Category Archives: Syllabus

I Didn’t Know I Married My In-Laws, Too

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Who did you really marry? At the altar, the real question might be “ Do you take this woman, her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends and co-workers”?. What this points out then when we marry, our background and family of origin can play a significant role in the forming of the family unit. As a married couple we are called to leave our families and “become one with each other” but this is not always so easy to do.

Objective

We really are who we are. We are made up of many things that have taken place in our lives. The same is true for our wives. We are all part of our family of origin, and we bring that family of origin into our marriage and we perceive married life.

What was it like in my family growing up? Were my parents together, or divorced? Did one of my parents stay home and be the full time care giver? Did my mother work out of the house? How much time was spent with my family and was I involved or on the sidelines? Look at parenting styles, and how much they affect you and how you are raising your children. Look also at your parent’s relationships and how you may or may not mirror the interactions your parents as spouses had. The Church calls us to be exclusively for each other, but is rather silent on how this is accomplished.

Now think, your wife has the same issues. Both your wife’s and your family of origin influence you even as an adult today. How your parents and your in-laws interacted with each other, greatly affects how you and your wife also interact. For some, going back is a pleasant experience, for others, perhaps not necessarily so.

As a husband, you have married your in-laws to a certain extent. How your wife models her parents, and how she interacted with her siblings certainly will have a great impact on her relationship with you and your family. It is also important to remember that your wife has also married your parents, siblings etc. It is a two way street.

In the Bible readings and in the excerpts from the Catholic Catechism, we can see that as a married couple, we called to leave those we knew and lived with behind and move forward to creating our own family unit.

Bible Readings

1. Genesis 24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body

2. Matthew 19:4-6

He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate

3. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5

The husband should fulfill his duty toward his wife, and likewise the wife toward her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife. Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another,

4. Ephesians 5: 21-33

Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husband as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife, just as Christ is head of the church, himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh, but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh”

This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each should love his wife as himself and the wife should respect her husband.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 372

Man and woman were made “for each other” – not that God left them half-made and incomplete: he created them to be a communion of persons, in which each can be “helpmate” to the other, for they are equal as persons (“bone of my bones. . .”) and complementary as masculine and feminine. In marriage God unites them in such a way that, by forming “one flesh”,245 they can transmit human life: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”246 By transmitting human life to their descendants, man and woman as spouses and parents cooperate in a unique way in the Creator’s work.247

2. Paragraph 2333

Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out.

3. Paragraph 2202

A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it. It should be considered the normal reference point by which the different forms of family relationship are to be evaluated.

4. Paragraph 2364

The married couple forms “the intimate partnership of life and love established by the Creator and governed by his laws; it is rooted in the conjugal covenant, that is, in their irrevocable personal consent.”147 Both give themselves definitively and totally to one another. They are no longer two; from now on they form one flesh. The covenant they freely contracted imposes on the spouses the obligation to preserve it as unique and indissoluble.148 “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”149

Small Group Questions

  1. Which of us has had the most difficulty separating from our family and friends?
  2. What values and traditions in your and your wife’s family do you most enjoy and most dislike?
  3. In what ways do friends and family challenge our unity as a married couple and a family unit?
  4. Where am I in the birth order in my family and where was my wife?
  5. How is your family life the same as your family growing up and how is it different?
  6. Do you discipline the same as you were disciplined growing up?
  7. When you have troubles or questions about your marriage, who do you turn to?

Recommended Resources

  1. Fighting for your Marriage, Markham, Stanley, and Blumberg, 1994
  2. Marriage Preparation, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, used with permission

Accountability

  1. Marriage is a lot like a ski race. You are asked to race down a hill, curving and turning between the boundaries of the poles. It takes discipline and skill to navigate the course. You simply cannot spontaneously or without preparation navigate the course. Together you are creating a new pattern of poles and ski path. It is unique to your own special blending of family and personality. When it is done well and with forethought, it is exhilarating and fulfilling.

Author(s)

Jack Gauche

Included Resources

http://foryourmarriage.org/dating-engaged/marriage-readiness/family-of-origin

The term “Family of Origin” refers to the family that you grew up in – your parents and siblings. It may also include a grandparent, other relative, or divorced …

How do you go from being a parent to a mentor with your adult children?

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

As our children get older, our interaction with them changes. No longer can our values and ideas be imprinted on them by virtue of being the parent. As children age, they bring their own mindsets to the family relationship, life in general and beyond. This can be especially difficult if their values, ideas and mores tend be different, sometimes substantially different than yours. It may something as simple as moving out and leaving the area or as significant as having members of the opposite sex other moving in with the now adult child, to variation in life styles.

Objective

Typically, as a child moves into adulthood, their ideas and ways of doing things can and usually are substantially different than yours. As our children age, like we age, they change, like we change. It seems that a parent often moves more from the guiding hand on the shoulder to the dispenser of wisdom and information as to how the world really works. All too often, in trying to understand the adult child’s mentality and life, there can be alienation between the parent and the offspring. It is almost as if there is resentment for bringing up your values.

The challenge is how to still be a parent, with all of our values, and still be a mentor, parent and sometimes even a friend to your child when their values are different, sometimes dramatically different than yours. As parents, we have developed our value system over a period of time, and our now grown children, especially those out of college are starting to develop theirs.

There is an old joke about a young man talking about his father and remarking to a friend that when he was in high school, he thought his father might have been dumber than a box of rocks, but when the young man graduated from college, he was amazed at how much his father had learned. There may be a lot of truth in that old “saw”. From the sometimes rebellious years of high school, to the realization that a child has a vast amount of unlearned information, this seems like a good time to focus on what your values are. The most important thing is to let your adult child know that you are there for them and although you may disagree with some of the things they do, you are always the parent.

Bible Readings

1. Tobit 4: 5-6

Through all the days my son, keep the LORD in mind, and suppress every desire to sin or to break his commandments. Perform good works all the days of your life, and do not tread the paths of wrong doing. For if you are steadfast in your service, your good works will bring success, not only to you, but also to those who live uprightly.

2. Exodus 20: 12

Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land the LORD your God is giving you

3. Colossians 3: 20-21

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.p Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged.q

4. Ephesians 6: 1- 4

Children, obey your parents [in the Lord], for this is right.a “Honor your father and mother.”b This is the first commandment with a promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.c

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2199

The fourth commandment is addressed expressly to children in their relationship to their father and mother, because this relationship is the most universal. It likewise concerns the ties of kinship between members of the extended family. It requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors. Finally, it extends to the duties of pupils to teachers, employees to employers, subordinates to leaders, citizens to their country, and to those who administer or govern it.

This commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons.

2. Paragraph 2200

Observing the fourth commandment brings its reward: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you.”8 Respecting this commandment provides, along with spiritual fruits, temporal fruits of peace and prosperity. Conversely, failure to observe it brings great harm to communities and to individuals. (2304)

3. Paragraph 2208

The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor. There are many families who are at times incapable of providing this help. It devolves then on other persons, other families, and, in a subsidiary way, society to provide for their needs: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”12

Small Group Questions

  1. Do you think that your father valued your opinion as you became older?
  2. Do you model the type of behavior that you would like your children to have as they become older
  3. Do you have any family members that mentored you as you aged
  4. If your father is alive, how is your relation with him?
  5. Could you talk to your father when you were young? How about now?
  6. What do you wish you knew when you were younger that you know now? Can you give your children that information?

Recommended Resources

  1. Live and Learn and Pass It On, H. Jackson Brown, People share what they have discovered about life, love and the world
  2. Life’s Little Instruction Book, H. Jackson Brown, 500+ suggestions, observations and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life.

Accountability

  1. This week would be a good time to start to talk to your child about life and responsibilities

Author(s)

Jack Gauche & Bob Considine

Included Resources

Perhaps to be used as a lead in to group sharing exercise

Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin (1942-1981), 1974 Album Verities and Balderdash

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Membership in the Church Militant and the Catholic Spirit of Knighthood

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Are you a member of the Church Militant wearing the armor of God? “The spirit of knighthood is available to all of us. It’s a vocation every Christian was made for. And it will never go out of style.” – Archbishop Charles Chaput

Objective

To obtain a better understanding of our mission as a member of the Church Militant wearing the armor of God and how do the principles of knighthood still apply today.

“Today the word ecclesia militans [Church Militant] is a bit out of fashion, but in reality we can always better understand that which is true, that which encapsulates truth. We see how evil wants to rule the world and that it’s necessary to enter the struggle against evil. We see how it does this in so many very violent ways, with different forms of violence, but also posing as a force for good while destroying the moral foundations of society. St. Augustine said that all history is a struggle between two loves: love of oneself even to the extent of defying God, and love of God, to the extent of defying oneself, in martyrdom. We are in this fight and in this fight it is very important to have friends. And as for me, I’m surrounded by friends of the College of Cardinals: they are my friends and I feel at home, I feel confident in this company of great friends who are with me, all together with the Lord.” – Pope Benedict XVI, May 21, 2012.

“We belong to the Church Militant; and she is militant because on earth the powers of darkness are ever restless to encompass her destruction. Not only in the far-off centuries of the early Church, but down through the ages and in this our day, the enemies of God and Christian civilization make bold to attack the Creator’s supreme dominion and sacrosanct human rights.” – Pope Pius XII, October 14, 1953

Bible Readings

1. 2 Timothy 1:7

“For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control”

2. Revelation 12:17

“Then the dragon became angry with the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring, those who keep God’s commandments and bear witness to Jesus.”

3. Ephesians 6:10-18

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,”

4. Matthew 10:34-36

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s foes will be those of his own household.”

5. 2 Timothy 2:3-4

“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier on service gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to satisfy the one who enlisted him”

6. 1 Maccabees 3:59-60

“It is better for us to die in battle than to witness the evils befalling our nation and our sanctuary. Whatever is willed in heaven will be done.”

7. Romans 12:21

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

8. 2 Timothy 4:7

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2850

The last petition to our Father is also included in Jesus’ prayer: “I am not asking you to take them out of the world, but I ask you to protect them from the evil one.” It touches each of us personally, but it is always “we” who pray, in communion with the whole Church, for the deliverance of the whole human family. The Lord’s Prayer continually opens us to the range of God’s economy of salvation. Our interdependence in the drama of sin and death is turned into solidarity in the Body of Christ, the “communion of saints.”

2. Paragraph 2851

In this petition, evil is not an abstraction, but refers to a person, Satan, the Evil One, the angel who opposes God. The devil (dia-bolos) is the one who “throws himself across” God’s plan and his work of salvation accomplished in Christ

3. Paragraph 2852

“A murderer from the beginning, . . . a liar and the father of lies,” Satan is “the deceiver of the whole world.” Through him sin and death entered the world and by his definitive defeat all creation will be “freed from the corruption of sin and death.” Now “we know that anyone born of God does not sin, but He who was born of God keeps him, and the evil one does not touch him. We know that we are of God, and the whole world is in the power of the evil one.”

The Lord who has taken away your sin and pardoned your faults also protects you and keeps you from the wiles of your adversary the devil, so that the enemy, who is accustomed to leading into sin, may not surprise you. One who entrusts himself to God does not dread the devil. “If God is for us, who is against us?”

Small Group Questions

  1. What does it mean to be a member of the Church Militant?
  2. How can you fight the “good fight” in your everyday life?
  3. Are you wearing the armor of God?
  4. Do you consider yourself a modern day knight?

Recommended Resources

  1. “The Catholic Spirit of Knighthood”, by Archbishop Charles Chaput, 1/30/2010 (Included Below)
    http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/4127
  2. “The Church Militant” (YouTube video – presenting group may wish to show this)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTYpZ4kIg3Y

  3. “Pope lunches with friends, speaks of struggle against evil”, by Paul Zalonski 5/24/2012
    http://communio.stblogs.org/2012/05/pope-lunches-with-friends-spea.html
  4. “The Growing Persecution of the Catholic church and the Re-emergence of the Church Militant”, by Deacon Keith Fournier 5/24/2012:
    http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=46318
  5. “The Templars Knights of Christ”, by Regine Pernoud

Accountability

  1. Consider reading Ephesians 6:10-18 “armor of God”, before doing a task in which you might be tempted by the evil one
  2. Share the Church Militant Youtube video with a friend or family member
  3. Teach the St. Michael the Archangel “Defend us” prayer to a child or grandchild

Author(s)

Michael Copfer

Included Resources

1. The Catholic Spirit of Knighthood, by Archbishop Charles Chaput

I had the pleasure last week of spending time with Suzanne and Jim Broski. Like thousands of other Catholic married couples, the Broskis have a longtime love of their faith and devotion to the work of the Church. What makes their circumstances unique though is this: The Broskis are Colorado’s new state “co-councilors” for the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulcher of Jerusalem, better known as the Knights of the Holy Sepulcher. They had come to introduce themselves, and also to outline the Knights’ good work in easing the plight of Christians in the Holy Land.

Knighthood is an institution with very deep roots in the memory of the Church. Nearly 900 years ago, the great St. Bernard of Clairvaux described the ideal Christian knights as Godly men who “shun every excess in clothing and food. They live as brothers in joyful and sober company (with) one heart and one soul. … There is no distinction of persons among them, and deference is shown to merit rather than to noble blood. They rival one another in mutual consideration, and they carry one another’s burdens, thus fulfilling the law of Christ.”

Bernard was anything but naïve. Writing in the early 12th century, he was well aware of the greed, vanity and violence that too often motivated Europe’s warrior class, even in the name of religious faith. Yet he wrote at a time when large Christian populations still existed in the Middle East and suffered under Muslim armed conquest, discrimination and persecution. In fact a trigger for the medieval Crusades—which began in Bernard’s lifetime—had been the harassment of Christian pilgrims to holy sites in what we now know as Israel and Palestine.

Many of the Crusaders who rallied to the liberation of the Holy Land did so out of genuine zeal for the Cross. Europe in the Middle Ages was a continent where Christian faith animated every aspect of daily life. But Bernard also knew that many others who left for Crusade had mixed or even ugly motives. In his great essay “In Praise of the New Knighthood” (c. 1136), he outlined the virtues that should shape the vocation of every truly “Christian” knight: humility, austerity, justice, obedience, unselfishness and a single-minded zeal for Jesus Christ in defending the Church, the poor and the weak.

Life today may seem very different from life in the 12th century, but human nature—our basic hopes, dreams, anxieties and sufferings—hasn’t really changed. The Christian vocation remains the same: to follow Jesus Christ faithfully, and in following Jesus, to defend Christ’s Church and serve her people zealously, unselfishly and with all our skill. As St. Ignatius Loyola wrote in his “Spiritual Exercises”—and remember that Ignatius himself was a former soldier—each of us must choose between two battle standards: the standard of Jesus Christ, humanity’s true King, or the standard of his impostor, the Prince of This World. There is no neutral ground.

Here’s my point: The Church needs men and women of courage and Godliness today more than at any time in her history; and this is why the Catholic ideal of knighthood, with its demands of radical discipleship, is still vividly alive and still urgently needed. Whether one belongs to a wonderful fraternal service order like the Knights of Columbus or the Knights of St. Peter Claver; to an historic knightly order like the Knights of the Holy Sepulcher or the Knights of Malta; or to one of the Holy See’s own pontifical knightly orders like the Knights of St. Gregory the Great; the essence of knighthood is the same: sacrificial service rooted in a living Catholic faith.

That spirit of knighthood is available to all of us. It’s a vocation every Christian was made for. And it will never go out of style.

2. “The Catholic Church is the Mystical Body of Christ”, by Fr. William G. Most

Speaking of full membership in the Church, Pius XII, in his Encyclical on the Mystical Body, said it is the society of those who have been baptized, and who profess the faith of Christ, and who are governed by their bishops under the visible head, the Pope, the Bishop of Rome.

The Church came into being when Christ died on the Cross, but it was formally inaugurated on Pentecost, when He sent the Holy Spirit as He had promised. St. Paul speaks of all Christians as members of Christ, so that with Him, they form one Mystical Body (Cf. 1 Cor 12:12-31; Col 1:18; 2:18-20; Eph. 1:22-23; 3:19; 4:13). St. Paul did not use the word Mystical. It was developed more recently to bring out the fact that this union is unique, there is no parallel to it. It is not the same as the union of a physical body, nor that of a business corporation.

The Church, the Mystical Body, exists on this earth, and is called the Church militant, because its members struggle against the world, the flesh and the devil. The Church suffering means the souls in Purgatory. The Church triumphant is the Church in heaven. The unity and cooperation of the members of the Church on earth, in Purgatory, in Heaven is also called the Communion of Saints. When St. Paul uses the word “Saints” in opening an Epistle, he does not mean they are morally perfect. He has in mind Hebrew qadosh, which means set aside for God, or coming under the covenant. Being such means of course they are called to moral perfection. But of course, not all have reached it in this world.

3. Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament, page 353 commentary on Ephesians 6:10-18 “Armor of God”

Paul warns readers of the spiritual warfare that rages unseen in the Church. For Christ’s kingdom does not spread free of opposition or enemies; rather, it is daily attacked by malevolent spirits under the command of Satan. Our first defense is the armor of God, i.e. the graces given to protect us in times of temptation. Our weaponry is both offensive (sword) and defensive (breastplate, shield, helmet, protective footwear), enabling us to ward off the powers of darkness and to guard ourselves from exposure to their tactics (2 Cor 6:7; 10:3-5; 1 Thess 5:8). Although the devil and his demons were defeated by Christ on the Cross (Col 2:15), they remain dangerous until he comes again to destroy them (1 Cor 15:24-25; Rev 20:10).

Paul alludes to Wis 5:17-20 and Is 59:17. Both passages depict Yahweh as a warrior suiting up for battle against the ungodly. The Church joins him in this holy war as believers are enlisted among the troops and equipped with his divine armory. This OT background suggests that Paul’s imagery is more closely linked to Yahweh’s spiritual armor than with the military gear of a Roman soldier.

To put on the armor of God is to put on the Lord Jesus Christ. Called to truth and righteousness, our Savior is our belt and our breastplate. Called the living Word of God, he is the sword who is sharp on both sides.

6:15 your feet…gospel of peace: An allusion to Is 52:7, Isaiah envisions Yahweh reigning on Mt. Zion after crushing his enemies and redeeming his people. News of his victory travels on foot as messengers bring “good tidings” of “peace” and “salvation” (Is 52:7) to the ends of the earth. Paul sees this prophecy unfolding in the lives of believers as they carry the gospel to the world. It is assumed that the steady advance of God’s kingdom means the steady retreat of all opposing forces.

6:18 Pray at all times: A command closely linked with Paul’s preceding instruction on spiritual warfare (CCC 2633, 2742). It indicates that our perseverance in prayer must match the relentless persistence of the devil (Lk 18:1; I Thes 5:17). We can expect no truce between God’s family and God’s enemies before the Day of Judgment (2 Pet 2:4).

Taking Catholic Truth to the Voting Booth

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

While the Catholic Church does not tell the faithful whom to vote for, she offers us strong guidance on the truth and what candidates should and should not stand for. We need to become informed on the major issues of our day, learn how our Catholic principals apply and make good prudential choices on the application of these principals in public policy.

Objective

This fall’s presidential election offers a fairly stark contrast between the two major candidates on issues Catholics are obliged to consider. Candidates for other offices as well as various ballot initiatives may offer similar differences. We as Catholic voters need to understand what direction these candidates would take our country or locale. In September 2011, the US bishops re-released a 2007 document entitled Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship. The men of FATHERS Team should leave the meeting knowledgeable in the issues outlined in this document’s introduction and be prepared to vote with fully formed consciences.

Bible Readings

1. Deuteronomy 4: 1,2 and 7

Now therefore, Israel, hear the statutes and ordinances I am teaching you to observe, that you may live, and may enter in and take possession of the land which the LORD, the God of your ancestors, is giving you. In your observance of the commandments of the LORD, your God, which I am commanding you, you shall not add to what I command you nor subtract from it… For what great nation is there that has gods so close to it as the LORD, our God, is to us whenever we call upon him?

2. Psalm 15: 1-2

One who does justice will live in the presence of the Lord. Whoever walks blamelessly and does justice; who thinks the truth in his heart and slanders not with his tongue

3. James 1: 21

Humbly welcome the word that has been planted in you and is able to save your souls.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1918

There is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God.

2. Paragraph 1923

Political authority must be exercised within the limits of the moral order and must guarantee the conditions for the exercise of freedom.

3. Paragraph 1894

In accordance with the principle of subsidiarity, neither the state nor any larger society should substitute itself for the initiative and responsibility of individuals and intermediary bodies.

Small Group Questions

  1. Do you understand the basis of the Bishops’ words on: life issues, religious liberty, the definition of marriage, the economy, immigration and war/violence?
  2. How well have your consciences been formed in prior election cycles? Are you open to hearing the guidance of the US Bishops, and putting party affiliation lower on your priority list?
  3. Are you willing to speak out loudly the principles outlined by the US Bishops?

Author(s)

John Fahrmeier and Jack Gauche

Included Resources

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops September 2011 statement
http://usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/forming-consciences-for-faithful-citizenship-document.cfm

The moral and human challenges outlined in … Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship remain pressing national issues. In particular, our Conference is focused on several current and fundamental problems, some involving opposition to intrinsic evils and others raising serious moral questions:

Continuing destruction of unborn children through abortion and other threats to the lives and dignity of others who are vulnerable, sick, or unwanted;

Renewed efforts to force Catholic ministries—in health care, education, and social services—to violate their consciences or stop serving those in need;

Intensifying efforts to redefine marriage and enact measures which undermine marriage as the permanent, faithful, and fruitful union of one man and one woman and a fundamental moral and social institution essential to the common good;

An economic crisis which has devastated lives and livelihoods, increasing national and global unemployment, poverty, and hunger; increasing deficits and debt and the duty to respond in ways which protect those who are poor and vulnerable as well as future generations;

The failure to repair a broken immigration system with comprehensive measures that promote true respect for law, protect the human rights and dignity of immigrants and refugees, recognize their contributions to our nation, keep families together, and advance the common good;

Wars, terror, and violence which raise serious moral questions on the use of force and its human and moral costs in a dangerous world, particularly the absence of justice, security, and peace in the Holy Land and throughout the Middle East.

In this coming election and beyond, we urge leaders and all Catholics to share the message of faithful citizenship and to use this document in forming their own consciences, so we can act together to promote and protect human life and dignity, marriage and family, justice and peace in service to the common good. This kind of political responsibility is a requirement of our faith and our duty as citizens.

Taking Care of Ourselves Physically & Emotionally

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

We take care of our family and your responsibilities at work. What are we doing to take care of ourselves?

Objective

We have a lot on our plates. We’re fathers, husbands, children, friends and employees. Many of us are constantly juggling our responsibilities at work with our responsibilities at home. We take care of our wives, children, and perhaps parents. Do we take care of ourselves? Our emotional and physical health are interconnected – good physical health promotes good emotional health and vice versa. What are we doing to ensure we have good physical and emotional health?

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6, 19

Do you not know that your body is a temple* of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?j

2. 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6, 20

For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2288

Life and physical health are precious gifts entrusted to us by God. We must take reasonable care of them, taking into account the needs of others and the common good.

2. Paragraphs 2290

The virtue of temperance disposes us to avoid every kind of excess: the abuse of food, alcohol, tobacco, or medicine. Those incur grave guilt who, by drunkenness or a love of speed, endanger their own and others’ safety on the road, at sea, or in the air.

Small Group Questions

  1. Do you make time to work out on a consistent basis?
  2. Do you schedule regular appointments with your health care professionals?
  3. What are you doing to ensure your wife and children lead healthy lives?

Recommended Resources

  1. http://healthpsychology.org/health-psychology-promotes-emotional-and-physical-health/
  2. http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/understanding/index.aspx

Accountability

  1. Take a health risk assessment if offered by your insurance company.
  2. Commit to starting an exercise routine. Invite your wife or a friend to join you to ensure accountability.
  3. Commit to making changes to improve your diet.

Author(s)

Ken Mai

Included Resources

1. Health Psychology Promotes Emotional and Physical Health

Written by Dr. Cheryl MacDonald, RN, Psy’D. on July 28, 2011
http://healthpsychology.org/health-psychology-promotes-emotional-and-physical-health/

A Health Psychology belief is with developing an understanding of how biological, sociological, environmental and cultural factors relate to physical and emotional health. Studies are beginning to explain that negative emotions such as anger, rage, depression, anxiety, jealousy and envy, have a connection to one’s physical condition. One common example of the mind-body relationship is when people experience anxiety or stress the blood pressure rises. Complete health depends on a healthy mind and body, and I will be explaining the basic understanding of this relationship along with providing a few tips to maintain health.

What is the Physical Connection between Mind and Body?

There is a physical connection between what the mind is thinking and those parts of the brain that control bodily functions. According to Charles Goodstein, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry, New York University School of Medicine, the brain directly connects to the endocrine system, which secretes hormones or chemicals that can have a powerful influence on emotional health. “Thoughts and feelings that generate within the mind can influence the outpouring of hormones from the endocrine system, which in effect controls much of what goes on within the body,” says Dr. Goodstein.

Simply put, to be healthy people must take care of not only their emotional health, but also their physical health. If one is neglected, the other will suffer. People who visit their doctors reporting symptoms of headache, lethargy, weakness, or vague abdominal symptoms often end up with the diagnosis of depression; even though they may not discuss feelings associated with depression. While sad or anxious feelings may not directly cause poor physical health, they are certainly contributing factors associated with physical health and an individual’s quality of life.

The field of health psychology focuses on promoting health which includes the prevention and treatment of physical diseases. The Health Psychologists focus is on understanding how people react, cope and recover from illness, along with improving the quality of lives of people with chronic and terminal illnesses. When there is little hope of recovery, it is the health psychologist who can improve the quality of life by helping people work with the loss and recover at least some sense of emotional well-being. One other interest is with identifying the best ways for providing therapeutic services for the bereaved in coping with the loss of a loved one.

Tips for Taking Care of Emotional and Physical Health

Take care of yourself physically. Many people do not understand the fact that when they take care of themselves physically, they take care of themselves emotionally. There is a relationship between neglecting the body and the development of emotional and physical problems. This neglect creates a toxic cycle. To end this cycle, strengthen the body with enough rest, food, and liquids. Make sure that there is enough air, nutritious food and exercise in your life. Warm and refresh yourself when needed. Eat right; a healthy, proper diet is beneficial for the body and mind. Research has proven that exercise improves mood and has numerous benefits for physical and emotional health. I am aware that this is limited information; however, many people do not understand these basic facts. People do not have to be perfect and try to not to let physical care become an obsession, which may then become a problem. Consider the fact that when people ignore the physical needs of their body this abandonment will create an emotional and a physical problem, which in turn creates a toxic life cycle. Therefore, people feel physically and emotionally unstable.

Pay attention to body signals. When the body is in need of something, we experience feelings that correspond to what their body is lacking. One example of ignoring a signal is when people do not pay attention to hunger when trying to loose weight and they begin to starve themselves. This starvation, in turn, slows down the metabolism and will in the long run prevent weight loss.The body sends messages when to eat, sleep, relax, calm down, play and comfort ourselves. Go to bed on time. Loosing sleep is hard on the heart, may increase weight, and undeniably sparks up the crankiness meter. Do not ignore the protective bodily signals. Listen to what it is saying.

Be socially active. The bottom line is that love and attention are almost as valuable as the air that we breathe. Most will crave it unless they receive it, so seek it out, for your emotional health. Take time out for relaxation and socializing as this is beneficial for emotional and physical health. Give and receive love and attention to both others and yourself. As quoted, from C.J. Lewis, “Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives”. People are social beings from birth to death.

Take care of yourself with relaxation. People should be spending a third of their time on leisure and/or play. Relaxation is another form of nurturing mental health as the mind needs the opportunity to re-charge. People also need time to process or understand thoughts and feelings. If people stay busy all of the time, then they are not giving themselves enough time to process and strengthen the mind and body. If a third of your time is too much to ask for, then at least set aside an hour or two a day, just for you. Set aside some time to relax and have fun.

When you fail at something have the courage to try again. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Try to work at forgiving yourself for making those mistakes. Trying again improves self esteem and creates an overall sense of feeling empowered, which in turn increases endorphins, thereby lifting mood.

Visit the appropriate Doctor, the one that is the perfect match for your condition. Going to the right doctor can make all the difference in overall health, especially if there is a complex illness that requires a specialist. Try to be open to seeing a mental health professional, if feelings and emotions are getting in the way of recovery.

How do people get in touch with their body?

Take deep breaths and listen to what your body is saying. Once people are in touch with the feeling, they then need to determine how they are going to manage or control the feeling. Sometimes feelings are not true or based on facts, and people can perceive situations incorrectly, as they are of the imagination. If the feeling is not based on facts, then attempt to undo this misperception, as people are only hurting themself. Try not to get caught up with feelings of shame and guilt as these emotions are a waste of valuable time and for most of us are by products of the imagination.

However, for short periods of time if the imagination or dreaming makes people happy, it is acceptable to enjoy the feeling. Just remember that this is wishful thinking and that people are tricking themselves into feeling pleasure. To learn new ways to cope with feelings, start with a small baby step. For example, if there is a problem with anger, attempt to be aware of the feeling, and take a few deep breaths before reacting.

Health Psychology Promotes Emotional and Physical Health

Health psychology principles’ and cognitive behavioral therapies continue to be overlooked by the general population and the medical profession. These methods require the physician to be aware of other successful treatment modalities. Health Psychology requires individuals to make a commitment to take responsibility for their own physical and emotional health. Until health psychology principles are accepted by the medical community and until the client begins to follow these principles, the emotional and physical condition will continue to ravage the mind and body.

In conclusion, unhealthy behaviors, from smoking cigarettes and poor diet, to living a sedentary lifestyle and having poor coping skills, are all significant factors leading to death and disability. Take the time to care for both the mind and body. People can make positive, healthy changes in their life by learning specific skills. Practice the above, few steps consistently in life and over time people will indeed notice improvements in their physical and emotional well being. This is the joyful news!

2. Happiness and Emotional Well-Being
http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/understanding/index.aspx

A healthy diet and exercise are great for your body, but don’t neglect your emotional health and well-being. Reducing stress, getting enough sleep, and having fun are all ways to find happiness.

By Diana Rodriguez

Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

When your mind is frazzled and stressed, and your emotions are taking over your thoughts and affecting your everyday activities, it’s time to take a step back, take a deep breath, and relax. Of course focusing on your physical health is crucial, but so is treating your mind and spirit to the same attention. Your happiness goes a long way in protecting your overall well-being.

Happiness and Well-Being: Why It’s Important

Emotions are one aspect of a person’s health that often get neglected. But if your emotional health is suffering, your physical health will too.

Your emotional health is just a term for how you feel — your overall happiness and well-being. Are you stressed? Unhappy? Unsatisfied? Worried and anxious? Then your emotional health needs some serious attention, or your body will start paying the price.

Happiness and Well-Being: How It Feels

Being emotionally healthy is a huge plus. People with good emotional health:

Believe that there is a good balance to their life between leisure time, activity, and work

Feel good about themselves, and don’t suffer from self-esteem issues

Believe that there is a purpose to their lives

Are able to accept changes better and just go with the flow

Enjoy living, and know the value of fun and laughter

Have less stress, and are better equipped to deal with stress

Have better relationships with others

Are contented with their lives

Happiness and Well-Being: When All’s Not Well

“If we do not care for ourselves, frustration, tension, anger, and poor health can develop,” says Sally R. Connolly, a clinical social worker, therapist and co-founder of CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com, an online counseling service.

Even when you know how important it is to take good care of your emotions, it can still be a tall order. It can be tough to find time for yourself, and some people may feel guilty about pampering or spoiling themselves from time to time. Others may just ignore their feelings and stressors and hope they just go away. However, they usually don’t — and at some point, unaddressed emotional problems often result in serious consequences, from illness to relationship problems to harmful behavior.

“Many of us, women especially, have the irrational belief that caring for ourselves or putting our own mental and emotional health first is selfish,” says Connolly. “Women are reared to be caregivers and usually put themselves last.”

Happiness and Well-Being: Getting Started

Make a decision to do something nice for yourself every day and stick to it.

“For many people it has to be a conscious process,” says Connolly. “They must take time to do it. I often recommend some simple ritual as a way of honoring themselves.” She recommends something as simple as daily meditation to inspire peace and relaxation.

Other rituals might involve:

Getting up a few minutes early to drink your morning coffee in peace

Taking a walk every day

Having regularly scheduled events with close friends or family

Finding time to be alone with your spouse

Happiness and Well-Being: Tips for Emotional Health

Focusing on your emotional health isn’t hard, but it may be an adjustment for you. Some simple — and really enjoyable — changes are all it takes to boost happiness and well-being. Follow these ideas to strengthen your emotional health:

Exercise. It protects physical and emotional health, relieves stress, and makes you feel good.

Make time for laziness. You don’t have to be constantly on the go — that’s how you get run down. Spend a little time each day or each week doing something you enjoy that is completely frivolous. For example, watch TV or a silly movie, chat on the phone, play a game, or just listen to music.

Spend some time in the sun. With sunscreen, of course. But sunlight is a great natural way to boost your mood.

Deal with your emotions. Learn how to properly deal with stress, anger, and anxiety instead of keeping them bottled up inside.

Be healthy inside. This means avoiding junk food and sticking to a healthy diet. You should also steer clear of smoking, drug use, and too much alcohol.

Treat your senses. Do little things that make you happy and stimulate your senses, like lighting a scented candle, buying some fresh-cut flowers, indulging in a massage, or treating yourself to your favorite food or drink.

Sleep. Everyone gets cranky without enough sleep, so dedicate adequate sleep time every night. Or treat yourself to a nap every now and then.

Be creative. Spend some time learning new things, like a new language or skill (for example, music or knitting). Even just working in your garden can help you relax and feel satisfied.

Adopt an animal. Pets offer fun, relaxation, and a whole lot of love. They can encourage you to exercise, and tear your attention away from stressful activities.

The bottom line is pretty simple: take time for happiness. Allow yourself to enjoy life, fun, and relaxation. Be thankful for what you have, and enjoy it.

Making Dinner Table Conversations Count

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Dads, do you make good use of dinner table time to communicate with your children? Do you even make time for dinner as a family? How can you take an ordinary meal and turn it into a time to listen to your children and reach them on a new level?

Objective

Our lives are so busy with work, taking Johnny to football, taking Mary to soccer, and all the many engagements and obligations we have to deal with. How can we as fathers:

  • Preserve and enhance family values by eating together as a family
  • Take the opportunity to hear what our children have to say about their lives
  • Take the opportunity to create learning moments of our Christian values
  • Take the opportunity to see how our children interact with each other
  • Strengthen the example we are as Husband and Wife, a team, in front of our children

Bible Readings

1. Deuteronomy 6: 6-7

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

2. Hebrews 12: 7-11

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

3. Matthew 18: 10-14

See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1601

“The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament

2. Paragraph 2223

Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

3. Paragraph 1784

The education of the conscience is a lifelong task. From the earliest years, it awakens the child to the knowledge and practice of the interior law recognized by conscience. Prudent education teaches virtue; it prevents or cures fear, selfishness and pride, resentment arising from guilt, and feelings of complacency, born of human weakness and faults. The education of the conscience guarantees freedom and engenders peace of heart.

Small Group Questions

  1. How often do you have dinner together as a family? Have you and your wife made this a priority? Do you have a target number of days where you make an effort to make this happen?
  2. How important was dinner as a family to your upbringing? Do you engender that same or an improved experience?
  3. Who is the first up from the dinner table? Is it you because you have so much to do?
  4. Do you encourage each of your children to talk during dinner? Do you take the time to reinforce positive values and actions. Can you do this without passing judgment in front of everyone?
  5. How do you manage to talk to your children and communicate Christian values without being too much of a preacher?

Recommended Resources

1. Family Dinner Conversation Starters
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/challenges/a/dinner_talk.htm

Accountability

  1. If you don’t have a set goal of having dinner as a family, discuss this with your wife and set a goal.
  2. When you do have dinner as a family, set a goal to listen and be the LAST one up from the table.
  3. Look for ways to increase family discussion and bonding around the dinner table, you’ll be amazed how it carries through in their adult lives as siblings.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney (Previously -Dan Lape)

Included Resources

1. Article by Eronne Ward:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Eating-Dinner-With-the-Family—Its-More-Important-Than-You-Might-Think&id=2450865

When was the last time you had dinner with your family? It is the meal we often skip because we work late, the kids have sporting events or we get tired from daily activities. But, skipping dinner with the family is not a good practice. In fact, it is detrimental to the family dynamic.

There are some interesting facts surrounding family dinner time. For instance, teens that spend dinner time eating with their family are less likely to get involved in drugs, alcohol or other illicit activity. This is a point many parents will find interesting. Out of all of the things you do to try to keep your kids away from bad influences, the one thing that is the greatest influence is still the event that we skip routinely.

Family dinners are more than just a meal. It is about the only time that families have to share time through the week. Whether you sit down to the dinner table or enjoy a meal and a movie on tray tables in the family room, the important thing is that you are together.

The main point is that conversation is taking place. The average parent talks to their child less than 40 minutes a week. It takes a second to say “Hi” when you come in at night, but that isn’t effective communication. When dinner is shared by the family, you spend at least 45 minutes to an hour talking about everything and anything that may be on your mind. Even if you are watching a television program, engaging questions can arise from topics addressed in the program.

Why is dinner so important? For one thing, it is a time to share thoughts and feelings. All day, kids are influenced by teachers, friends and the outside world. At the dinner table, they get a chance to connect with their parents on tough issues like schoolwork, peer pressure, friendships and other things. Children can each share and help one another with helpful suggestions. Parents can even talk about work or family finances over a meal.

Young children learn how to communicate with their siblings and parents. They are the center of attention with questions about their day and it makes them feel happy. You know that kids always want to be in the limelight when they are a certain age and this helps them learn to share the spot with others.

For teenage girls, body image is often a very relevant issue. Through family dinners, they can learn to prepare and eat healthy meals, learn that eating right will keep their bodies in shape, and of utmost importance, learn not to avoid food. Teen girls are less likely to become the victim of an eating disorder and more likely to develop a healthy view of food and their bodies when they eat dinner with their families.

There are many benefits to eating dinner with the family. It is a time for meaningful communication that leads to stronger self-images, as well as a greater resistance to the urges of drugs, alcohol, peer-pressure, and other destructive behaviors in your kids and teens. For all these reasons as well as to help unite the family, a concerted effort should be made to make family dinners a common practice.

2. FAMILY DINNER CONVERSATION STARTERS…great 1 page grid with examples… http://www.iespta.org/files/FAMILY_DINNER_CONVERSATION_STARTERS.pdf

How Do You Make Your Spouse Feel Appreciated?

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Whether it has been one year or fifty since your wedding, what are you doing to let the awesome person you married know that you appreciate them? Routine is a good thing, but making someone feel special is a GREAT thing and everyone likes to feel appreciated. Get your creative juices flowing and demonstrate to your wife how special she is!

Objective

A majority of the problems that occur in a marriage can be attributed to the fact that one or both partners feel unappreciated. Boredom with the relationship, jealousy, nagging and a general sense of discontent are marriage relationship problems that find their roots in a sense of not being appreciated. Your goal as a husband is to realize this, then take action. Improve your marriage relationship “by doing” and let your wife know she is appreciated by you.

Bible Readings

1. Ephesians 5:25-30

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

2. Colossians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 1639

The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself. From their covenant arises “an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society.” The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love.”

Small Group Questions

  1. What is something unique that you have done that made your spouse feel appreciated?
  2. What are the root causes that may make your wife to feel unappreciated by you?
  3. What will you do in the next week to show your wife she is appreciated by you?

Recommended Resources

  1. Husbands, sons, priests – my plea to you to not ruin Mother’s Day…
    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat/2012/05/husbands-sons-priests-my-plea-to-you-to-not-ruin-mothers-day.html
  2. 10 Ways to Love Your Spouse http://www.simplecatholicliving.com/reflections/10-ways-to-love-your-spouse

Accountability

  1. Do one thing for your wife this week that she will be able to tell her friends about that you have never done before.
  2. Investigate and search fun things going on in town and recommend that the two of you need to make a plan to attend or participate.
  3. Secretly do a chore around the house you have never done and see if anyone notices.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney

Included Resources

1. The 5 Step Secret to making your wife Feel Appreciated

Step 1 Understanding: Although you cannot make anyone 100% happy, you can do your part in making your wife feel special and appreciated. The wife (like the husband) has a unique and key role in the marital partnership. If she feels abandoned, neglected, or otherwise unappreciated it will be difficult for her to maintain that positive ambiance.

Step 2 Show Direct Appreciation: Women need the small things that may be easily overlooked. A phone call in the middle of the day for no reason; fresh flower arrangements; date night; unexpected tokens of affection, etc. Keep note of her interests and use them to personalize your surprises i.e. if she’s dieting do not get her chocolates.

Step 3 Acknowledgement: You may not understand her emotional needs but you definitely need to acknowledge them. Take the time to actively listen to her. Be the initiator of conversations. Be nonjudgmental with your opinions.

Step 4 Pick your Battles: Let the small things pass. Arguing or a domineering attitude will only fester and eventually poison the love you share. If it irritates you that she isn’t the best housekeeper, try to hire help or help clean up when you have time. Remember that you are not perfect either. Was it her laugh you fell in love with or her clean kitchen?

Step 5 Tell her you love her everyday. Tell others you love her. Hearing it and saying it will keep the love alive. Love is a chain reaction. The more love you give the more love you receive.

2. Other ideas to show direct Appreciation to your wife:

Acts of service.

Doing something special for your wife is an easy and free way to show your appreciation. A foot rub after a long day of work would be greatly appreciated. Use some scented lotion for a bit of aromatherapy as well. Clean the house! Coming home to a messy house can be very stressful. If you are home during the day on a weekend, keeping the house clean shows your appreciation for the hard work your wife does.

Making your spouse’s favorite meal or dessert on an ordinary day is a terrific way to make her feel special, especially if you don’t make it very often. Or make something new for dinner to try together; the same old things can get boring after a while.

Whatever your spouse’s job around the house is, give her a day off. Who wouldn’t feel special and enjoy not having to do a chore? Folding the laundry, doing the dishes for once and let your spouse enjoy a little well-deserved rest.

Offer a massage. Don’t do it because you want one in return. Don’t wait until your wife asks. Just offer one to show that you really enjoy the act of touching the person that you’re in a love with.

Treats and Surprises.

A simple and inexpensive way to surprise your wife with a treat is to pick up her favorite treats at the grocery store. Then you can sneak them into a her purse or computer bag for your wife to find and enjoy at work or out running errands. Or leave a treat on the pillow or nightstand, or in a coat pocket.

Leave your spouse alone to do a hobby, with no strings attached. She is probably tired of hearing you complain when she is watching TV while the laundry is not done. Let her have a night off to do her own thing, and don’t be looking over her shoulder. Or your wife might enjoy a night out

Show your appreciation.

If your spouse works hard at a job, thank her for working hard for you and your family. A simple thank you can mean a lot. Send an “I love you” text message, or leave a message on your spouse’s voicemail. If your spouse travels out of town on business, write love notes and hide them in the luggage. Put one in her purse, in reading materials, tucked in a shoe etc. You could even have the kids write notes, or draw pictures so your wife will know how much she will be missed by you and your family. Hiding love notes around the house works just as well.

Say thank you.

It turns out that it’s the little things that count. Mom and Dad probably taught you that you’re supposed to say thanks when someone does something nice for you but you may have picked up their bad habits of failing to say it to one another. Don’t take anything that your wife does for you for granted.

Create an appreciation scrapbook.

Take the time to sit down and put together a list of all of the things that you appreciate about your wife. Go through magazines and find images that go along with each item. Use these images to create pages for a scrapbook that depicts the things that you appreciate. Your wife will appreciate this gift for a long time.

Try to notice the small things.

The small haircut that she got on the way home from the store or the new seasoning that was used on a meal are all really small things but noticing them goes a long way towards making your wife feel like you’re actually paying attention and appreciating what you’ve got.

Do things that your wife likes.

When figuring out what you want to do over the weekend, consider trying things that you don’t love but you know your wife really enjoys. It won’t kill you to sit through a chick flick and it will make your wife feel appreciated.

The Husband does not feel appreciated by his wife.

In some cases, the husband may often wish that his wife would do things to show us that we are appreciated. Try to think in the reverse instead; make an effort to show your wife that you’re appreciative of the marriage. This will improve things drastically and probably produce the results that you as a husband are looking for.

Am I Putting Dad Last?

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

How do I sincerely place members of my family above me and my desires?

Objective

As the family leader I am most able to determine its spiritual, social, and financial atmosphere through my actions. How do I sincerely place members of my family above me and my desires? What do I do to be sure that I am not keeping score or manipulating situations to my advantage, rather teaching through humility.

Bible Readings

1. Romans 12: 1-12

1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service.

2 And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, and ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

3 For I say, through the grace that was given me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think as to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to each man a measure of faith.

4 For even as we have many members in one body, and all the members have not the same office:

5 so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and severally members one of another.

6 And having gifts differing according to the grace that was given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of our faith;

7 or ministry, let us give ourselves to our ministry; or he that teacheth, to his teaching;

8 or he that exhorteth, to his exhorting: he that giveth, let him do it with liberality; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that showeth mercy, with cheerfulness.

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

10 In love of the brethren be tenderly affectioned one to another; in honor preferring one another;

11 in diligence not slothful; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

12 rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing stedfastly in prayer;

2. 1 Kings 3:10-14

Catechism Readings

1. Part III, Section One; Article 7: 1808-1809 (page 444)

1808 Fortitude is the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good. It strengthens the resolve to resist temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life. The virtue of fortitude enables one to conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions. It disposes one even to renounce and sacrifice his life in defense of a just cause. “The Lord is my strength and my song.”70 “In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”71

1809 Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable. The temperate person directs the sensitive appetites toward what is good and maintains a healthy discretion: “Do not follow your inclination and strength, walking according to the desires of your heart.”72 Temperance is often praised in the Old Testament: “Do not follow your base desires, but restrain your appetites.”73 In the New Testament it is called “moderation” or “sobriety.” We ought “to live sober, upright, and godly lives in this world.”74

To live well is nothing other than to love God with all one’s heart, with all one’s soul and with all one’s efforts; from this it comes about that love is kept whole and uncorrupted (through temperance). No misfortune can disturb it (and this is fortitude). It obeys only [God] (and this is justice), and is careful in discerning things, so as not to be surprised by deceit or trickery (and this is prudence).75

Small Group Questions

1. What do you do to make sure that you are placing others before you?

2. Do your children believe that you are sacrificing for them? How do they understand this without you “laying a guilt trip” on them?

3. How do you manage the line between putting others first and not being taken advantage of?

Recommended Resources

1. Rediscovering Catholicism, by Matthew Kelly, pages 27-29

Accountability

1. This week bring this topic up to your family at the dinner table and have a discussion about putting other needs above their own.

Author(s)

Taken from 2009 syllabus and adapted by Mark Oliva

Simplicity

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Step out of the rat race and enjoy life. How can we achieve a less stressful life with an over-scheduled family that has too much to do and never enough time to do it? Work, school, and social commitments have us racing from event to event, seldom with the time to savor the wonder of the good life God has given us. Less is more!

Objective

Have you ever contemplated how calm and peaceful people are when they have very little to “clutter” their lives? In our motivation to be active, be involved, and acquire goods we often find ourselves to be exhausted, stressed, and never satisfied. Give some thought to how you might re-prioritize what goes on the calendar, how you could reduce your possessions, and be more satisfied with a simpler life having what you need rather than what you want. Think about practical ways to separate the wheat from the chaff in your life and the life of the family you lead.

Bible Readings

1. Matthew Chapter 19 19-20

The young man said to him, ‘I have kept all these. What more do I need to do?’ Jesus said, ‘If you wish to be perfect, go and sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’

2. Wisdom Chapter 1 : 1

Love uprightness you who are rulers on earth, be properly disposed towards the Lord and seek him in simplicity of heart.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2470

The disciple of Christ consents to “live in the truth,” that is, in the simplicity of a life in conformity with the Lord’s example, abiding in his truth. “If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not live according to the truth.”

2. Paragraph 533

The hidden life at Nazareth allows everyone to enter into fellowship with Jesus by the most ordinary events of daily life: The home of Nazareth is the school where we begin to understand the life of Jesus – the school of the Gospel. First, then, a lesson of silence. May esteem for silence, that admirable and indispensable condition of mind, revive in us. . . A lesson on family life. May Nazareth teach us what family life is, its communion of love, its austere and simple beauty, and its sacred and inviolable character… A lesson of work. Nazareth, home of the “Carpenter’s Son”, in you I would choose to understand and proclaim the severe and redeeming law of human work. . . To conclude, I want to greet all the workers of the world, holding up to them their great pattern their brother who is God.

Small Group Questions

1. What have you done, or heard of others doing, to simplify their lives?

2. How do you and your wife decide on when “enough is enough” on the calendar.

3. What guidelines or rules do you have in your home as far as number of activities for children?

Recommended Resources

1. “Simplify Forum” http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=470791

2. Seven Levels of Intimacy – Matthew Kelly – This book serves as a good reminder of why we need to simplify our lives, reevaluate our purpose in life, and the priority we give to our relationships.

3. How to Simplify Your Life – Jeff Cavins – on CD

Accountability

1. Make a family project to go through items in the garage, make liberal use of the garbage can, and have each child pick out items that you will take to St Vincent DePaul. Next week…the basement!

2. Commit to giving “nothing” a regular spot on your family calendar. Keep holy the Sabbath.

3. If you get a new item (coat, shoes, bike), be sure to give the old one away.

4. Sign up for no more than one team/club per season!

5. Unplug at the dinner table and on vacation.

Author(s)

Reid Rooney / Kevin McDonough / Anthony Your

Included Resources

http://www.lifetoolsforwomen.com/p/simplify-your-life.htm

Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life – by Jennifer Ottolino

In this very fast-paced world, it seems impossible to simplify our lives. But consider this: how much time and energy do you waste on the unnecessary? How much time do you waste because you can’t find things? How much energy do you waste telling yourself all the things you should do?

We often make life much more complicated than it needs to be and somehow we convince ourselves that our lives must be filled to the max. We over-schedule our lives, and then wonder why we feel dissatisfied. In turn, we end up spending the majority of our time on the things that don’t matter to us.

Here are some strategies to help you weed out the unnecessary and simplify, simplify, simplify.

1. Extend your boundaries

It is okay to say no. If you are not comfortable committing to a task, or something doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t do it. We often get in trouble because we ignore our gut feelings, and most of the time it leads us down the wrong path.

2. Drop your to-do’s

Drop the to-do’s that have been on your list for a couple of months. Get rid of those tasks that you keep telling yourself that you will get done but you always find something more interesting/important to do. If you have not done them by now, they are not important and are merely draining your energy.

3. Remove clutter

How much time do you waste looking for things? Do you have stuff that you need to get rid of? The more cluttered your space is, the more stressed you are going to feel. When you remove clutter, get rid of stuff that you no longer need, and your life will run more smoothly. In addition, you will create a space for new things to enter your life.

4. Define your values

Determine what your values are and live to those values. We often feel conflicted because how we are living is out of sync with our values. For example, if your number one value is family and your job requires you to work 65 hours a week, is it any wonder that you feel unsettled and unhappy? When you’re clear about what is important to you, it will be easier to let go of things that don’t fit.

5. Examine your Beliefs

What are your core beliefs? Some of your beliefs maybe limiting your ability to let go of tasks and projects that don’t add value. If you believe that you create value by being busy, it is much harder to let go of tasks. If you believe that the only way to make money is to work hard, then you will always work hard. Remember, we look for circumstances in our lives to reinforce what we believe.

6. Create priorities

Determine one or two things you want to accomplish within the next year for your career/business, home life, relationships, and self. Work only to those priorities. If your goal is to develop a new income-generating product line, then that is where you should spend significant time focusing your attention.

It’s very easy to get distracted from our priorities, because there is so much information out there that attracts our interests. How often do you get diverted to other projects and never finish what you were originally working on? What happens? The year goes by and you did not accomplish any of your objectives. When new ideas do excite us, get an idea notebook and write all of your new ideas down for future projects. One note, if you find yourself working on everything but your stated priorities, it may be time to reexamine what you think you want.

7. Give yourself permission to relax

We live in a culture that has taught us that relaxing is the equivalent to being lazy so we have created lives that are bursting at the seams and don’t give us time to think. There is another way. Give yourself permission to relax. Revel in doing nothing. Give yourself time to just think and do nothing. You will be amazed at all the new and interesting discoveries that come to you.

8. If you are struggling – let it go

If something is a real struggle, or you can’t come up with a solution, drop it for a while. Giving yourself a mental break will allow your brain to rest and therefore create new ideas. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and had an aha? This happens for two reasons, 1) because you are relaxed, and 2) because you were not trying to direct your brain’s thoughts. Giving yourself a mental break from a challenge is a great way to consciously create that aha.

9. Take care of yourself

Isn’t it funny that we take better care of our cars than our bodies? Take care of your body and mind. Eat things that bring you a sense of energy and lightness. Eat to fuel your body. Exercise your body to reduce stress and clear your mind. Exercise your brain with new activities. This will go a long way in helping you feel more calm and relaxed.

10. Have fun

Why is it so hard for us to have fun? Make time each week to do something that brings you joy. Do something completely silly. Have fun with yourself. Laugh. Forget all the other stuff for a while and just have fun. You will feel a whole lot better.