he exercises.

“So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. And all this is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:17-20, emphasis added)

How is the believer reconciled to God? The passages above clearly show the involvement of God’s ministers in the process of reconciliation. More is required than faith or belief alone. James makes this point in his epistle:

So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead. Indeed someone might say, “You have faith and I have works.” Demonstrate your faith to me without works, and I will demonstrate my faith to you from my works. You believe that God is one. You do well. Even the demons believe that and tremble. (James 2:17-19, emphasis added)

Objection #3 – But I don’t need a priest, I can go directly to God and ask forgiveness.

I have a personal relationship with the Lord. I often go to him in prayer, asking him to forgive my sins. Why would I need a priest to get in the way?

Reply to Objection #3:

Anyone, of course, can go directly to God and pray for forgiveness. Indeed we should do so as soon as we are aware of having sinned. But the Church teaches and the scriptures support that God desires people to confess to him through his priests.

The Jewish leaders persisted in accusing Jesus of forgiving sins. And Jesus admitted that he did. The above passage from Matthew 9 demonstrates that Jesus did so in his human nature, having authority from God. In the above passage from John 20, Jesus states specifically that he was passing on this ministry and authority, given him by the Father, to his apostles. People of his day denied that Jesus had this power. It is no wonder that some in our day deny that his priests have this power.

Whether or not one understands the why… the what and how are clear. God desires it, so we should do it.

Objection #4 – If you are saved, nothing more is required.

When a person is saved, he cannot lose his salvation. All of your arguments presume that one can lose salvation.

Reply to Objection #4:

This reveals a misunderstanding of how we are saved. First, the sacraments are not works of men, but of God who works through his sacraments. It is no more a work for a person to present himself for baptism or to confess his sins to a priest than it is for a person to answer an altar call in a protestant service or to pray the Protestant’s “Sinner’s Prayer”.

Second, a person must do more than believe to be saved, he must do something… cooperate with God’s grace in some way… be baptized… seek forgiveness from God in the way that God desires… (see above passages). God’s loving call to us demands our response. Our baptism and our sacramental confessions are simply necessary components of that response as are our acts of faith, hope and love.

Third, salvation can indeed be lost. When we accept God’s invitation through belief and baptism, we are justified (receive Sanctifying Grace) and have begun the process of salvation through an ongoing conversion. It is possible to reject this freely offered gift of salvation from God through future sin. If we lose this grace, we once again accept his call through sacramental confession. The notion of “once save, always saved” is not only not found in scripture, we are warned against believing in such a thing.

“Now I am reminding you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you indeed received and in which you also stand. Through it you are also being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you, unless you believed in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:1-2, emphasis added)

“All this I do for the sake of the gospel, so that I too may have a share in it. Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win. Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one. Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing. No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:23-27, emphasis added)

“Therefore, whoever thinks he is standing secure should take care not to fall. No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:12-13, emphasis added)

“Now I am speaking to you Gentiles. Inasmuch then as I am the apostle to the Gentiles, I glory in my ministry in order to make my race jealous and thus save some of them. For if their rejection is the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead? If the firstfruits are holy, so is the whole batch of dough; and if the root is holy, so are the branches. But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, a wild olive shoot, were grafted in their place and have come to share in the rich root of the olive tree, do not boast against the branches. If you do boast, consider that you do not support the root; the root supports you. Indeed you will say, ‘Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in.’ That is so. They were broken off because of unbelief, but you are there because of faith. So do not become haughty, but stand in awe. For if God did not spare the natural branches, (perhaps) he will not spare you either. See, then, the kindness and severity of God: severity toward those who fell, but God’s kindness to you, provided you remain in his kindness; otherwise you too will be cut off.” (Romans 11:13-22, emphasis added)

Objection #5 – Evidence shows that Catholic Sacraments do not work.

Confession is nothing more than a permission slip to keep on sinning. People keep on sinning after going to Confession, so it doesn’t work. Same with the Sacrament of the Sick – people are anointed but die anyway. Doesn’t this prove that your sacraments are not effective?

Reply to Objection #5:

In regards to the Sacrament of the Sick, the Church does not teach that it is a guaranteed remedy for bodily illness. While it may be God’s will to heal bodily illness through the sacrament on some occasions, it is also a sacrament that heals our spiritual sickness and prepares us for death. It is clearly illustrated in scripture.

“Is anyone among you sick? He should summon the presbyters of the church, and they should pray over him and anoint (him) with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven.” (James 5:14-15)

In regards to the sacrament of Confession, it is taught that the grace of the sacrament helps the person to avoid future sin; it is not taught that the sacrament is a guarantee against all future sin. The Sacrament of Confessions is no more a permission slip to keep on sinning than is what Protestants mean by “accepting Jesus and one’s personal Lord and Savior”.

Letting Our Children Fail

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

No one wants to let their child fail. It can be one of the hardest and rewarding things we do for our children. When do we let them fail? How do we be there for them without being there for them too much?

Objective

Have you ever looked at some of the things that are going on in your kids’ lives and wondered why they are doing something or the other? You may wonder why they just won’t listen to you and gain knowledge from your experience. Have you thought that maybe God is allowing these situations in our children’s lives in order for them to become what He desires for all of us? If we constantly bail our children out when they get in trouble from their own device or if we constantly monitor and control situations and their environment to keep them safe, they will never gain all of the above. So when we as parents always say that it seems our kids must learn the hard way, remember that this is not only true but it is by design.

Perhaps we should teach them godly ways and allow them the freedoms appropriate to age to make their own decisions but don’t interfere with the natural consequences if they are hard on them. Create a godly home and expose them to a godly lifestyle but don’t manipulate in order to control certain outcomes. Even though our kids’ tribulations may often be of their own doing, God can still use these times to foster dependence on Him and a desire to live a godly life if we stay out of the way.

When we rescue them we really do them a disservice because we not only cheat them out of a spiritual growth experience but also a regular life experience. So the next time your son or daughter is bent on finding something out on their own, let them. Don’t hold back or stand in the way of any natural consequences that come from it. God has a purpose for disobedience; let Him pursue it.

Bible Readings

1. Romans 11:30-32

For as you were once disobedient to God, yet have now obtained mercy through their disobedience, ³¹even so these also have now been disobedient, that through the mercy shown you they also may obtain mercy. ³²For God has committed them all to disobedience, that He might have mercy on all.

2. Proverbs – Chapter 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

3. Ephesians 2:12-13

Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2206

The relationships within the family bring an affinity of feelings, affections and interests, arising above all from the members’ respect for one another. The family is a privileged community called to achieve a “sharing of thought and common deliberation by the spouses as well as their eager cooperation as parents in the children’s upbringing.”

2. Paragraph 2207

The family is the original cell of social life. It is the natural society in which husband and wife are called to give themselves in love and in the gift of life. Authority, stability, and a life of relationships within the family constitute the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity within society. The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.

Small Group Questions

Think of a time when you let your child fail. Discuss the outcome with the team.
Think of a time when you wished you let your child fail but you didn’t. Discuss the outcome with the team.

Recommended Resources

· http://g12studyjournal.blogspot.com/2008/08/let-your-kids-fail-sometimes.html

· http://www.sinaitemple.org/learning_with_the_rabbis/writings/LettingOurChildrenFail0222.pdf

Accountability

Is there an opportunity to let your child fail in the near future? Think about what they would learn from this lesson.

How to be Happy in Life

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

God wants us to be happy.

Objective

While researching this subject it became clear that true happiness comes from the continued study of the word of God. By studying the bible, reading it daily, discussing it openly with Christian brothers and putting his word into action, we can move closer to the abundant and happy life that Christ wants to give us.

The Greek word translated “blessed” means “blissfully happy”. The Lord Jesus promises that real, lasting happiness, along with God’s provision of all our essential needs, will be ours, if we “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness”, Matthew 6-33. That search is through reading God’s word and earnest prayer to Him.

Bible Readings

1. Phil 4:11-12

For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

2. Romans 15:13-14

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. John 13-17

For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you… If you know these things, happy are you if you do them.

4. Job 36:11

If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

5. Psalm 118:24

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2548

Desire for true happiness frees man from his immoderate attachment to the goods of this world so that he can find his fulfillment in the vision and beatitude of God. “The promise [of seeing God] surpasses all beatitude. . . . In Scripture, to see is to possess. . . . Whoever sees God has obtained all the goods of which he can conceive.”

2. Paragraph 1818

The virtue of hope responds to the aspiration to happiness which God has placed in the heart of every man; it takes up the hopes that inspire men’s activities and purifies them so as to order them to the Kingdom of heaven; it keeps man from discouragement; it sustains him during times of abandonment; it opens up his heart in expectation of eternal beatitude. Buoyed up by hope, he is preserved from selfishness and led to the happiness that flows from charity.

3. Paragraph 45

Man is made to live in communion with God in whom he finds happiness: When I am completely united to you, there will be no more sorrow or trials; entirely full of you, my life will be complete (St. Augustine, Conf. 10, 28, 39: PL 32, 795}.

Small Group Questions

What are some ways to be happy today?
What are some things that we can control that will make us happy?
How can we better prepare our children for a life of happiness?
Share your thoughts on happiness amongst the group.

Recommended Resources

http://www.googlesyndicatedsearch.com/u/catholicity?s=happiness&q=happiness+site%3Awww.catholicity.com%2Fcatechism%2F
http://www.bibleed.com/bibleteachings/christianlife/happiness.asp
Our Happiness by Matthew Kelly
http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2010/09/our-happiness/
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=+Romans+15%3A13-14&version=NIV
The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly
http://www.matthewkelly.org/bookstore/the-rhythm-of-life
The Four Levels of Happiness REV. ROBERT SPITZER, S.J.

Accountability

Make a commitment to study the bible on a regular basis and grow closer to Christ.
Make a commitment to serve others within and outside of your family and live the life of “doing unto others”.
Study the 5 steps in attached article.

Author(s)

Dave Karsten and Michael Copfer

Included Resources

1. Five Steps to Better Mental Health – According to St. Paul by Msgr. Charles Pope
http://blog.adw.org/2012/07/five-steps-to-better-mental-health-according-to-st-paul/

Step I. Rejoice in the Presence of the Lord – The text says, Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your moderateness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Step II. Rely on the Power of the Lord – The text says – Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition…present your requests to God.

Step III. Remember the Provision of the Lord – The text says, with thanksgiving,

Step IV. Rest in the Peace of the Lord – And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Step V. Reflect on the Plan of the Lord – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.

Shared Dreams and Communications

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

What are Dreams?

Remember when you were kids, young adults, and you could spend hours on the phone with your sweetheart talking about nothing in particular? Perhaps that was a form of dreaming.

But then we finished school, got married, bought a house, got a job, had children, etc. and started to do what we had to do every day. We became doers instead of dreamers. Perhaps we need to make time to dream again. Perhaps we need to take time to go beyond our daily routine. Perhaps it’s time for you and your wife to open/reopen these creative channels in your lives. These areas that take you beyond the everyday can be defined as “Dreams”.

Objective

To emphasize the importance of of making shared plans with your spouse. Before you know it you will be looking at an empty nest. Don’t wait until then to talk about your plans.

Bible Readings

1. Kings 3:5-15

“At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.” Solomon answered… ‘Give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?’ The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.” Then Solomon awoke—and he realized it had been a dream.”

2. Luke 14:28-33

For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. …

Additional Information

Why are Dreams important to me and my wife?

What are your dreams? What are your wife’s dreams? If you don’t know the answer to these questions you have a great opportunity to know yourself and your wife better. Dreams are invisible but powerful. You cannot see them but they keep everything going. Your life may not be easier when you are actively dreaming, but it will be more exciting when you include your dreams in your daily routines.

The heart of every marriage is rooted in communications. When you and your wife have open communications your marriage has the fabric to be strong, happy, and exciting.

To paraphrase Matthew Kelly’s terminology, to be the best version of yourself, and to have the best version of your marriage, get beyond your daily routine. A great way to get beyond your daily routine is to tap into your individual and shared dreams.

So if we are looking for a great way to open additional doors for communications with our wives it seems sharing our dreams is made to order to do just that.

How do I share my dreams?

The first step to initiate sharing dreams with your wife is to get a Dream Book. This is a notebook dedicated to recording and following up on your individual and shared dreams.

Now that you have your Dream Book take some time to write your dreams in the book. You might find it easier to write individually at fires and then discuss your individual dreams. When it comes to your shared dreams, you will probably want to meet together to talk about your dreams as you record them. Organize your Dream Book to meet your needs as a couple.

The most important step is to write your dreams. The process of writing and sharing your dreams helps to make them real, and achievable. To help a new dreamer get started Matthew Kelly suggested these categories.

1. Physical 5. Psychological 9. Creative

2. Emotional 6. Material 10. Adventure

3. Intellectual 7. Professional 11. Legacy

4. Spiritual 8. Financial 12. Character

Remember, nothing is too wild or wonderful. There are no limitations.

Now that you are meeting with your wife, sharing your dreams; you’ll need to do some prioritization to help you focus on the dreams you agree are most important now. Be sure and schedule your next dreaming meeting as a part of each session.

The process of writing, discussing, and prioritizing your dreams will provide the additional communications SHARED DREAMS promised.

Our Dreams help make us great!

“Never underestimate the power of your dreams and the power of the human spirit.
The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”
– Wilma Rudolph (Olympic Gold Medalist)

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.”
– Anatole France

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true…..
(You’ve Got Mail)

The dreams of people may differ, but everyone wants their dreams to come true.
Not everybody aspires to be a bank president or a nuclear scientist,
but everybody wants to do something with their life that will give them pride and a sense of accomplishment.
And America, above all places, gives us the freedom to do that.
We have the freedom to reach out and make our dreams come true.
– Ronald Reagan

“When you have a really great dream, get up and go for it.”
– Larry Page

“It’s never too late to accomplish your dreams.”
– Jim Morris (The Rookie)

“A person is not old until their regrets take the place of their dreams.”
– John Barrymore

“When you write things down, they sometimes take you places you hadn’t planned.”
– Melanie Benjamin
Write down your dream, make your bucket list,
follow through.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

Stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. Dare to dream the impossible. Work your dreams into reality

“I once had a dream, or should I say, my dream once had me.” –
– Beatles

Here is a form that might help bring dreams to reality. Once you have a dream prioritized as important, you and your wife might take the time to complete this detailed plan.

Dream Detail

What do you want to accomplish? Be specific.

What is the schedule? Set a deadline.

What is the estimated cost?

What action steps do you need to take?

To keep yourself on track remember, why is this relevant?

Small Group Questions

Do you discuss your plans and dreams with your spouse on a regular basis?

Accountability

The first step to initiate sharing dreams with your wife is to get a Dream Book. This is a notebook dedicated to recording and following up on your individual and shared dreams.

Author

Walt Moll & Tony Heekin

Recommended Resources

Reference: The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly

http://www.simplemarriage.net/dream-together.html

http://www.goalsettingstrategies.com/goals_for_marriages.html

Balance in Our Life: What can we learn from St. Benedict and Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta?

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

Are you in control of your day? The Rule of St. Benedict offers wisdom into balancing our life and ministering to our body, mind and soul. Can you work for ten hours a day and keep a joyful smile? Why are the Missionaries of Charity founded by Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta able to work ten to twelve hours a day with the poor and still keep a joyful smile?

Objective

The family is called “the domestic church” and thus might also be called “the domestic monastery.” Given the busy lives that we lead, can we gain balance in our lives by looking at The Rule of St. Benedict; as well as, the daily schedule used by Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

Benedict was a genius at understanding human nature. While he calls the monks to an austere life of work, prayer and study (sacred scripture), he also realizes that people need affection, understanding and love. One of the most famous of Benedict’s lines is that nothing in the monastic life should be “harsh or burdensome.” The monastic life is meant to be possible, and for it to be possible, Benedict calls for the strict expectations to be balanced with forgiveness, understanding and compassion. Benedict’s model abbot (the superior of a monastic community) is a wise, compassionate and forgiving father to his sons. As such he is a perfect model for Christian fathers.

Bible Readings

1. Luke 18:1

Then he told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary.

2. Ecclesiastes 3:1-13

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the sons of men to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man’s mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; also that it is God’s gift to man that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1

“God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength.

2. Paragraph 2745

“Prayer and Christian life are inseparable, for they concern the same love and the same renunciation, proceeding from love; the same filial and loving conformity with the Father’s plan of love; the same transforming union in the Holy Spirit who conforms us more and more to Christ Jesus; the same love for all men, the love with which Jesus has loved us. “Whatever you ask the Father in my name, he [will] give it to you. This I command you, to love one another.”

He “prays without ceasing” who unites prayer to works and good works to prayer. Only in this way can we consider as realizable the principle of praying without ceasing.

Small Group Questions

What takes priority in your daily schedule?
Do you schedule prayer and/or Mass in your day?
Are you ministering to the three aspects of your human person: Body, Soul and Mind through Work, Prayer and Study?

Recommended Resources

“Saint Benedict for Busy Parents”, by Father Dwight Longenecke
http://www.kofc.org/un/en/resources/cis/cis327.pdf
“Finding Balance: Insights from Benedict for Family Life”
http://www.stpaulsmonastery.org/7-benedictine-center/documents/FamilyLife.pdf

Accountability

Which is most out of balance in your life: body (work), mind (study sacred scripture) or soul (prayer) and what can you add to your daily schedule next week to increase it?
If you only attend Mass on Sunday, try going to daily Mass one day a week for the next four weeks.

Author(s)

Michael Copfer

Included Resources

“St. Benedict and the Wood-Chopping Way”, by Father Dwight Longenecker, 9/4/2009

http://www.ncregister.com/site/article/st._benedict_and_the_wood-chopping_way/

Part of article included below:

Benedict’s rule balances physical work with prayer and reading. For Benedict, prayer was essentially the liturgical prayer of the Divine Office. The monks go into church seven times a day to sing the Psalms, pray for the world and worship the Lord. The word liturgy actually means “work of the laity,” so their observance of the liturgical life was also part of their work. In this way, their prayer was their work, and because they are encouraged to pray while they work, their work becomes prayer.

This integrated life — in which prayer is work and work is prayer — is completed by the third aspect: reading or study. In a time when books were scarce, the monks in St. Benedict’s day would have spent their reading time memorizing not only all of the Psalms, but also great portions of other Scripture and selections from the great spiritual writers.

This threefold balance of work, prayer and reading is a practical approach to a balanced life, but it also has a deeper significance. The three aspects of the Benedictine life reflect the three parts of the human person. Work ministers to our bodies. Prayer ministers to our souls. Reading ministers to our minds. Only when we have a balance of all three will we be able to develop as completely well-rounded human persons.

The threefold balance of Benedict helps us address our imbalance. Therefore, the individual who focuses only on the physical aspect of life is missing part of his development. The intellectual is incomplete if he ignores the physical and spiritual, and the person who is focused on nothing but prayer is also lacking in a development of the whole person.

If we want to observe the wisdom of St. Benedict, we will examine our own lives and try to make up for what is lacking, and the way to do that is to bring to mind which one of these three we find most difficult or unpleasant. If we find reading and study to be a bore, unfortunately, that’s where we need to do some work. If physical work is not to our liking, then we need to engage in some “wood-chopping therapy.” If we find prayer difficult, then prayer is what we need to spend more time on.

The final result of this threefold balance is that the whole person is being renewed. This is the final aim of the Christian life, as St. Paul writes to the Ephesians, to “grow up into the full manhood of Jesus Christ.” The final goal is to be transformed into the image of Christ — to become a living icon of the incarnate Lord, who was himself a perfectly balanced harmony of body, mind and spirit.

St. Benedict’s rule is deceptive in its simplicity. While it calls for the monks to engage in work, prayer and reading, all the time Benedict has his eyes on this higher goal. The entire activity in the monastery is not an end in itself, but a means to an end. St. Benedict says the monastery is “a school for the Lord’s service.” In other words, it is the environment in which souls can be sanctified.

How might we apply this same wisdom to our lives outside the monastery? As a husband and father — yes, you heard right; I am a convert to the Catholic faith from the Anglican priesthood — it is part of my responsibility to catch this threefold vision for my family, the domestic church. I need to make sure my children are engaged in the work that is required around the home. Suddenly, the kitchen duties, keeping their bedrooms clean, helping around the house, mowing the lawn and raking leaves all have a deeper significance.

Similarly, study or reading is important. In the modern world, this might include more than just book knowledge. It includes watching good films together, going to the theater to see good plays and opera, and helping the children read a whole range of uplifting, inspiring and challenging literature.

Finally, I must be actively involved in encouraging the family to pray on a regular basis. Seven times a day for liturgical prayer is not possible, but maintaining the discipline of grace before meals and prayer at the beginning and end of the day all help to continue the tradition of prayer as one of the aspects of the threefold balance.

As we develop the threefold balance, we will move to that place where, St. Benedict says, “We do all these things which were once duties because they are now our desire.” When we get to that point, we will “run in the path of God’s commandments, our hearts overflowing with an inexpressible delight of love.”

2. Mother Teresa’s Daily Schedule for the Missionaries of Charity:

The passages below are quotations of Mother Teresa from the book “Loving Jesus,” edited by Jose Luis Gonzalez-Balado

1. OUR DAILY SCHEDULE:

To be able to give life like that, our lives are centred on the Eucharist and prayer. We begin our day with Mass, Holy Communion, and meditation.

Our community life is very closely-woven together. We do everything together: we pray together, we eat together, we work together.

Since we have only two saris, we wash one every day.

After Mass and breakfast, some Sisters go to the Home for Dying Destitutes, some to the leper colonies, some to the little schools we have in the slums, some take care of the preparation and distribution of food, some go to visit needy families, some go to teach catechism, and so on. They go all over the city (in Calcutta alone we have fifty-nine centres, the Home for Dying Destitutes is only one of them).

The Sisters travel everywhere with a rosary in their hands. That is the way we pray in the streets. We do not go to the people without praying. The rosary has been our strength and our protection.

We always go in twos, and we come back around 12:30 p.m. At that time we have our lunch.

After lunch, very often we have to do housework.

Then, for half an hour, every Sister has to rest, because all the time they are on their feet.

After that, we have an examination of conscience, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, and the Via Crucis, “The Way of the Cross”.

At 2 p.m., we have spiritual reading for half an hour, and then a cup of tea.

At 3 o’clock, the professed Sisters again go out. (Novices and postulants remain in the house. They have classes in theology, Scripture and other subjects, such as the rules of monastic orders.)

Between 6:15 and 6:30 p.m., everybody comes back home.

From 6:30 to 7:30 we have adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. To be able to have this hour of adoration, we have not had to cut back on our work. We can work as many as ten or even twelve hours a day in service to the poor, following this schedule.

At 7:30 p.m., we have dinner.

After dinner, for about twenty minutes, we have to prepare the work for the next morning.

From 8:30 until 9, we have recreation. Everybody talks at the top of her lungs, after having worked all day long.

At 9 p.m., we go to the chapel for night prayers and to prepare the meditations for the next morning.

Once a week, every week, we have a day of recollection. That day, the first-year novices go out, because they are the ones who don’t go out every day. Then all the professed Sisters stay in for the day of recollection. That day we also go to confession and spend more time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.

This is a time when we can regain our strength and fill up our emptiness again with Jesus. That’s why it is a very beautiful day.

2. The Family and the Poor:

We read in Scripture that God speaks of his love for us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3). And he also says, “I have called you by your name. You are mine. The waters will not drown you. Fire will not bum you. I will give up nations for you. You are precious to me. I love you. Even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand. You are precious to me. I love you.” (Isaiah 43:1—4; 49:15—16).

These are the words of God himself for you, for me, for everyone, even for the poorest of the poor. For he has created us for greater things: to love and to be loved. He wants us to love one another as he loves us.

Let us stop for a moment to think about the tenderness of God’s love for us. There are thousands of people who would love to have what you have. And yet God has chosen you to be where you are today to share the joy of loving others.

To make this love more real, more loving, more living, he gives himself as the Bread of Life. He gives us his own life. He wants us to love one another, to give ourselves to each other until it hurts. It does not matter how much we give, but how much love we put into our giving.

In the Constitution of the Missionaries of Charity, we have a beautiful part which speaks of the tenderness of Christ, and also of his faithful friendship and love.

To make that love more living, more sure, more tender, Jesus gives us the Eucharist. This is why it is necessary for every Missionary of Charity to feed upon the Eucharist in order to be a true carrier of God’s love. She must live on the Eucharist and have her heart and life woven with the Eucharist. No Missionary of Charity can give Jesus if she does not have Jesus in her heart.

3. REASON TO BE HAPPY:

Why are the Sisters always smiling?

Because we are not social workers. We are trying to be contemplatives in the heart the world. We have chosen to be Missionaries of Charity, to be carriers of God’s love.

We have no reason to be unhappy.

How can that be?

If the words of Jesus are true, “I was hungry, I was sick, I was naked, I was homeless, and you it to me” (Matthew 25:40), then we are touching him twenty-four hours a day.

So you, in your lives, in your own homes, can be in his presence twenty-four hours a day, if your lives are woven with prayer and sacrifice.

4. SHARE THE JOY OF LOVING:

What does it mean to be a co-worker with the Missionaries of Charity? A co-worker is a person or a family where there is love, peace and joy. If you have no peace and love in your own family or your own heart, how can you give it to others?

Love, to be true, has to hurt. I hope you will learn that in your lives and share the joy of loving, because a co-worker is someone who loves God. If you love God, then you will love those around you. Then there will be joy, love and peace in your families. Then you will become carriers of God’s love.

We will be very blessed to have the joy this love brings of working together and making our work a prayer.

With Jesus, for Jesus, to Jesus. With God, for God, to God.

That way we are praying to God, not just doing our work.

When you are cooking, washing clothes, working hard in the office, do it all with joy. That will be your love for God in action!

How to talk about and manage money within your family

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

Money issues can drive a wedge between husband and spouse and can be a source of conflict among siblings, and between parents and children. How we deal with money often sets the stage for relationships and how we live our lives.

Objective

Each man should leave the meeting with a better appreciation of the role of money in his life, how it can be better managed with his spouse with proper communication and prioritization, and how broader family relationships can be affected by money issues.

Bible Readings

1 Timothy 6:6-10

Indeed, religion with contentment is a great gain.

For we brought nothing into the world, just as we shall not be able to take anything out of it.

If we have food and clothing, we shall be content with that.

Those who want to be rich are falling into temptation and into a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge them into ruin and destruction.

For the love of money is the root of all evils, and some people in their desire for it have strayed from the faith and have pierced themselves with many pains.

Matthew 25:14-30

“It will be as when a man who was going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them.

To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one–to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. Likewise, the one who received two made another two. But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money.

After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them.

The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’

(Then) the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’

Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.’ His master said to him in reply, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant and gather where I did not scatter? Should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return? Now then! Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten.

For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraphs 2402-2406

In the beginning God entrusted the earth and its resources to the common stewardship of mankind to take care of them, master them by labor, and enjoy their fruits. The goods of creation are destined for the whole human race. However, the earth is divided up among men to assure the security of their lives, endangered by poverty and threatened by violence. The appropriation of property is legitimate for guaranteeing the freedom and dignity of persons and for helping each of them to meet his basic needs and the needs of those in his charge. It should allow for a natural solidarity to develop between men.

The right to private property, acquired or received in a just way, does not do away with the original gift of the earth to the whole of mankind. The universal destination of goods remains primordial, even if the promotion of the common good requires respect for the right to private property and its exercise.

“In his use of things man should regard the external goods he legitimately owns not merely as exclusive to himself but common to others also, in the sense that they can benefit others as well as himself.” The ownership of any property makes its holder a steward of Providence, with the task of making it fruitful and communicating its benefits to others, first of all his

Goods of production – material or immaterial – such as land, factories, practical or artistic skills, oblige their possessors to employ them in ways that will benefit the greatest number. Those who hold goods for use and consumption should use them with moderation, reserving the better part for guests, for the sick and the poor.

Political authority has the right and duty to regulate the legitimate exercise of the right to ownership for the sake of the common good.

2. Paragraph 2429

Everyone has the right of economic initiative; everyone should make legitimate use of his talents to contribute to the abundance that will benefit all and to harvest the just fruits of his labor. He should seek to observe regulations issued by legitimate authority for the sake of the common good.

Small Group Questions

Have you openly discussed and agreed with your spouse about the management of money?
Have you agreed to a proper balance of spending, saving, giving, indebtedness, investment risk-taking and other factors?
How much is “keeping up with the Jones” operative in your family?
How do your siblings or grown children handle their money? Do differences here contribute to tension within your families?

Included Resources

1. How to Stop Fighting With Your Spouse About Money
http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2008/01/23/how-to-stop-fighting-with-your-spouse-about-money/

Many sources cite money as the number one cause of marital strife. Some of you probably know this from first-hand experience. I can relate, too. My wife and I are very close, but money has always been a touchy subject, and unfortunately has led to a more than a few “disagreements”.

Last year, we decided to get control of our money instead of allowing our money to control us. I did extensive reading and research, and we began to put some changes into place. Since then, we’ve learned what works for us and what doesn’t. We are not experts, but I will say this: since we began this journey, we haven’t once fought over our money.

Here are seven actions you can take today to stop fighting with your spouse about money. They worked for us, and they’ll probably work for you.

Be a team: There is no “I” in “Team”
Between talking with people and listening to callers on The Dave Ramsey Show, I’m surprised by the number of married people who talk about their finances and converse as if their spouse doesn’t even exist: “When I do the budget”, “When I pay the bills”, “I am working two jobs to provide extra income”, “I…I…I”.

Shouldn’t they be saying “We”? With so many “I”s everywhere, it’s no wonder couples are fighting — they aren’t communicating! The best way to manage your finances is together. Create your financial plan together, do the bills together, review your net worth together. If you do anything related to your finances, make sure your spouse is involved and has a say so in the decision process.

Develop a budget — together!
From personal experience, one cause of fights (or “fussing”, as we call it in the South) is one spouse spending what the other spouse considers too much money. This is generally a problem when the couple is already fairly tight on finances, or when one spouse is far more frugal than the other.

To resolve this issue, create a budget together. It’s not important how you do it or what method you use, but that you create the budget together. If both spouses don’t have input in the budget, they won’t “have any skin in the game”. Both should provide input on the numbers and be part of the process.

Hold weekly budget review meetings
If one spouse is doing all of the finances, it’s very difficult for the other spouse to know the current financial state. Even with a budget, a lack of communication can make it difficult to know how much is left in the “grocery category” or the “entertainment category”.

To solve this problem, pick one night of the week to review your finances. Pick a time when you and your spouse can devote 15-30 minutes without interruption. For us, this is after our younger children are in bed. I generally update our finances daily, but I always make sure the budget is updated before our meeting.

I print a copy of the budget that shows the amount we allocated for each category and how much we have remaining. We review each category and discuss the amounts remaining and any expected expenditures for the week. If we are short in one area and over in another, we move the money around. If we are just short, we either decide to cut back and not spend, or we pull the funds from the emergency fund.

Review your finances frequently. Communicate. You’ll be amazed at the difference a little communication makes.

Establish an emergency fund
The most important thing you can do to keep your finances under control — and to avoid using credit cards and going into debt — is to establish an emergency fund. Nothing stresses a couple more than running out of money before all the bills are paid. Even worse is having the air conditioner or the car break down without money to get it fixed.

Establish a $1000-$2000 emergency fund and put it in a high-interest savings account. The emergency fund will cover those unexpected expenses. The key is that each spouse must agree to not touch these funds without the other’s agreement. This keeps the emergency fund from being used to buy big-screen TVs or designer pocket books.

It’s okay to make mistakes
Being the detailed geeky type that I am, when we first started budgeting, I wanted the budget to be perfect. I wanted us to follow it perfectly. While discussing our finances one night, I found that my wife hated the budgeting process. After some discussion, I realized it wasn’t the budgeting process she hated, but how I handled it.

The budget isn’t going to be perfect. It should get better as you do it more, but it will never be perfect. That’s okay. If you are off, just move the money around. If you overspend, tap the emergency fund — just be sure to put the money back. You’ll find that the longer you follow a budget, the easier and more accurate it becomes.

Like everything else, it’s a journey. If you’re like us, just having a budget will be a huge leap in the right direction.

Agree to hold each other accountable
After we agree on the budget for the upcoming month, my wife and I do a pinky shake. Is this a little silly? Sure, but it works for us. Every time I am in the store and see some new shiny electronic gadget I want, that pinky shake reminds me of the commitment I made. That little shake makes me question if I need the item or not. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked out of a store empty-handed because of that little shake.

The point is to think of something both of you can do to commit to each other. That little reminder is worth its weight in gold.

Get out of debt
Debt is a dark cloud that follows you constantly. Debt puts pressure on your finances, and ultimately on your marriage. Getting out of debt will give you financial freedom and peace of mind. If you are in debt, stop getting further in debt right now. If you have credit cards, shred them. Is your car payment way too high? Sell it and buy something you can afford. Is your mortgage beyond your means? Sell the house.

Once you have stopped going further into debt, begin aggressively paying what you owe. My wife and I started this process about six months ago, and it’s brought us closer together.

What do you do to keep from fighting over your finances? Have you used any of these ideas? Have they worked for you? Kris and I mostly keep separate finances, so our approach is different. I’m curious to hear what works for people with joint accounts.

2. Money and Marriage — Persuading Your Spouse to Save
http://www.passionsaving.com/money-and-marriage.html

She loves you.
Now you know that can’t be bad.

–The Beatles, “She Loves You”

Marriage and Money: Suggestion #1 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Keep Your Expectations in Check.

Understand that your spouse has a different personality than you and takes in information in different ways. Don’t expect what works for you to work for your spouse.

It will probably take some for you to figure out what works for your spouse. Try to exercise patience.

Managing your money well is in many ways akin to managing your diet well. All of us who have tried to lose weight have had moments when we wished that results could be obtained more quickly. When I have one of those moments, I remind myself that weight isn’t usually put on quickly either, and that that reality will help lock things in after the weight is taken off. It’s like that with saving. Learning to save effectively takes time, but provides benefits for a long time to come. Approaches that generate quick results are suspect.

Marriage and Money: Suggestion #2 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Keep Money Issues in Perspective.

Saving is important. I wouldn’t have devoted so many years of my life to studying it if I didn’t think it were a topic of great importance. I learn all the time of still more reasons for seeing saving as important.

It’s not the only important thing, however. Don’t let your desire to help your spouse learn how to save more effectively cause a rift in your marriage. Do not do this. Do not do this. Do not do this.

You are asking your spouse to change. That’s difficult. Always keep in mind that you are asking something hard of your spouse.

Don’t quit, though. Pushing too hard is a mistake. Pushing too soft is a mistake too. When you find yourself pushing too hard, remind yourself what the marriage means to you. When you find yourself pushing too soft, remind yourself what the marriage means to you.

Huh?

You will hurt the relationship if this matters and you drop it because you encounter some resistance. You have a need to have a spouse that manages his or her money more effectively. And your spouse has a need to have a spouse that pushed him or her to manage his or her money more effectively. Helping your spouse is part of the deal. Giving up isn’t helping.

Apply only so much pressure, but do apply some pressure. I mentioned that this improvement project is hard on your spouse. It’s hard on you too. The hard part for you is knowing just how much to push.

You need to rely on all of your knowledge of what makes your spouse tick to figure that one out. There is no such thing as a pure money topic. Successful money steps are money steps taken with an appreciation of how the money issues in question relate to other aspects of your quest to make something meaningful out of your life.

Money questions matter. Non-money questions matter too.

Marriage and Money: Suggestion #3 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Watch for the Miscommunication That Goes With Being in Love.

Everyone wants to manage his or her money effectively. I mean, come on.

The reason why you are hearing resistance to your ideas is that your spouse hears the words you say as signifying something other than what they signify for you.

You say: “I want to know that we will have enough money to be able to retire.” Your spouse hears: “I want you to give up on some of your crazy dreams and start being more responsible and boring.”

You say: “Do you really need to pay $3 for coffee everyday?” Your spouse hears: “I don’t think of you as being so special that you deserve extravagant treats just for showing up at work.”

You say: “I’m worried that we have so little to fall back on if you lost your job.” Your spouse hears: “I don’t have confidence in you.”

Does the fact that your spouse hears things in such scrambled-up ways mean that he or she is a doofus? Oh, no. It means that this guy (or gal) is in love with you!

A guy (or gal) who is in love with you can’t stand to think that he (or she) is letting you down in any way. It’s often not possible to talk with a spouse with as much ease as you can talk to a friend because your spouse is so much more than a friend. The more caring that is there, the more delicate is the communication issue.

Marriage and Money: Suggestion #4 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Let Your Spouse Do it His or Her Way.

Some people cannot tolerate the idea of being given a set amount of spending money for the month. Some people are just fine with the idea. Don’t assume that because you cannot stand it your spouse cannot stand it either. If that is what works for him (or her), use that.

Some people save by cutting out luxuries. Some people really enjoy luxuries and cannot bear the idea of giving them up. Perhaps your spouse can listen to pleas to spend less on luxuries, but not to pleas to give them up altogether. Perhaps you could frame your saving arguments in such a way as to persuade your spouse that saving effectively allows you both to enjoy more luxuries over the course of your lives.

You’re trying to change your spouse and that’s always a delicate business. Make the changes being suggested as palatable as possible by designing them in ways that makes sense to your spouse.

Marriage and Money: Suggestion #5 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Make It Romantic.

The saving quest is a romantic quest.

There was something I read about divorce once that made an impression on me. The author of the book I was reading noted that couples that divorce can never look at their photo albums in the same way again. All of the pictures have that person in them, or some friend or relative of that person, or were taken in a place you went to with that person.

The photo album problem is hardly the biggest problem that comes with divorce. There’s a sense in which it is a very big deal, though. We look at photo albums to review our progress through life. We feel weepy when we look at our high school yearbooks because we think back to the challenges we faced back then with the knowledge that we have overcome some of them that we thought we would not be able to overcome and we have failed to overcome some others that we thought we would be able to overcome. Our lives are a story. Every day we write the book on our romantic quest to make our lives mean something.

The point of saving is to become able to do more exciting things with your life. So many money advisors miss this. It’s a point of critical importance. It’s the reason why saving, properly understood, is not at all a boring business. It’s exciting stuff.

Your spouse is your partner in your romantic quest and you are her (or his) partner in her (or his) romantic quest. Use this.

Budgets are sexy. True fact. Spend three hours going through each item in your budget and talking over how that money could be put to different uses so that both of you can make more of your lives and you are going to close the budget binder turned on about the idea of spending some quiet time with your spouse.

Please do try this at home. Budget sex is great sex.

Marriage and Money — Suggestion #6 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Celebrate the Victories.

Each step forward creates momentum. Saving effectively gets easier and easier and easier over time. It’s like running. It’s boring the first time because you are out of shape. It’s fun after you get good at it.

Don’t get greedy when your spouse makes progress. You don’t want to be a nag pushing for more. Remember the importance of patience. Let your spouse enjoy the satisfaction that comes with having made some progress. Have confidence that the wheels will begin to turn on their own power if you give them a chance.

At some point, your spouse will be asking questions about ways to save even more effectively. That will happen when he or she begins to think of the saving idea as his (or her) idea. If you nag, this never happens. If it happens, the wagon starts picking up speed quickly.

Marriage and Money — Suggestion #7 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Don’t Let It Become a Chore

The single biggest reason why many people are not able to save effectively is that saving has come to be viewed in such negative terms. Saving is for tightwads. Saving is for misers. Saving is for losers. Saving is for the timid.

Don’t sell it that way.

Saving is spending less on some things so that you can spend more on other things. Saving is spending less at some times so that you can spend more at other times. Saving, properly understood, is always about making better choices and obtaining greater value from a limited pool of earnings. Saving is buying freedom, and freedom is cool.

If your spouse has doubts about this, use some of the savings to finance a splurge. Make saving enjoyable. Think about diets again. You lose more weight on a diet that never again permits you to eat ice cream. Except for one thing. You don’t stick with a diet that never again permits you to eat ice cream.

You want your spouse to sign on to a spending plan that will last for a long time. There’s got to be some pleasure in it for that to happen.

Marriage and Money — Suggestion #8 for Persuading Your Spouse to Save — Do Your Part Regardless of What Your Spouse Does.

If you are denying yourself some things you would like to spend money on because you see the importance of saving and your spouse is not doing the same, you are going to feel temptations to give up the cause because it is not working out in a way that is “fair.” That’s mixed-up thinking.

First of all, you might persuade your spouse over time if you continue the fight on your own. If the spouse who believes in saving gives up, the battle is lost for good.

Second, you will not feel good about yourself if you go along with a spending program that you do not believe in just because it is the only way to get on the same track as your spouse. You want to lift your spouse up, you do not want to permit your spouse to pull you down.

Things change. The trick is being properly positioned when the change comes. Someday, someway, sometime, your spouse will show interest in saving. You want to be as well-developed in your saving habits as you can possibly be when that day comes.

Don’t you end up being the spouse that caused the partnership’s saving dream to fail.

With a love like that
You know you should be glad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Strategies for Keeping Your Kids or Grandkids Catholic

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

A child’s faith trajectory is fairly established by the time they reach 14 years of age. Young adults are considered one of the most un-churched generations. The challenge is to help young people experience Catholicism as fulfilling their spiritual hunger. What can we do to help our children and grandchildren nurture and remain active in their faith?

Objective

Children tend to follow the faith of their parents. Roman Catholic families have traditionally had a passive approach to educating their children about the Catholic faith, delegating the responsibility of teaching our faith to others (teachers, schools, priests, nuns, etc.). As fathers, we have a critical role in establishing the importance of faith in our families. Our children look to us for guidance. We have a narrow window of time to influence their beliefs and establish the faith as an important part of their lives. The powerful memories that we give our kids will sustain them and give them roots, when temptations of the world challenge them.

Bible Readings

1. Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

2. Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

3. Matthew 19:13-14

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people; but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2223

“Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them.”

2. Paragraph 2228

“Parents’ respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.”

Small Group Questions

What type of spiritual example are you setting for your children?
Do you pray with your kids?
What events/things do you do with your kids to put faith in action?
Have you ever read “YOUCAT” or done a Bible study with your kids?

Recommended Resources

“8 Strategies for Keeping Your Kids Catholic”, by Robert McCarty, 2008 Liguori Publications (Most of pamphlet included below)
Strong Catholic Families, Strong Catholic Youth by Michael Theisen (National Federation for Catholic Youth Ministry):
http://www.diojeffcity.org/Ministries/ChristianEd/ReligiousEd/Strong%20Catholic%20Families/A2FamilyFaithResourceBookBWrevised.pdf
“Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers”, by Christian Smith and Melina Lundquist Denton, 2009
“Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults”, by Christian Smith and Patricia Snell, 2009

Accountability

Set a positive image and be your child’s spiritual example.
Review the 8 strategies with your wife and look for ways to be engaged with your kids regarding putting the faith in action.
Conversation starters about faith and religion you can use with you kids:

Where do you most experience the presence of God?
Where or when do you pray best?
What characteristics of Jesus are you most attracted to?
What is the best part of belonging to our parish?
What is the one thing you would change about our parish?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is going to Mass on Sunday for you? What makes it that number?
Have you ever had an experience where your faith was really tested?
Have you ever had an experience where your faith has really helped you?
Who do you consider to be a genuine person of faith?
What church teaching most confuses you?
How is your faith different now from when you were younger?
What experiences, places, or persons have really fostered your growth in faith?

Author(s)

Michael Copfer and Ken Mai

Included Resources

8 Strategies for Keeping Your Kids Catholic, by Robert McCarty, 2008 Liguori Publications

1. Practice and Participate:

Contrary to popular opinion, the Number 1 influence in the faith life of young people is the faith life of their parents. Young people really do mirror the faith life of their parents, so the way we practice our religion is very important. Our participation is Sunday Mass and other special liturgical celebrations, as well as our active involvement in the life of the parish, shows our children that our religion is a significant part of our lives. In addition to Mass attendance, we can participate in retreats, Bible study groups, church organizations and ministries, or adult catechesis sessions.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, invite them to go with you – even if it’s just on a special holy day or anniversary. They may decline, but your invitation will remind them that Mass is a meaningful part of your life and that you wish to share your faith with them.

2. Model Our Faith:

In addition to worshiping with our children, we can have a great impact on the faith of young people when our faith guides our daily routines and interactions. Faith should influence our lifestyle choices, use of time, how we handle conflicts, the relationships we form, and even how we handle work issues. It may sound trite, but the two most obvious challenges to the practice of faith in real life are how adults drive their cars and how they behave at sports events! Our spontaneous reactions in emotional situations can reveal to others whether our faith and values influence our behavior.

So we might ask ourselves: Do we pray at home in the evening? Before family meals? In restaurants? Do we remember people who are less fortunate in our prayers? Do we pray for our children’s intentions? For their friends? Do we model forgiveness and reconciliation in our lives by admitting when we are wrong and forgiving others who hurt us? How do we handle crises such as death, divorce and illnesses? Does our faith impact how we celebrate Christmas, Easter, or other holy days? Do we volunteer our time and talent to ant service organizations or civic programs? All of these situations are part of life. Our young people watch to see if faith makes sense to us, if faith works for us. They are looking for a faith that provides meaning in all areas of their life, not just on Sundays.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass on Sunday, model your Catholicism at all times and in all settings.

3. Include Young Adults:

What a blessing it would be if all our young people were greeted by name when they walked through the church doors! We begin to meet their hunger for connection by welcoming them on Sunday and fostering their participation in the faith community. A sense of belonging is a very strong bond.

These experiences begin with the parish young adult ministry program. Young adults need to gather with their peers right in their own church. They need opportunities to build community with their peers, to feel connected with other faith-filled persons, and to interact with caring, believing adults. Parents should encourage their young adult’s participation in appropriate parish activities Parishes must be intentional in including young adults in their liturgical, pastoral, and leadership ministries. We can’t wait until young people ask or volunteer: we must actively invite them into responsible participation in the life, work and mission of the faith community.

Of course, the experience of community goes beyond the local Church. Gathering with other young adults through national groups such as Theology on Tap or at diocesan or international events like World Youth Day will give them a sense of belonging to something bigger. One of the main benefits of these events is that participants connect with their peers from other regions and cultures. It helps bring home the truth that they are part of an important and inclusive global community.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, help them experience their membership in the greater Catholic family. Encourage them to be involved in liturgical ministries and invite them to be leaders in parish programs.

4. Doing Faith:

One of the most important characteristics of the spirituality of young adults is their need to “do faith.” Actions inspired by faith are powerful experiences. Perhaps the most profound experience of doing faith is involvement in justice and service projects. Serving in soup kitchens, participating in a work camp, working in a community shelter program or emergency-outreach center, tutoring children, or participating in public events for justice can have a significant impact on the faith of young adults and respond to their hunger for justice.

Similarly, young people “do faith” when they participate in retreats, pilgrimages, or public Stations of the Cross. These can be moving experiences of faith in action, too. All of these experiences are even more powerful when young adults and their parents participate in events together.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, encourage them to “do faith” through their participation in service to the community, in parish ministries and in special liturgical events.

5. Learning Opportunities:

Young adults do need to know the traditions, creed, teachings and stories of our faith community. They need to know the story of Jesus and the gospel message. Many are genuinely interested in reading and understanding Scripture. They need to know to know what it means to be Catholic, and they want to learn how to participate in the rituals and worship of the Church. The faith community needs to be a safe place where young adults can bring their questions and where they can search with others for answers that make sense, meet their needs and provide meaning and purpose in their lives.

Further, our young people need to know about that unique dimension of our faith often described as our Catholic “imagination.” Catholics “see” the world differently. Through our sacramental lens, we encounter a world filled with God’s presence. Our traditional practices, our use of images, our symbols, and our rituals provide an avenue to an encounter with an imminent, loving God.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, find opportunities for them to learn more about their faith through Bible study, faith-sharing groups, or other diocesan programs-and offer to go with them!

6. Prayer Skills:

Young adults need both personal and communal experiences of prayer. They can be creative and enthusiastic when they are invited to compose original prayers or spiritual poems that incorporate their favorite music and symbols. Often they are very open to traditional contemplative Catholic approaches to prayer, such as the Ignatian exercises, which enable them to connect with Spirit within.

They should also be encouraged to participate with the faith community in worship experiences, sharing in the Catholic community’s understanding of God, our traditions, our unique rituals and our ways of prayer. This “both/and” approach to the personal and communal dimension fosters their experience of prayer as the outpouring of their relationship with God and deepens their faith.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, talk with them about personal prayer and the value of praying together at Mass.

7. Faith Sharing:

As young adults search for a personal understanding of God, they must be able and encouraged to look for God’s presence in their lived experiences. Young adults should be assisted in naming their experience of a God who is active and present in their lives. God does not wait to be invited into the lives of young people. God takes the initiative and is present, but God waits to be identified or named. Many young adults need language to help them understand and express their experiences of God.

Parents and other caring, faith-filled adults can assist young adults in identifying God’s presence in their joys and sorrows, in their hopes and dreams and in their day-to-day lives. Of course, this requires that we have the language to name the presence of God in our own lives. We can ask our young adults where they experience God, where they pray best, where they feel joy and sorrow, for God is present there. And we can share our own experiences.

This faith sharing is a very important task because young people will never understand the Hebrew-Christian Scriptures until they can read the Scriptures of their own lives. Therein young adults experience the God who is always active and resent. And we should be open to having our own understanding of God challenged and perhaps deepened by our young adults’ experience of God.

If you want young adults to go to Mass, ask them questions about their faith life.

8. Compelling Adventure:

At the heart of their spiritual hunger is the desire of young adults for a compelling vision of life that provides a genuine sense of meaning and purpose-a noble adventure worthy of their commitment. The Catholic Church inherited the noble adventure and compelling mission of Jesus Christ-to build the reign of god-to make the world better for all people.

Participation in this spiritual adventure requires a community of companions also committed to thus mission-that is, the Church. There is also a need to celebrate this adventure regularly-that is, at Mass. At its best, liturgy is a spiritual drama that tells the story of Jesus and connects that story with building the reign here and now.

If you want your young adults to go to Mass, call them to a compelling adventure worthy of their lives.

Knowing God’s Will

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Anthony Your

Summary

Christ taught us that knowing God’s will and living in obedience to that will is the key to it all! God is the potter; we are the clay. God keeps us spinning on His potter’s wheel, shaping and reshaping us as He bathes our lives in tears to make us more Christ-like so He can use us for His will. Surrender daily. Keep your clay moist through daily prayer – prayer that’s in accordance to His will.

Objective

Our job, our purpose is to understand and live in God’s will and not be selective when times get tough.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew 7:21

Not everyone who says to me “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

2. Matthew 12:50

For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother and sister and mother.

3. Romans 12:2

Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2882

Our Father “desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.”He “is forbearing toward you, not wishing that any should perish.”His commandment is “that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”This commandment summarizes all the others and expresses his entire will.

2. Paragraph 2825

“Although he was a Son, [Jesus] learned obedience through what he suffered.”How much more reason have we sinful creatures to learn obedience – we who in him have become children of adoption. We ask our Father to unite our will to his Son’s, in order to fulfill his will, his plan of salvation for the life of the world. We are radically incapable of this, but united with Jesus and with the power of his Holy Spirit, we can surrender our will to him and decide to choose what his Son has always chosen: to do what is pleasing to the Father.

In committing ourselves to [Christ], we can become one spirit with him, and thereby accomplish his will, in such wise that it will be perfect on earth as it is in heaven.

Consider how Jesus Christ] teaches us to be humble, by making us see that our virtue does not depend on our work alone but on grace from on high. He commands each of the faithful who prays to do so universally, for the whole world. For he did not say “thy will be done in me or in us,” but “on earth,” the whole earth, so that error may be banished from it, truth take root in it, all vice be destroyed on it, virtue flourish on it, and earth no longer differ from heaven.

3. Paragraph 2826

By prayer we can discern “what is the will of God” and obtain the endurance to do it.Jesus teaches us that one enters the kingdom of heaven not by speaking words, but by doing “the will of my Father in heaven.”

4. Paragraph 2827

“If anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.”Such is the power of the Church’s prayer in the name of her Lord, above all in the Eucharist. Her prayer is also a communion of intercession with the all-holy Mother of God and all the saints who have been pleasing to the Lord because they willed his will alone:

It would not be inconsistent with the truth to understand the words, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” to mean: “in the Church as in our Lord Jesus Christ himself”; or “in the Bride who has been betrothed, just as in the Bridegroom who has accomplished the will of the Father.”

Small Group Questions

Think about a situation you have been in lately where you did not live God’s will. Discuss that situation and what caused you to make the choice you made.
What action can you take the next time so the outcome is different?
At this point in your life, what level of commitment do you have to living God’s will and not your will?

Recommended Resources

The Integrated Catholic Life –
http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2011/12/deacon-bickerstaff-five-essentials-for-discovering-and-living-gods-plan/
Living Your Strengths: Discover Your God-Given Talents and Inspire Your Community (Catholic Edition) [Hardcover] by Albert L. Winseman
Finding God’s Will for You [Paperback] by St. Francis de Sales (Author)

Accountability

This week would be a good time to start thinking of various ways we can let go of some of our selfish ways as we strive to live closer to God’s will for our life.
Consider an action you will take this week to better understand God’s will and commit to it. Report to the small group your observations and progress during the next meeting.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney – Previous Author(s): Steve Green / Graham Galloway

Included Resources

1. From The Integrated Catholic Life – Five Essentials for Discovering and Living God’s Will

Let’s face it – not all of us have a prophet like Nathan living in our home and we are not likely to be visited by an Archangel. So how are we to discover God’s plan for us? I think too many of us look for a great sign and fail to hear the quiet voice of God when He speaks to us in our hearts and through others. So here are what I believe are five essentials for discovering and living God’s Will:

Live in Christ’s Friendship– We Catholics refer to this as being in a state of grace. That is, live the sacramental life and, particularly, seek forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation whenever you become aware of committing a grave sin. Mortal sin particularly deafens our spiritual hearing.

Practice Humility and Surrender to the Lord– We are all inclined to be prideful. If we think we already have all the answers, we won’t be open to new ones, so get into the habit of practicing humility daily. Humbly surrender your will to the Lord.

Pray Daily– Do we really love God above all else? Then we should be praying before and above all else. That’s what you do when you love someone; you spend time in their company. Prayer is spending time with God. In prayer, we must ask God to reveal His Will to us.

Be Aware and Listen– Do you normally limit your prayer to speaking to God? If so, you need to set aside time during and after your prayer to listen. Trust Jesus. He said, “Seek and you will find, ask and you will receive, knock and the door will be opened.” Have faith that God will answer and you will discover that answer – one way or the other.

Decide to Act – The desire to live God’s Will is not the same as the decision to live God’s Will. The former is a feeling; the latter is an act of human will. This is not always easy and it can sometimes be painful, but you can believe that God has only the good for you in His answer. We cannot always see very far down the road. We won’t always understand the specific purpose and end, beyond our own salvation, for our actions and decisions that God has in His Plan of Divine Providence for us. It is only ours to trust and act.

2. “The less self-willed we are, the easier it will be to us to follow God’s will.”
Letter by St. Francis de Sales

We must recollect that there is no vocation without its wearinesses, its bitternesses, and its trials; and moreover (except in the case of those who are wholly resigned to the will of God,) each one would willingly change his condition with that of others. Those who are Ministers, would fain be otherwise. They who are married, would they were not. They who are not, would they were. From whence proceeds this general discontentedness, if it be not a certain rebellion against constraint, and an evil spirit in us that makes each one think another’s condition better than his own?

But it is all one; and whosoever is not entirely resigned, but keeps on turning this way and that, never will find peace. When a person has a fever, he finds no place comfortable; he has not remained in one bed a quarter of an hour, before he wishes to be in another. It is not the bed which is in fault, but the fever, which torments him everywhere. And so a person who has not the fever of self-will, is contented everywhere and in all things, provided God be glorified. He cares not in what capacity God employs him, provided he can do therein His Divine will.

But this is not all. We must not only do the will of God, but to be really devout, we must do it cheerfully, nay, joyfully. If I were not a Bishop, perhaps, knowing what I now do, I might wish not to be one. But being one, not only am I obliged to do all that this difficult vocation requires, but I must do it joyfully, and make it agreeable to myself to do it. This is what St. Paul means when he says, “Let every man in the vocation in which he is called, therein abide with God.”¹

We cannot bear the crosses of others, but each one must bear his own; and that we may each bear our own, our Lord would that each should renounce himself; that is to say, his own will. “I wish this or that” I should be better here or there.” These are temptations. Our Lord knows best what is best for each one of us; let us do what He wills, and remain where He has placed us.

But you have asked me to give you a few practical rules for your guidance. Besides all I have told you above, you should, First, meditate every day, either in the morning or before dinner or supper, and especially on the Life and Death of our Lord, and you can make use of any book that may assist you. Your meditation should never last above half-an-hour; at the end of each always add a consideration of the obedience which our Lord exercised towards God His Father: for you will see that all He did was done in obedience to the will of God; and considering this will rouse you more earnestly to strive to learn His will yourself. Secondly, before you do or prepare to do any of those duties of your calling which are apt to irritate you, think of the saints of old, who joyfully endured great and grievous things,—some suffering martyrdom, some dishonor in this world; some binding up ulcers and fearful sores; some banishing themselves into the desert; some working among slaves in the galleys: and each and all to do something pleasing in the sight of God. And what are we called upon to do, approaching to such trials as these?

Thirdly, Often think that the real value of whatever we do, is proportioned by the conformity with which we do it to the will of God. If in merely eating or drinking I do it becauseit is the will of God that I should, I am doing what is more agreeable to Him, than if I were to do what should even cost me my life, without any such Divine intention.

Fourthly, I would advise you often during the day, beseech God that He would inspire you with a real love of your vocation, and that you should say, like St. Paul, when he was converted, “Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?²Wouldest Thou that I should serve Thee in the lowest office in Thy house? I will reckon myself here, too blest. Provided that I serve Thee, I care not in what capacity.” And coming more particularly to what is vexing you, say, “Wouldest Thou that I should do such-and-such a thing? Alas! O Lord, though I am not worthy, willingly will I do it:” and by these means you may greatly humble yourself; and oh, what a treasure you will obtain! Far, far greater, doubtless, than you can ever estimate!

Fifthly, I would wish that you should consider how many saints have been in your position of life and vocation, and how they all accommodated themselves to it with great meekness and resignation; as many in the Old Testament as in the New,—Sara, and Rebecca, and Elizabeth, and the holy Anna, and St. Paul, and hundreds of others; and let their example encourage you. We must love what God loves; and if He loves our vocation, let us love it also; and let us not amuse ourselves, by placing ourselves in the position of others. Let us diligently do our business. For each his own cross is not too much. Gently mingle the office of Martha with that of Mary, diligently doing the duties of your calling, often recollecting yourself, and placing yourself in spirit at the foot of the Cross, and saying, “My Lord, whether I run, or whether I stand still, or whatever I do, I am Thine, and Thou art mine. Thou art my first Love, my Spouse, and all that I do, it is for Thee, whatsoever it be.”

Further, every evening examine yourself, and throughout the day constantly raise ejaculatory prayers to God. I recommend, for your reading, the “Spiritual Combat.” Communicate, if possible, every week, and regularly attend the services of the Church on Sundays and Festivals. Remember also what I have often told you,—be just to yourself in the devoted life you are leading; I mean, let others, and especially those of your own family, see its blessed effects in yourself, and be led to honor it accordingly. We must always be careful not to make our devotion annoying to others. What we cannot do without annoyance, especially to those placed over us, we should leave undone: and believe me this spiritual self-denial and privation, so far from being displeasing to God, will be accepted by Him as such, and turn to your own profit. Deny yourself willingly; and in proportion as you are hindered from doing the good you desire, strive so much the more zealously to do what you do not desire. Perhaps it is difficult for you to resign yourself patiently and gladly to these privations, but in doing so, you will gain for yourself real benefit. In all commit your cares and trials, and contradictions, and whatever befalls you to God, comforting yourself in the thought, that He blesses those who are holy, or those who are striving to become so. Keep your heart ready to bear every sort of cross and disappointment with resignation, for the sake of Him Who has borne so much for us: and may He fill thy heart and be thy guide through life!